Time to Say Goodbye to Malubay

I apologize for the lateness of this recap -- I had to tape the show in order to go play mentor to a cast of struggling actors who are performing the same play I starred in five years ago. And unlike Dolly P, I didn't just smile and blow smoke. I actually think I may have offended some of them, but the truth hurts.

Onto your results...

Exactly 26 hours after I left the studio feeling faint, someone in the pit actually DID pass out. According to a source from People magazine, the young woman fainted when there was only 90 seconds til air and Carly, Ramiele and Kristy all rushed over. The audience member was taken care of and the contestants back in their seats in time for the broadcast.

Ryan opens the show, tells us a little of what's to come and intros the judges. Then the top 9 take the stage to perform "9 to 5" (what'd I tell ya?). This time they each get a solo part. Interestingly enough, those who end up in the bottom three are the first to sing. The videotape I have is old and warbly (yes I know it's time for TiVo) which makes them all sound awful. DC rubs butts with both MJ and Rami (what a man whore! *wink*) Archie is starting to look like a real boy (is that man cleavage I see in those tight jeans?) Carly climbs up on the judges table to sass Simon, while D-Cook sings to Pauler. It of course ends with big "ta-da!" hands.

Commercials (I do believe we got Coke-Ford-AT&T), then roll tape of performance footage. Again, the b-3 to come are all shown in a row, this time in the middle of the lot.

Begin results process. Same concept as the previous two weeks: Couches are comfy, stools are not, let's trot 'em out one by one to see how they rate. First up is MJ, who just may be the only person on the planet to make a Dolly Parton T-shirt look sexy. He's SAFE. So is Archie. Then comes Carly. Seacrest toys with her a little, saying she's no stranger to the b-3, then tells her she can join the boys on the couch.

Time for (insert sarcastic voice here) everyone's favorite Caller Questions segment! 13-year old Haley wants to know what Syesha misses most about home (didn't she already answer this previously?) The answer of course is the obvious "hanging out with friends and family." Robert, who is also 13, asks D-Cook if he could succeed at any talent what would it be? This question was already posed to the contestants in their weekly online Q&A but DC chooses to spice things up with a different answer this time: Although it's not quite a talent, he'd like to be more organized and less of a slob. Roomie Jason's reaction is priceless--he nods and says "YEAH!" Then Jay turns to Michael and they agree that as DC's roomies, they can attest to his slobiness, and David apologizes to them both. It's okay David, when we live together we'll hire a maid (or a team of them if necessary--I don't like to clean either). Next, 26-year old sleepingbeauty of Los Angeles wants to know why so many 13-year olds get to ask questions that have already been asked. Actually a guy named Bill who shares my age and city asks Randy who he'd like to work with. The Dawg diplomatically answers the winner of Idol this year, which could be a boy or a girl. A mystery caller known as "Line 9" due to the fact that they put line 8's info on the screen instead poses a question to Michael Johns or David Cook. Kristy jokingly lolls her head on Carly's shoulder and they laugh about being so unpopular with the callers. The mystery callers question is: "What song will you be singing on the tour?" The guys joke about "Islands in the Stream" with DC doing the Dolly part, but the official answer is that they aren't planning that far ahead. And lastly, 52-year old Mary of Saugus, CA (a city I lived in for 10 years as a matter of fact) wants to know why Simon feels it's necessary to apologize after every critique. Apparently she doesn't realize that his "sorry's" are sarcastic, and he vows never to say it again.

The Clark Brothers, winner's of the Next Great American Band are up next with "This Little Light of Mine," a song I can honestly say I never expected to see performed on Idol. It's a funky country version, they jam on unidentifiable instruments, and at one point it looks like the vocalist's head is going to explode. That's all I have to say about that.

After the break we see the Ford Commercial which consists of the top 9 playing a pick up b-ball game to the tune of "It's Tricky" (one of my favorite songs on the "Can't Hardly Wait" soundtrack). There are a lot of slam dunks, some cheering, Archie plays referee and...that's about it. Boo on you, Ford. This was the perfect opportunity to feature a shirtless Jason and you blew it!

Back to your results. Ryan turns to Carly on the couch to ask if she's still miffed by Simon's slam about her wardrobe (ironically she's wearing an ugly YELLOW top this time). She points out that he still hasn't apologized, and apparently never will after what he said during the call-ins. DC is called out center stage to learn his fate, but first, we get a health update. Yes, he does have high blood pressure and he did go to the hospital but the whole thing was "blown way out of proportion." (Family members say he NEVER collapsed). Anyway, he's safe. Next up is Ramiele, looking even more dwarf-y in boots and a long T-shirt. Not surprisingly, she is the first person sent to the stools. Then it's Kristy's turn in the spotlight, and she's brought a slip of paper which reads "Kristy's seat" because she knows where she's headed (someone needs to school that girl on the Law of Attraction, but preferably not until she's sent home next week). Sources say Kristy gave away her little paper to someone in the audience. My question is--who would want it? Paula is consulted on what she thinks of Rami and Kristy being in the bottom three and says she thinks they both had "good nights."

Time to catch up with a few of our former Idol contestants who are currently living in Nashville. First up is Bucky Covington, who I'm told got a divorce since his time on the show in season 5. He says AI is one of the "smartest thing I've ever did" (LOL) and that he currently has two singles out. Then Phil Stacey gets to plug his upcoming album and his wife shows off her new hairdo. Bo Bice has been busy since he lost to Carrie Underwood in season 4--he endured multiple surgeries, took a year off, built a recording studio, started a record label, cut two albums and had a son. He very diplomatically explains why his new album "See the Light" is nothing like "The Real Thing" (aka the piece of crap album AI produced). Ryan explains that we will be tracking down more former contestants in the coming weeks. Oooh...is anyone else dying to find out what's been going on with Kevin Covias? How about Haley Scarnat-ho? Melissa McGhee? Didn't think so.

Let's fill that third stool....Syesha is trotted out and asked if she found covering IWALY to be a daunting task. She hems and haws over her answer, and it's obvious that no, she thinks she's the next Whitney and would love for people to start agreeing with her. She's safe. Which leaves Jason and Brooke, who travel arm-in-arm to center stage. Ry asks blondie how she thought she did after watching the tape back, and Brooke responds that she hasn't had a chance to watch yet, but wants Simon to apologize to the violinist. Si takes the opportunity to break his earlier promise and apologize to everyone in the room. Brooke is...not safe, and Jason heads to the couch. Simon is asked what he thinks of the b-3 (which I predicted correctly BTW) and he says he agrees with it. Then he explains he was only trying to help Carly with the fashion comment (tell her not to wear yellow, I say!) and Randy interjects with a, "Because the show's about fashion, not singing, right?" Good one, Jackson.

This week's IGB plug focuses on two homeless sisters in Ethiopia who were separated for months but have since been reunited and given a place to stay thanks to the IGB street team, who never stop working for you. Carly cries openly, and MJ passes DC a tissue. Aw.

Next, Dolly Parton performs her new single "Jesus and Gravity" in a white sparkly outfit only Dolly could pull off. I like the concept of the song in theory (if Pauler were singing it'd go, "I've got stimulants lifting me up, I've got booze holding me down...") but between all the Jesus talk, the philanthropy, Brooke's soon-to-come mini-sermon, and the full-on choir I feel the need to go watch an R-rated movie or something.

FINALLY we get our less-than-shocking results. Jackson calls it, Simon says "it won't be Brooke," Brooke gives her mini-sermon and is sent back to safety. (Sources say she was practically hyperventilating up there and even Nigel came on stage to comfort her.) After the vote, it's Kristy whose sent to safety, and the shot of the open-mouthed Malubays is PRICELESS. They are utterly shocked, and Rami is utterly crushed...not only by the let-down but by Kristy's chest as they hug.

We see her Idol journey video, all the girls line up behind her in support as she reprises "Do I Ever Cross Your Mind" and the boys eventually join in for a group hug. Goodbye our teary little Ramiele, we love your voice and all-around cuteness. Keep working on your wardrobe and stage presence between now and the tour and we'll come see ya, deal?

Here's the official scoop on next week's Idol Gives Back extravaganza:

The actual charity event will be filmed on Sunday, April 6th at the Kodak Theater (tickets for the event were sold instead of given away). Ellen DeGeneres will no longer be co-hosting the event due to scheduling conflicts, so Seacrest is on his own.

The top 8 will perform Inspirational Songs live the following Tuesday from 8-9 and (unless the sponsors aren't as generous as last year) your votes will not only determine their fate but will generate donation money.

The pre-taped footage from the charity event will air Wednesday from 7:30-10 and feature appearances and performances by a slew of celebs like Brad Pitt, Mariah Carey, Snoop Dogg and Miley Cyrus. Mariah was originally scheduled to perform a duet with the late Marvin Gaye in the same style as last year's Celine Dion/Elvis performance, but that act has been cut.

Then one contestant will be eliminated on the results show at a special day and time (Thursday from 8-9) with a performance of "No Air" by Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown.

What's Dolly Night Without A Little 9 to 5?

Dolly Parton night made me sick. Literally. And (surprisingly) it had nothing to do with the music. Instead I blame a combination of lack of sleep, empty stomach, strep throat and being on my feet for four hours straight. Which is what I endured against my better judgement in order to be part of the dress rehearsal audience. The same foolish and misguided combination got the best of me at a Daughtry concert where I started seeing stars and almost passed out in the middle the show. So it's fortunate that I wasn't invited to stay for the live taping this time because the minute I left the studio I was hit with a wicked headache and overwhelming nausea that still plagues me even after a nap, Advil, and two meals.

This time we filmed the results show lineup footage at the start of the rehearsal instead of at the end of the live taping. They made us clap and cheer for a good three minutes which as you can imagine, is pretty ridiculous. The only thing that got me through it was that David Cook (a.k.a. my imaginary boyfriend) was on the end closest to me.

Ryan's whole April Fool's "joke" (did anyone think it was actually funny?) was not part of the rehearsal. Instead they showed him on the screen in the hair and makeup room with the contestants clustered around him.

Though I am not a Dolly Parton fan (as evidenced by my song suggestion post) I have newfound respect for her after learning that she's penned over 3,000 songs. However, based on the footage shown of her working with the contestants, I'm not sure she actually contributed anything but Paula-esque happy sunshine and rainbows blather. Still, it was cute to see some of the contestants starstruck and nervous to be meeting and performing in front of their first celebrity mentor of the season.

Brooke's up first with "Jolene." In rehearsal she started playing at the start of her video clip on accident. The same thing happened to Jason the last time I was there (top 12 week) and I can see why--when it's announced that they're "counting down to Brooke" it does seem like it would be her cue. Anyway, the performance was breathy and it seemed like she was rushing to stay on top of the music. I think this explains why Brooke shines when she sings the really slow-paced stuff. While it worked to a degree it was not one of her best, and I do think there's a very real possibility that she'll be making her maiden voyage to the dreaded b3 when next we meet. B-

D-Cook finally got some chat time with Ry, and it couldn't have worked out better since I was in the second row right in front of the chat stools. I got another solo wave from him when he and Ramiele were up on the rafters practicing their "coming up next" clip. Then when he came down for the interview portion he was swiveling around waiting for Ryan and asked if he was in the right place. He saw a "David" sign and asked, "Is that for me or Archuleta? Either way it's cool." Then they called him to the center of the stage to check the adjustment of the mic stand, during which time Ryan grabbed a 6-year old from the audience and deemed her David's sit-in. On his way back over to the stools David (who seemed more nervous this time) panicked for a sec and exclaimed, "My ear fell out!" A stagehand quickly retrieved his earpiece from the back of his neck and everyone laughed. Then he went and stood behind his chair, which was still occupied by the little girl who Ryan interviewed instead asking her what inspired David Cook to wear a dress today and if she would be performing as a boy or girl. David laughed but I'm not sure he was actually amused. Anyway, the live interview was of course different and they took the time to clear up the cover of a cover controversy and hopefully shut Doxology up once and for all. One thing he didn't mention was that "Hello" was actually Incubus's arrangement, but 3 outta 4 admissions ain't bad. This time he chose to do his own arrangement of "Little Sparrow" and I didn't care for it as much as I'd hoped. I liked that he did an acoustic song but there was just too much upper register/falsetto for me for it. He looked good though. Not sure if you could see this on screen but his cufflinks were rhinestone (diamond?) skull and crossbones. A-

Ramiele was up next with "Do I Ever Cross Your Mind." I was glad to see her do something somewhat upbeat but once again she failed to really deliver, opting to do the Idol side-step and wear a school marm jumper. Vocally I don't think it was bad but she can never seem to get all of the elements in place at once which is unfortunate because I like her. And I felt Simon's ten years comment was generous--I couldn't remember what she sang 10 minutes later. I do believe it's time to say goodbye to Malubay--which might not be so bad since she and Jason are starting to morph into the same person (she quoted him tonight when she said she was "kinda freaking out"). C

Speaking of Jason, the audience was surprised when he and Carly came on stage from the back of the room during rehearsal. Now I see that it's because they randomly chose to film their "coming up next" clip there. For their pretend interview Ryan asked him what it was like to meet Dolly and complimented him on his snazzy brown snakeskin boots. I found it funny that the live "interview" consisted of the interviewee not talking which was convenient since he hates doing interviews. And someone needs to remind Ryan that it's a federal offense to read someone else's mail...especially before they get a chance to (this is why I'm leery of sending postcards). Dolly called Jason "kinda funky lookin'" which I found insulting considering the source's lack of natural body parts. Jason picks "Travelin' Thru" and I do believe he's trying to win me back. The song suited him perfectly, his vocal was solid and I actually got chills during the "God made me for a reason" line when I saw it in person. He was singing out of the side of his mouth a lot though, but I noticed that he toned it down for the live show. A-

Carly was up next with an excellent rendition of "Here You Come Again" which Dolly didn't actually write. I thought it was the perfect song choice and was surprised by the slightest country lilt in her voice that made it even better. She was a bit raspy on a few of the notes but other than that I enjoyed it. I notice that she doesn't seem to have as much audience support as most of the others, which I think could result in a b3 visit as soon as next week. For what it's worth the fake Randy (sit-in during the rehearsal) said something about her having strep the past two weeks. And although Carly made an effort to smile, it seems her husband is incapable of it. I walked right past him (he's kinda hard to miss) as well as Brooke's hubby on the way out. A

I saw Archie's dad in the audience this time - he was sitting up in the back with David's potential prom date and he had his arms crossed the entire time. I don't know about you, but if my kid were performing on the most popular show in America--even just rehearsing for it--I would show a little more enthusiasm while they were up there, even if I'd seen it a million times. There was a 21-year old fangirl in my section who brought a "David A. I Love You, Will You Marry Me?" sign as well as a folder with 8X10's of the contestants and a sharpie, so when he and Kristy plopped down on the stairs in front of us to rehearse their cutaway clip I watched her reaction which was pure frozen giggily starstruck-ness. I mentally willed her to snap out of it and make the most of the opportunity to get her stuff signed but it was not meant to be. Archie sang "Smoky Mountain Memories" and other than being a bit breathy in the beginning I thought it was his best vocal since "Imagine," although I think he sang it better in rehearsal. There is actually an online petition to get him to stop wearing beige but I think the color suits him perfectly. And I wouldn't say that a song that talks about snowflakes, old folks, and Jesus qualifies as a great song choice for a 17-year old, Simon. A-

Our resident country girl then took the stage with "Coat of Many Colors" which I had assumed had something to do with Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat but apparently is a true story from Dolly's past. Kristy looked amazing in a long flowy dress with barefeet which reminded me of LeAnn Rimes again. The song itself was probably her best but it was not a performance that will be talked about around the watercoolers today. B+

Was ANYONE surprised that Syesha chose to do the Whitney version of "I Will Always Love You"? Anyone at all? Didn't think so. I'm told that perching atop the piano diva-style is an Idol first. Vocally this was very strong and she held some notes impressively long but there was a bit of awkward phrasing thrown in. What bugged me the most was the weird red lighting dotted with white spots that made the stage look like it had a scary rash. Syesha looked almost teary during rehearsal but a kid named Trevor made her smile by randomly giving her his Bob Marley ring. They had her practice getting down off the piano (not an easy task in a dress mind you) which is probably when they decided she should ditch the shoes she was originally wearing. And I'd tell you what I thought of her dress but I'm guessing you already know. Sleepingbeauty is not a fan of yellow. A-

Michael closed the show with a smokin' soulful rendition of "It's All Wrong But it's All Right." He's proven that he's back in this two weeks in a row and I'm (finally!) starting to remember why I liked him originally. I'm sure the Aussie Posse has got the "sexy lovin' lies" part on repeat, because that was undeniably hot. A

At the end of the rehearsal they rolled the recap from last week including Chikezie's part, which earned some "awww!"'s. Then Nigel came on stage and called an Idol huddle round the piano. No idea what they were talking about (April fools pranks?), but it lasted for a few minutes and D-Cook's eyes were a sparklin'.

Anyone else think the sudden burst of onstage accompaniments is an attempt to hide the fact that these kids can't seem to sing and work the stage at the same time? I mean, on a night where Ramiele had the most movement you know somethings wrong.

As for the absence of "9 to 5" I'm told that's the song Chikezie would have picked if he'd made it another round, and you can bet your booty that it'll be part of the Dollywood group medley.

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B-3 prediction: Ramiele, Kristy and Brooke with Rami out the door.

Idol Headlines ~ 3/31/08

Tickets on Sale for Idol Gives Back

Spoiler - Top 9 Ford Commerical PHOTOS

Former Idols to Appear on "Bones"

Idol Contestant Bound for Broadway?

Elliott Yamin's mother Claudette has just passed away. Claudette was a wonderful woman who was featured on the show throughout season 5 and considered by many to be the favorite contestant mother. Our thoughts and prayers go out to the Yamin family during this difficult time.

Chris Sligh's album "Running Back to You" drops May 6th. His single "Empty Me" is currently #24 on the Billboard Hot Christian songs chart.

Wednesday's results show will feature Dolly Parton singing "Jesus & Gravity" as well as a performance by The Clark Brothers (winners of The Next Great American Band).

Both Kellie Pickler and Chikezie are scheduled to appear on Ellen on 4/2.

Song Spoilers - Dolly Week

Got some possible song spoilers for ya, but they have not been confirmed. These were posted on idolforums.com and the source is claimed to be a radio DJ who received the studio recordings already. A separate list was posted on dialidol.com but is believed to be an April Fool's joke.

Click on the comments to read the more believable of the two lists.

Hello Dolly: Song Suggestions/Predictions

Despite several desperate pleas to the AI gods, the theme for the top 9 has been confirmed to be limited to Dolly Parton songs, not just any ole honky tonk badonkadonk. Not sure if they'll be allowed to do songs Dolly merely covered instead of wrote, but I'm *crossing my fingers* and suggesting some anyway. I approached the research aspect of this post like a drive-by: get in, get it done and get the hell out of there. Unfortunately, in this scenario, I am both the shooter and the shoot-ee, as I found myself left behind with self-inflicted gunshot wounds. The doctor is pessimistically optimistic that I will recover, although I won't be out of the woods until after all is said and done next week.

I can't say that I actually WANT to hear any of this stuff but I did my best:

KLC (Who Will Probably Close the Show and Advance to the Next Round Simply Because She is the Resident Country Bumpkin this Year): I see her doing "Islands in the Stream" although a few others have suggested "9 to 5." If she wants to go all-out and pander to middle America again, Dolly has done both "The Star Spangled Banner" and "Go Tell it on the Mountain." The most tolerable song I came across for her is "Wild Flowers." I also think she should wear a ridiculously sparkly Dolly inspired dress, just because.

MJ: Dolly has covered "Crimson and Clover," "She Drives Me Crazy" and "Blowin' in the Wind," and I'm recommending them in that order.

Ramiele: Looks like she and Syesha will be battling it out for "I Will Always Love You," but if she loses the coin toss I suggest "Starting Over Again."

Jason: "But You Know That I Love You" or "Only Dreamin'." (I didn't write down any notes as to why, and I don't dare go back to the scene of the crime to re-listen.)

Syesha: Again, odds are that she'll do the Whitney version of "I Will Always Love You," but if not I recommend "9 to 5" so she can show some personality.

Carly: "Jolene," "Turn, Turn, Turn," "Think About Love" or "Light of a Clear Blue Morning. " In that order.

D-Cook: Alright, well the White Stripes did a cover of "Jolene" so odds are that's what we'll be hearing, but I have a few alternate suggestions: I'd kinda like to see him throw his hat in the ring for "I Will Always Love You" because his rendition would probably be more enjoyable than a diva-fied one. And while I'm normally not one for religious songs, there's a Desperado-esque feeling to "He's Alive" that he might be able to work with. Last but not least there's "Where do the Children Play."

Brooke: I've seen a lot of people suggesting "Jolene" for Brooke which would be fine, but I'd prefer "Here You Come Again" or "Please Don't Stop Loving Me."

Archie: I see him doing "9 to 5" in the same spirit he did "Shop Around." However, if he wants to preach to us again, Dolly did a cover of Elvis's "In the Ghetto." Or perhaps he'll be the one to do "The Star Spangled Banner" or simply resurrect "Imagine" again.

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Agree? Disagree? What would you like to hear?