What's Dolly Night Without A Little 9 to 5?

Dolly Parton night made me sick. Literally. And (surprisingly) it had nothing to do with the music. Instead I blame a combination of lack of sleep, empty stomach, strep throat and being on my feet for four hours straight. Which is what I endured against my better judgement in order to be part of the dress rehearsal audience. The same foolish and misguided combination got the best of me at a Daughtry concert where I started seeing stars and almost passed out in the middle the show. So it's fortunate that I wasn't invited to stay for the live taping this time because the minute I left the studio I was hit with a wicked headache and overwhelming nausea that still plagues me even after a nap, Advil, and two meals.

This time we filmed the results show lineup footage at the start of the rehearsal instead of at the end of the live taping. They made us clap and cheer for a good three minutes which as you can imagine, is pretty ridiculous. The only thing that got me through it was that David Cook (a.k.a. my imaginary boyfriend) was on the end closest to me.

Ryan's whole April Fool's "joke" (did anyone think it was actually funny?) was not part of the rehearsal. Instead they showed him on the screen in the hair and makeup room with the contestants clustered around him.

Though I am not a Dolly Parton fan (as evidenced by my song suggestion post) I have newfound respect for her after learning that she's penned over 3,000 songs. However, based on the footage shown of her working with the contestants, I'm not sure she actually contributed anything but Paula-esque happy sunshine and rainbows blather. Still, it was cute to see some of the contestants starstruck and nervous to be meeting and performing in front of their first celebrity mentor of the season.

Brooke's up first with "Jolene." In rehearsal she started playing at the start of her video clip on accident. The same thing happened to Jason the last time I was there (top 12 week) and I can see why--when it's announced that they're "counting down to Brooke" it does seem like it would be her cue. Anyway, the performance was breathy and it seemed like she was rushing to stay on top of the music. I think this explains why Brooke shines when she sings the really slow-paced stuff. While it worked to a degree it was not one of her best, and I do think there's a very real possibility that she'll be making her maiden voyage to the dreaded b3 when next we meet. B-

D-Cook finally got some chat time with Ry, and it couldn't have worked out better since I was in the second row right in front of the chat stools. I got another solo wave from him when he and Ramiele were up on the rafters practicing their "coming up next" clip. Then when he came down for the interview portion he was swiveling around waiting for Ryan and asked if he was in the right place. He saw a "David" sign and asked, "Is that for me or Archuleta? Either way it's cool." Then they called him to the center of the stage to check the adjustment of the mic stand, during which time Ryan grabbed a 6-year old from the audience and deemed her David's sit-in. On his way back over to the stools David (who seemed more nervous this time) panicked for a sec and exclaimed, "My ear fell out!" A stagehand quickly retrieved his earpiece from the back of his neck and everyone laughed. Then he went and stood behind his chair, which was still occupied by the little girl who Ryan interviewed instead asking her what inspired David Cook to wear a dress today and if she would be performing as a boy or girl. David laughed but I'm not sure he was actually amused. Anyway, the live interview was of course different and they took the time to clear up the cover of a cover controversy and hopefully shut Doxology up once and for all. One thing he didn't mention was that "Hello" was actually Incubus's arrangement, but 3 outta 4 admissions ain't bad. This time he chose to do his own arrangement of "Little Sparrow" and I didn't care for it as much as I'd hoped. I liked that he did an acoustic song but there was just too much upper register/falsetto for me for it. He looked good though. Not sure if you could see this on screen but his cufflinks were rhinestone (diamond?) skull and crossbones. A-

Ramiele was up next with "Do I Ever Cross Your Mind." I was glad to see her do something somewhat upbeat but once again she failed to really deliver, opting to do the Idol side-step and wear a school marm jumper. Vocally I don't think it was bad but she can never seem to get all of the elements in place at once which is unfortunate because I like her. And I felt Simon's ten years comment was generous--I couldn't remember what she sang 10 minutes later. I do believe it's time to say goodbye to Malubay--which might not be so bad since she and Jason are starting to morph into the same person (she quoted him tonight when she said she was "kinda freaking out"). C

Speaking of Jason, the audience was surprised when he and Carly came on stage from the back of the room during rehearsal. Now I see that it's because they randomly chose to film their "coming up next" clip there. For their pretend interview Ryan asked him what it was like to meet Dolly and complimented him on his snazzy brown snakeskin boots. I found it funny that the live "interview" consisted of the interviewee not talking which was convenient since he hates doing interviews. And someone needs to remind Ryan that it's a federal offense to read someone else's mail...especially before they get a chance to (this is why I'm leery of sending postcards). Dolly called Jason "kinda funky lookin'" which I found insulting considering the source's lack of natural body parts. Jason picks "Travelin' Thru" and I do believe he's trying to win me back. The song suited him perfectly, his vocal was solid and I actually got chills during the "God made me for a reason" line when I saw it in person. He was singing out of the side of his mouth a lot though, but I noticed that he toned it down for the live show. A-

Carly was up next with an excellent rendition of "Here You Come Again" which Dolly didn't actually write. I thought it was the perfect song choice and was surprised by the slightest country lilt in her voice that made it even better. She was a bit raspy on a few of the notes but other than that I enjoyed it. I notice that she doesn't seem to have as much audience support as most of the others, which I think could result in a b3 visit as soon as next week. For what it's worth the fake Randy (sit-in during the rehearsal) said something about her having strep the past two weeks. And although Carly made an effort to smile, it seems her husband is incapable of it. I walked right past him (he's kinda hard to miss) as well as Brooke's hubby on the way out. A

I saw Archie's dad in the audience this time - he was sitting up in the back with David's potential prom date and he had his arms crossed the entire time. I don't know about you, but if my kid were performing on the most popular show in America--even just rehearsing for it--I would show a little more enthusiasm while they were up there, even if I'd seen it a million times. There was a 21-year old fangirl in my section who brought a "David A. I Love You, Will You Marry Me?" sign as well as a folder with 8X10's of the contestants and a sharpie, so when he and Kristy plopped down on the stairs in front of us to rehearse their cutaway clip I watched her reaction which was pure frozen giggily starstruck-ness. I mentally willed her to snap out of it and make the most of the opportunity to get her stuff signed but it was not meant to be. Archie sang "Smoky Mountain Memories" and other than being a bit breathy in the beginning I thought it was his best vocal since "Imagine," although I think he sang it better in rehearsal. There is actually an online petition to get him to stop wearing beige but I think the color suits him perfectly. And I wouldn't say that a song that talks about snowflakes, old folks, and Jesus qualifies as a great song choice for a 17-year old, Simon. A-

Our resident country girl then took the stage with "Coat of Many Colors" which I had assumed had something to do with Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat but apparently is a true story from Dolly's past. Kristy looked amazing in a long flowy dress with barefeet which reminded me of LeAnn Rimes again. The song itself was probably her best but it was not a performance that will be talked about around the watercoolers today. B+

Was ANYONE surprised that Syesha chose to do the Whitney version of "I Will Always Love You"? Anyone at all? Didn't think so. I'm told that perching atop the piano diva-style is an Idol first. Vocally this was very strong and she held some notes impressively long but there was a bit of awkward phrasing thrown in. What bugged me the most was the weird red lighting dotted with white spots that made the stage look like it had a scary rash. Syesha looked almost teary during rehearsal but a kid named Trevor made her smile by randomly giving her his Bob Marley ring. They had her practice getting down off the piano (not an easy task in a dress mind you) which is probably when they decided she should ditch the shoes she was originally wearing. And I'd tell you what I thought of her dress but I'm guessing you already know. Sleepingbeauty is not a fan of yellow. A-

Michael closed the show with a smokin' soulful rendition of "It's All Wrong But it's All Right." He's proven that he's back in this two weeks in a row and I'm (finally!) starting to remember why I liked him originally. I'm sure the Aussie Posse has got the "sexy lovin' lies" part on repeat, because that was undeniably hot. A

At the end of the rehearsal they rolled the recap from last week including Chikezie's part, which earned some "awww!"'s. Then Nigel came on stage and called an Idol huddle round the piano. No idea what they were talking about (April fools pranks?), but it lasted for a few minutes and D-Cook's eyes were a sparklin'.

Anyone else think the sudden burst of onstage accompaniments is an attempt to hide the fact that these kids can't seem to sing and work the stage at the same time? I mean, on a night where Ramiele had the most movement you know somethings wrong.

As for the absence of "9 to 5" I'm told that's the song Chikezie would have picked if he'd made it another round, and you can bet your booty that it'll be part of the Dollywood group medley.

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B-3 prediction: Ramiele, Kristy and Brooke with Rami out the door.