Babbling Brooke Runs Dry

The results are in, America. Is your favorite out?

KLC is in the house. (Methinks she came to try and swipe one of The Diamond's sparkly shirts.)

Ryan is still out of breath...from all the damage control he had to do over Paula-Gate 2008.

Time for an especially crappy group medley of Neil Diamond songs. There were parts of this where I felt like I was watching some horrible talent competition. (Oh wait...) Jason kicks things off with "Cracklin' Rosie" and his voice is a-cracklin' alright. The others sit and sway on the couches like they're fighting traitorous waters on a sinking ship, further inspiring seasickness in those at home. Due to a tricky camera maneuver, I actually thought Archie's too-low register was coming out of Brooke the Tranny for a sec (scary!). Girls do a seat-changing twirl on the couches before getting up to flank Archie with some awkward go-go dancer moves. DC sings, and the hoi polloi doesn't seem to notice that something is wrong with his voice. (Nurse SB prescribes some vocal rest, stat. I'll even cut down our late night phone convos for the cause. Don't need him getting Daughtry-ed next week.) They segue into "Song Sung Blue" and do the infamous Idol side-step while reading the words off the monitor. And finally, the misery ends with a lil "Brother Love's Traveling Salvation Show" preaching. Hallelujah...it's over.

After the break, Ryan spends an unsettlingly brief amount of time addressing Pauler's gaffe, and still no one apologizes to Jason.

We get a 2 1/2 minute recap of the performances, and The Diamond calls the contestants "tops."

Contestants are huddled backstage awaiting their fate, and J-Cast is called out first and sent to safety. While many of my fellow posters seem to think this was the least they could do, it totally killed any suspense over who was going home. I also think it might have been a strategic maneuver on the production's part to give the Dreadheads a false sense of security in order to push Syesha into the top three.

Archie is safe. Judging by her outfit, Mama A is ready to celebrate with some serious salsa dancing after the show. (Either that, or she wants to audition to be one of The Diamond's back up singers). Seriously, could Archie's parents BE any more oddly matched?

Ryan announces that next week's theme is songs that helped shape and inspire rock 'n roll according to the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame. Before you get too excited, I checked the list, and it really isn't as good as it sounds.

We get an extended SYTYCD preview. Question: Is this just footage from previous seasons, or is Sex really back for more?

Time to announce the winner of the Coca-Cola Cup-Designing Contest. OMG! That's almost as exciting as the notoriously bad American Songwriter Contest. Congratulations guy who won, your parents must be so proud!

More results. Cookie survives The Curse of Going Second on Top Five Week, and it looks like his mom borrowed some of his black nailpolish. (Oh crap, my future MIL is edgier than I am.)

Brooke & Syesha are called center stage. Notice that they are never officially declared the bottom two. Because there's still a good half hour to kill, they are temporarily sent to the couches. Brooke says, "We'll stay as long as we can." Aw!

Natasha Bedingfield performs "Pocket Full of Sunshine" in a horrible Brooke-esque outfit. I like Natasha, but the whole thing pretty much blows. She then gets cuddly with Archie on the couches. Creepy.

Oh God, we still have the "live" call-in segment to get through, and this time the contestants get no love, as all of the questions are directed to the judges table:

-10-year old Michael from Landcaster wants to know why Paula always gives everyone a break. It's because she's the Anti-Simon, Mikey. Everyone's got a role in this thing.

-Miranda from Louisiana wants to know if Paula plans to do another wind-blowing music video with Randy. Simon crosses his fingers, and Paula says she plans to keep on Dancing Like There's No Tomorrow.

-Tara Miller wants to know if Simon remembers their kiss in his garden when he was nine, or if locking lips with Paula has erased that memory. Simon remembers her, and asks if she still looks cute. Ryan wants to know if kissing Simon is really as good as his fantasies.

Hybrid Ford Video to the tune of "Catch the Wind" in which the Idols transform a run-down part of town into...a run-down part of town with some trees and less smog and trash. This might have been a good one for Earth Day last week, geniuses.

Neil Diamond forgoes a sparkly shirt with fringe in favor of a Johnny Cash Man in Black outfit instead. This disappoints me. He sings "Pretty Amazing Grace" and looks to have aged 15 years since he mentored the contestants on Saturday. I suddenly have a horrible vision of D-Cook as a wrinkly old man rocker.

After over 45 million votes, we say goodbye to Brooke who has to choke through tears to reprise "I Am, I Said." Oh boy. At least hubby can cut his hair now.

Idol Headlines ~ 4/23/08

Analog Heart Disappears from Amazon After Topping Charts

Idols Live! Tour Dates Announced

Jordin Sparks on Vocal Rest

Constantine Maroulis to Perform in LA

Jeff Archuleta Speaks Out

Archie Will Not Attend His Prom

Natasha Bedingfield to Perform "Pocket Full of Sunshine" & Neil Diamond to sing "Amazing Grace" on Top 5 Results Show

It Was the Vest.

Un-freaking-believable.

MJ doomed himself by wearing a black vest on performance night, and Carly saved herself by wearing a grey one tonight.

The Idol InVESTigators have been following this story for awhile now.

Michael's only crime was thinking he was above the black vest of doom.

And of course being made to go first.

Oh, and letting those feral cats emerge from his throat on Tuesday.

Okay, and being mediocre until two weeks ago.

Nevertheless, I am sick to my stomach over his elimination.

There will be no recap tonight my friends. In fact, I don't expect to write one at all.

Time to Say Goodbye to Malubay

I apologize for the lateness of this recap -- I had to tape the show in order to go play mentor to a cast of struggling actors who are performing the same play I starred in five years ago. And unlike Dolly P, I didn't just smile and blow smoke. I actually think I may have offended some of them, but the truth hurts.

Onto your results...

Exactly 26 hours after I left the studio feeling faint, someone in the pit actually DID pass out. According to a source from People magazine, the young woman fainted when there was only 90 seconds til air and Carly, Ramiele and Kristy all rushed over. The audience member was taken care of and the contestants back in their seats in time for the broadcast.

Ryan opens the show, tells us a little of what's to come and intros the judges. Then the top 9 take the stage to perform "9 to 5" (what'd I tell ya?). This time they each get a solo part. Interestingly enough, those who end up in the bottom three are the first to sing. The videotape I have is old and warbly (yes I know it's time for TiVo) which makes them all sound awful. DC rubs butts with both MJ and Rami (what a man whore! *wink*) Archie is starting to look like a real boy (is that man cleavage I see in those tight jeans?) Carly climbs up on the judges table to sass Simon, while D-Cook sings to Pauler. It of course ends with big "ta-da!" hands.

Commercials (I do believe we got Coke-Ford-AT&T), then roll tape of performance footage. Again, the b-3 to come are all shown in a row, this time in the middle of the lot.

Begin results process. Same concept as the previous two weeks: Couches are comfy, stools are not, let's trot 'em out one by one to see how they rate. First up is MJ, who just may be the only person on the planet to make a Dolly Parton T-shirt look sexy. He's SAFE. So is Archie. Then comes Carly. Seacrest toys with her a little, saying she's no stranger to the b-3, then tells her she can join the boys on the couch.

Time for (insert sarcastic voice here) everyone's favorite Caller Questions segment! 13-year old Haley wants to know what Syesha misses most about home (didn't she already answer this previously?) The answer of course is the obvious "hanging out with friends and family." Robert, who is also 13, asks D-Cook if he could succeed at any talent what would it be? This question was already posed to the contestants in their weekly online Q&A but DC chooses to spice things up with a different answer this time: Although it's not quite a talent, he'd like to be more organized and less of a slob. Roomie Jason's reaction is priceless--he nods and says "YEAH!" Then Jay turns to Michael and they agree that as DC's roomies, they can attest to his slobiness, and David apologizes to them both. It's okay David, when we live together we'll hire a maid (or a team of them if necessary--I don't like to clean either). Next, 26-year old sleepingbeauty of Los Angeles wants to know why so many 13-year olds get to ask questions that have already been asked. Actually a guy named Bill who shares my age and city asks Randy who he'd like to work with. The Dawg diplomatically answers the winner of Idol this year, which could be a boy or a girl. A mystery caller known as "Line 9" due to the fact that they put line 8's info on the screen instead poses a question to Michael Johns or David Cook. Kristy jokingly lolls her head on Carly's shoulder and they laugh about being so unpopular with the callers. The mystery callers question is: "What song will you be singing on the tour?" The guys joke about "Islands in the Stream" with DC doing the Dolly part, but the official answer is that they aren't planning that far ahead. And lastly, 52-year old Mary of Saugus, CA (a city I lived in for 10 years as a matter of fact) wants to know why Simon feels it's necessary to apologize after every critique. Apparently she doesn't realize that his "sorry's" are sarcastic, and he vows never to say it again.

The Clark Brothers, winner's of the Next Great American Band are up next with "This Little Light of Mine," a song I can honestly say I never expected to see performed on Idol. It's a funky country version, they jam on unidentifiable instruments, and at one point it looks like the vocalist's head is going to explode. That's all I have to say about that.

After the break we see the Ford Commercial which consists of the top 9 playing a pick up b-ball game to the tune of "It's Tricky" (one of my favorite songs on the "Can't Hardly Wait" soundtrack). There are a lot of slam dunks, some cheering, Archie plays referee and...that's about it. Boo on you, Ford. This was the perfect opportunity to feature a shirtless Jason and you blew it!

Back to your results. Ryan turns to Carly on the couch to ask if she's still miffed by Simon's slam about her wardrobe (ironically she's wearing an ugly YELLOW top this time). She points out that he still hasn't apologized, and apparently never will after what he said during the call-ins. DC is called out center stage to learn his fate, but first, we get a health update. Yes, he does have high blood pressure and he did go to the hospital but the whole thing was "blown way out of proportion." (Family members say he NEVER collapsed). Anyway, he's safe. Next up is Ramiele, looking even more dwarf-y in boots and a long T-shirt. Not surprisingly, she is the first person sent to the stools. Then it's Kristy's turn in the spotlight, and she's brought a slip of paper which reads "Kristy's seat" because she knows where she's headed (someone needs to school that girl on the Law of Attraction, but preferably not until she's sent home next week). Sources say Kristy gave away her little paper to someone in the audience. My question is--who would want it? Paula is consulted on what she thinks of Rami and Kristy being in the bottom three and says she thinks they both had "good nights."

Time to catch up with a few of our former Idol contestants who are currently living in Nashville. First up is Bucky Covington, who I'm told got a divorce since his time on the show in season 5. He says AI is one of the "smartest thing I've ever did" (LOL) and that he currently has two singles out. Then Phil Stacey gets to plug his upcoming album and his wife shows off her new hairdo. Bo Bice has been busy since he lost to Carrie Underwood in season 4--he endured multiple surgeries, took a year off, built a recording studio, started a record label, cut two albums and had a son. He very diplomatically explains why his new album "See the Light" is nothing like "The Real Thing" (aka the piece of crap album AI produced). Ryan explains that we will be tracking down more former contestants in the coming weeks. Oooh...is anyone else dying to find out what's been going on with Kevin Covias? How about Haley Scarnat-ho? Melissa McGhee? Didn't think so.

Let's fill that third stool....Syesha is trotted out and asked if she found covering IWALY to be a daunting task. She hems and haws over her answer, and it's obvious that no, she thinks she's the next Whitney and would love for people to start agreeing with her. She's safe. Which leaves Jason and Brooke, who travel arm-in-arm to center stage. Ry asks blondie how she thought she did after watching the tape back, and Brooke responds that she hasn't had a chance to watch yet, but wants Simon to apologize to the violinist. Si takes the opportunity to break his earlier promise and apologize to everyone in the room. Brooke is...not safe, and Jason heads to the couch. Simon is asked what he thinks of the b-3 (which I predicted correctly BTW) and he says he agrees with it. Then he explains he was only trying to help Carly with the fashion comment (tell her not to wear yellow, I say!) and Randy interjects with a, "Because the show's about fashion, not singing, right?" Good one, Jackson.

This week's IGB plug focuses on two homeless sisters in Ethiopia who were separated for months but have since been reunited and given a place to stay thanks to the IGB street team, who never stop working for you. Carly cries openly, and MJ passes DC a tissue. Aw.

Next, Dolly Parton performs her new single "Jesus and Gravity" in a white sparkly outfit only Dolly could pull off. I like the concept of the song in theory (if Pauler were singing it'd go, "I've got stimulants lifting me up, I've got booze holding me down...") but between all the Jesus talk, the philanthropy, Brooke's soon-to-come mini-sermon, and the full-on choir I feel the need to go watch an R-rated movie or something.

FINALLY we get our less-than-shocking results. Jackson calls it, Simon says "it won't be Brooke," Brooke gives her mini-sermon and is sent back to safety. (Sources say she was practically hyperventilating up there and even Nigel came on stage to comfort her.) After the vote, it's Kristy whose sent to safety, and the shot of the open-mouthed Malubays is PRICELESS. They are utterly shocked, and Rami is utterly crushed...not only by the let-down but by Kristy's chest as they hug.

We see her Idol journey video, all the girls line up behind her in support as she reprises "Do I Ever Cross Your Mind" and the boys eventually join in for a group hug. Goodbye our teary little Ramiele, we love your voice and all-around cuteness. Keep working on your wardrobe and stage presence between now and the tour and we'll come see ya, deal?

Here's the official scoop on next week's Idol Gives Back extravaganza:

The actual charity event will be filmed on Sunday, April 6th at the Kodak Theater (tickets for the event were sold instead of given away). Ellen DeGeneres will no longer be co-hosting the event due to scheduling conflicts, so Seacrest is on his own.

The top 8 will perform Inspirational Songs live the following Tuesday from 8-9 and (unless the sponsors aren't as generous as last year) your votes will not only determine their fate but will generate donation money.

The pre-taped footage from the charity event will air Wednesday from 7:30-10 and feature appearances and performances by a slew of celebs like Brad Pitt, Mariah Carey, Snoop Dogg and Miley Cyrus. Mariah was originally scheduled to perform a duet with the late Marvin Gaye in the same style as last year's Celine Dion/Elvis performance, but that act has been cut.

Then one contestant will be eliminated on the results show at a special day and time (Thursday from 8-9) with a performance of "No Air" by Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown.

Results: With Extra Cheese

These results shows are just getting more and more unbearable...and it has nothing to do with having to say goodbye to a contestant. Join me, will you, as I lead us through the latest drawn-out elimination (aka an hour-long preview of what hell is like).

Over 30 million votes were received this week, which is the most so far this season. Former contestants Amy Davis (for the second night in a row), David Hernandez and Danny Noriega are in the audience, but no one seems to care.

Say hi to the top 10, show love to the judges and don't forget to submit your song to the songwriting contest.

Time for what just might be the cheesiest group song in the history of group songs, upon where the top 10 run out on stage to camp it up with "Right Back Where We Started From." Their dancing is extra goofy, however the prize for MOST goofy would have to go to Jason. You know that first time you run into your ex after the breakup and you study them to see how well they're taking it and how good they look? Well, after publicly ending things with Jason the night before, of course he had to decide to get back at me by dressing hot for once. Sigh. Still, my favorite (only) part of this trainwreck was when D-Cook and MJ bumped chests, because at least it was funny.

We get an ad for IGB during the commercial break, and then a thinly-veiled ad for iTunes as they roll footage of the top 10 recording their studio versions of this weeks songs. Next it's recap footage from the night before whereupon we are reminded of Brooke's re-start to her song and some other stuff I couldn't be bothered to jot down.

This week's elimination process is exactly the same as last week -- comfy sofas on one end of the stage, ridiculously uncomfortable b-3 stools on the other, trot the contestants out one by one to learn their fate.

First up is Cheesy, and he's banished to the not fun side of the stage. Then we have Brooke in a WTF? outfit - she's safe, but again unsure as to where exactly she should sit on the couches. Carly's up next, and Ryan wisely takes the opportunity to have her clear up the pregnancy rumors. She's not preggers, and she's not in the b-3 either.

After the break we are subjected to one of the lamest Ford commercials ev-ah. After a LOOOOONG shot of an electric blue Ford Focus, the contestants individually appear Harry Potter style on shirts and CD covers, singing "I Want you to Want Me." It is reminiscent of the billboard video in season 5, but not nearly as good. My guess is that with Easter they didn't have time to do a "real" shoot.

Back to the results. Archie = SAFE. D-Cook = SAFE (oh and Chris Cornell called to say he loved it, BTW - take that haters!) Syesha = B-3 again, sorry. MJ = SAFE.

Time for the latest call-in segment, whereupon Ryan continues to ask Simon questions and ignore half of the contestants. First up is Sarah, who wants to know if Chikezie is single. I'm guessing she's one of the only people who cared to learn the answer, but yes, he is currently "very, very single." Nicole wants to know why Archie chose to sing a song most people had never heard. He already answered this question in the recap footage, but let's hear it again: He is in the minority in that he "loves that song" and it's one of his favorites. Ari wants to know how she can take Seacrest's job. Simon answers, "You don't need a lot of talent." Caitlin wants to know who Brooke would do a duet with. Brooke chooses John Mayer of all people. Vanessa from TX wants to know if Simon considers himself the most attractive person on the show. I think we all know the answer to that one.

Season 2 finalist Kimberley Locke is back to perform her new single "Fall" in a green couture dress which is now being auctioned off for charity and matching eyeshadow. In her lead-in video we learn that she now co-owns a restaurant and has lost 40 pounds. I didn't start watching AI faithfully until season 4, so I've only seen a handful of Kimberley's performances but I can tell you right now...sleepingbeauty is not impressed. Her song is pitchy, her performance stilted, and if she were being judged for real they would have called it "safe." Syesha performed better the night before, and I didn't even really enjoy her number.

Time for IGB plug number 485 out of 976, with multiple shout-outs to Exxon Mobile who is again one of the major sponsors of the event. Last year we raised $76 million (why does Seacrest pronounce "million" like Dr. Evil?) and even though we supposedly already spent $80 million on nets to prevent malaria, somehow there was still money left over to: help with the renovations in New Orleans, put 10,000 kids in Boys & Girls Club programs, provide 120 million meals to hungry people, fund three mobile medical units, provide 21,000 life-saving immunizations, provide books for 13,000 budding readers AND help provide shelter for the victims of the CA fires and TN tornadoes.

And now, your final results. Ramiele is SAFE and it's down to Kristy and Jason. As I predicted, Kristy's pandering to middle-America kept her b-3 free, and it is Castro who makes his maiden voyage to the b-3, but is quickly put out of his misery.

Syesha and Chikezie join hands center stage to learn their fate, and not surprisingly, it is Cheesy who gets the boot. I never truly "got" him but he's a nice guy and I wish him the best. We see his journey video and he reprises "If Only for One Night" complete with the audience-member serenade.

Tune in next week when the top 9 perform songs from the Dolly Parton songbook. That's right--the contestants will NOT be given the usual country theme, but will instead be limited to jingles from Dolly's repertoire. It's been confirmed. I would tell you what I think of this travesty, but there aren't enough hours in the day. After all, I've got to work 9 to 5 just to make a livin'....

A Hard Day's Night for Hernandez

It's time for the first cut on the new stage. Well, after about an hour of filler that is. First it's hi to the judges.  Then comes the announcement that next weeks theme has been changed to Beatles the Redux (so much for changing it up) due to the number of calls received (and the fact that they paid for the rights to 180 songs).

 

Jim Carrey is in the audience in an elephant costume to promote his new film "Horton Hears a Who" which the top 12 were sent to watch over the weekend.

The Top 12 perform a pretty cruddy Beatles medley of "All My Lovin'," "I Feel Fine," "Can't Buy Me Love," and "Help!" Jason finally gets a solo.

Sanjaya and his sister are spotted in the audience. Where's Cryin' Ashley when you need her?

Roll tape of the recap from yesterday's performances. I am pictured directly in front of Hernandez (OMG it's an omen!)  They actually highlight Archuleta forgetting his lyrics, I am shocked.

Over to the couches. Ry asks Carly, Michael, Jason and Syesha to stand, then goes down the row and deems them all safe except for Syesha. She looks completely defeated and like she's been crying all day. Her finance is there to support her. Syesha again sings "Gotta Get You Into My Life."

Onto the first Ford commercial of the season. The top 12 are depicted as politicians vying for votes to the tune of "Going the Distance." Highlights for me were the "Vote for (insert name here)" signs and D-Cook holding two babies.

Instead of a full Horton premiere video where the contestants are forced to talk about how much they LOVED the film, this time the premiere is spliced with footage from the top 12 photo shoot and interviews about how the contestants lives are changing. I wanted shots of them eating popcorn and sitting in the theater damnit.

Back to the couches. Chikezie, Amanda, Kristy and D-Cook are asked to stand. All are deemed safe except Kristy, who says, "Where's the microphone?" before Ryan tells her she's in the b-3, then apologizes that we're going to have to hear her ho-down version of "Eight Days a Week" again.

After that's over we begin the first live caller series. Ryan pulls up a list of callers on the screen and chooses 12-year old Paige as the first one. She directs her question to...the person who dislikes talking the most. Castro is asked "If you could be a judge for the day, who would you be?" Jason has no idea how to respond (seriously, would you?) and begins with something about Paula, because she's the most different from him (I do not like where this is going) and then starts talking about Randy's shoes and Simon's...something, to which Ryan concludes, "A hybrid then." The next question is from six-time auditionee Ronny in NC, who wants to know what advice the judges have for him. Simon says, "Get another job," and Pauler adds, "Keep singing to Simon." John from LA wants to know when Ry and Si are going to throw down. Ry says he's waiting for them to load in the mud. Seacrest skips over the next thing on the screen which reads "Simon is sexy" (Can you say scripted ploy? That's not even a question). The last question is for Simon (what's with all of the judge questions, where are the Arch Angels with their "What do you dream about at night" type questions?) Tracy wants to know who Scowel thinks are more talented: Americans or Brits. Simon thinks Americans are more talented on stage, but on panel, well naturally the it's the Brit.

Time for a special performance of George Harrison's "Something" by Kat McPhee with Grammy winner David Foster accompanying her on piano. Kat wears Kristy's sparkly tank top from yesterday as a dress and chooses to stand in one spot and be boring. Seriously, my 7-year old daughter (who CRIED when Kat lost) could not be bothered to turn around to watch this performance. The song really does not pack as much punch when sung by a woman with the pronoun change, IMO. And I wanna know why those front row peeps got out of doing the hand-wave.

After the break we find Jim Carrey, sans costume, sitting on the couch acting nervous, as though he may be up for elimination. It's been done before, but this time I felt it was particularly insensitive to the contestants who were waiting to learn their fate.

They send Jim back to his chair, and Archuleta, Brooke, Hernandez and Ramiele are ushered to center stage. Wonderboy is deemed safe, Brookie is staying another week, and Rami (sporting the latest in bumblebee wear) is off the hook. We see Danny Noriega in the audience cheering her on (I just KNEW Danny would be there this week and kept looking for him when we were there yesterday). Hernandez rounds out the b-3, sings "I Saw her Standing There" and flubs a lyric.

The b-3 are rounded up and the judges are consulted. Paula says her head's on her shoulders. They all pretty much agree that America got it right. After 29 million votes, Syesha is safe. Kristy is...also safe.

David Hernandez leaves us tonight. Guess I won't have to bring any dollar bills with me to the concert this summer. We see his Idol journey to the tune of Ruben's cover of Kenny Loggins "Celebrate Me Home" and it is all a bit meh.

Thanks for "Papa was a Rollin' Stone" David, and for all of the dancing you professed you couldn't do. Rudy Cardeneas would be proud. Which reminds me - be out and proud. No more pretending to like girls or work at a pizza bistro.

Cheaper by the Dozen

It's time to find out who made the top 12, or as recapper extraodinaire Linda Sharp would say, who fills the American Idol metallic egg carton.

But first, Blake Lewis--wearing more layers than an onion and some shiny pants--is here to perform his newest single "How Many Words." B-Shorty beatboxes for most of the song (perhaps it should be titled "Not Many Words") and does some moonwalk-type moves. Ironically, the song includes the lyric "right back were we started" which makes me long for the "Somewhere Only We Know" days. He also sings about "getting caught in uranus." Actually it's "your reign and" but he doesn't enunciate well. The song feels extremely long and drawn out but that could be because AI has us trained to expect half-songs.

36 million votes were received, which is five million more than last week. Paula's in a fedora and is congratulated on having the #1 song on iTunes (which has since been surpassed by Jeff Buckley's "Hallelujah" thanks to Castro). Simon is asked to congratulate Pauler and he hems and haws over it before saying "well done."

After rolling the tape of the highlights of the guy's performance night, Ryan reminds us that there are eight faces, but only six places. The first person to be inaugurated into the coveted top 12 is David Cook. Archuleta and Castro are quickly asked to join him.

After the break it's the girl's turn, and we watch their recap video. Brooke is deemed safe and shyly makes her way across the room. Smirkado is asked the stand and the judges are consulted as to whether or not she's in. After three quick "yes'es" they make it official. Kady Malloy is then let go and makes her way to the center of the stage to watch her Idol journey and sing her swan song. Asia'h cries, Danny cries, and the performance isn't even as good as the night before--Kady is shaky and has got her b*tch face on.

Ryan announces that beginning next week they will be opening up the phone lines live on the result's show. Well that sounds like a train wreck waiting to happen.

It's back to the guys. Hernandez and Michael are IN, Lukeolas is OUT. For once Luke decides to wear a hot shirt, we see his journey, he sings and then he go-goes.

Ramiele, Carly and Amanda are asked to stay, while Kristy and Asia'h are left to cross their fingers for the final seat in the girls row of shiny saucer stools. After the break, the judges are consulted as to who they think is going home. Randy says he thinks it's going to swing Asia'h's way, Paula refuses to answer directly, and Simon predicts Asia'h is going home...and d*mn it he's right. We see her tearful video and she reprises "I Wanna Dance With Somebody" which is completely inappropriate save for the line "I've done alright up until now."

Danny and Chikezie--the only boys remaining, are asked to come down front and center. Unfortunately, it's Danny who gets the axe. I know there are at least two Danny haters to every Danny fan, but you gotta admit the guy is more entertaining than McCheesy, who I just can't see going platinum or filling up stadiums. We see Danny's tape, Ramiele cries, and Danny sings the words "take my tears and that's not really all."

They then recycle footage from the Top 24 video to announce the top 12 (and edit the "Eze" from Chikezie's name which mysteriously vanished during week one of performances).
So here you have it America, your top 12:

Jason Castro * David Archuleta * David Hernandez * David Cook * Michael Johns * Chikezie * Kristy Lee Cook * Carly Smithson * Brooke White * Ramiele Malubay * Amanda Overmyer * Syesha Mercado

Who will be the first to leave?

More Tears as Four More are Sent Home

The results are in, America. Is your favorite out? :::Cue music:::

After almost 31 million votes (up three million from last week), it's time to find out who didn't make the cut.

But first, say "hi" to the judges - The Dawg's in a paisley shirt, Paula's sporting a Ramiele-esque 'do and a see-through top, and predictably, Simon Scowl is in basic black. Seacrest takes a minute to address something we've all been wondering these past couple weeks - what's with Simon's new half-moose hand gesture? Simon says it's a secret code and basically he'll tell Ryan later...in the bedroom.

Time for the second sucky group song of the season - a medley of 70's hits which include "I Saw the Light," "Heartache," "The Things We do for Love" and "I Feel the Earth Move." Observations made during the group song are as follows:

-Michael looks hot but doesn't sound it

-David C. is wearing a tux print t-shirt like the one Blake wore last year, only it's even more fugly and faded (my great-uncle has one of these, and he's in his 80's)

-J-Cast should not ever wear a vest again (in fact, he shouldn't wear a shirt period)

-Not surprisingly, it's Archuleta who gets the biggest solo

-Kristy actually sounded good this time

-Amanda sucks on this one

-Ramiele (wearing high-waisted jeans) and Asia'h (minus the fake hair) make a Chikezie sandwich ("the McCheesy"?)

-Carrico's headkerchief is back (wonder why...tee hee)

-David H. (gay) and Alaina (jailbait) make for an unlikely duet couple

After the break, it's time to roll the recap tape from guy's night and get to the first cut. Back row is asked to stand and dismissed in this order: Michael - SAFE, Chikezie - SAFE, Castro - Fake-out that made my heart skip a beat, then SAFE. Yeager and Noriega - one of you is SAFE, the other is going home. Drumroll please...Jason, you're out please come to the center of the stage and don't forget to bring your dignity with you. After a boring speech from the Yeagermeister and Simon, Jason gives a very Six Flags performance of "Long Train Runnin' (Without Love)" again, and again, it is not worth watching. Ryan tries to get us to study the front row where the next guy to be ejected should be, but they've all crowded around Yeager to say their "see ya laters" so it's no use.

Next we crush the hopes and dreams of a young lady. After rolling the tape, Seacrest follows the same format: Back row up, Kristy - SAFE, Asia'h - SAFE, Brooke - SAFE, Cruella and Lushington - it's down to you. Alexandrea gets the axe and decides to shoot the messenger - she physically shrugs Ryan's arm off of her and calls him a freak. Oh-kay. Archuleta cries because he's known her since their Star Search days and in an interesting twist it's SHE who comforts HIM. But not until after she's bored us with "If You Leave Me Now" again, which is example #162 of a song that foreshadowed a contestant's departure.

Then it's time to lose another girl, this time from the front row. Carly - SAFE, Ramiele - SAFE, Syesha - SAFE. Two interchangeable blondes that remain, please step forward. We're all geared up to say goodbye to Kady Spears when it's Alaina Underwood that gets the boot! (The foreshadowing for this appeared in the video recap when Simon's "dark horse" comment was re-played - Idol editors love it when Simon's wrong.) Alaina shrieks "I CAN'T SING!" in horror and Ry gives her some time to pull it together by deferring to Paula for comment. Noriega cries. Despite worrying that she's "going to sound horrible," the crowd convinces Alaina to sing and the girls crowd around for support. It's shaky at first but in the end Carrie Jr. ends up sounding more composed than when the real Carrie sang her victory song.

Ryan teases us with the promise of "very important Idol news" which can mean anything from "we're cancelling the rest of the season and crowning Archuleta right now" to "the sex tape of Simon and I has just been leaked." It ends up being a slew of things--the top 12 will have a new set, new graphics and new exit song by Ruben, along with the chance to butcher Beatles songs. Also, they're going to start plugging IGB II now, as if the first installment wasn't hyped enough. Appearing at this years event will be Brad Pitt, Hannah Montana, Reece Witherspoon, Snoop Dogg, Daughtry, Mariah and Carrie Underwood. We are then forced to sit through ANOTHER commercial break which means we endured the last one only for a promo within the show. Sigh.

Time to make the final cut of the night. The front row of guys is asked to stand and predictably, it's Luke and Robbie who are called out with a goodbye to the fake rocker. The other Fallen Idols are trotted out to to watch their Idol Journey video, and Robbie reprises "Hot Blooded." Carly cries, and Jessi of So You Think You Can Dance is spotted in the red room clapping for Robbie who apparently used to be her dance partner. Also, for someone who claims he can't dance, David Hernandez sure does a lot of it.

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I am officially 5 and 8 on the predictions. How'd you rate?