Inspiring the Uninspired

Ahh...inspiration. The word translates thusly: "A prompting, esp. to creative action, that arises within the mind; an illumination; breathing." I took the liberty of checking, and all eight finalists are indeed breathing (D-Cook got mouth-to-mouth), although most are still weary of the whole moving while singing thing.

A quick glance around the house reveals the following: Lacey Schwimmer! Sinbad! Will sans Grace! Taylor Swift! Luke Menard! Amy Davis! Yep, no one too high up on the celebrity food chain.

Here are my performance reviews in order of appearance:

Michael "Livin' the Dream" Johns

"Dream On" by Aerosmith

Performance Review: Michael again dons a neckerchief (who does he think he is, Hef?), parks it in front of the mic stand and sings a rock song. I was totally diggin' it (me hearts Aerosmith) until the end when a group of angry feral cats jumped out of his throat (otherwise known as "the high note"). MJ doomed himself by wearing the unlucky black vest instead of the lucky grey one (for more on this, check out The Brotherhood of the Traveling Idol Vest).

What this performance inspired me to do: Head bang a little...then shriek in terror along with the cats.

Syesha "Don't Stop Believin'" Mercado

"I Believe" by Fantasia

Interview: We get a Rami update. Because no one particularly cares to learn more about Syesha. (Sorry Sistah, I tell it like it is).

Performance Review: Our resident wannabe-diva decides to follow in the misguided footsteps of Miss LaKisha Jones and sing Fantasia's coronation song, which is wrong on so many levels. As I have mentioned previously, I am not a fan of Fantasia, however the emotional connection she has with that song cannot be beat. Syesha's vocal was not bad (with the exception of forced runs and an iffy high note), however she should be eliminated purely on principle.

What this performance inspired me to do: Shake my head in frustration, and briefly ponder if Syesha has sticks for brains.

Jason "Dreams Come True" Castro

"Somewhere Over the Rainbow" (the Hawaiian dude version)

Performance Review: Jason is now not only the first contestant to perform with an instrument, but the first to bust out a friggin' ukulele. I get what he was trying to do and think he sang it well, but the whole thing came off as a bit fruit loopy for me (the lame screensaver didn't help). I refuse to compare this to Katharine's shining moment in season 5, because it's just not comparable. And I think the extra heaping of praise from Jackson was an attempt to keep the Dreadheads from rioting after his shocking comment on Larry King (he said he wouldn't sign Jason but would sign KLC!).

What this performance inspired me to do: Crave something more manly (and a bigger instrument). *wink*

Kristy "Do it Anyway" Lee Cook

"Anyway" by Martina McBride

Performance Review: The Queen of the Sparkly Tank Tops took on a song by one of country music's best. Aside from some pitch problems this was easily her best performance. But I still didn't enjoy it.

What this performance inspired me to do: Scowl. A lot. And check to make sure my socks were still on. Yep.

David "We Are All Innocent" Cook

"Innocent" by Our Lady Peace

Performance Review: Even before learning this was the song he'd selected to sing (back when I was compiling my list of song suggestions) I decided Simon would call it "self-indulgent" (which is one of the reasons why I didn't suggest it). But David decided to cut the first verse ("Oh Johnny wishes he was famous/Spends his time alone in the basement") and so Simon instead went with the word "pompous." Definitely not his best, but I expect that the full-length studio recording will be a million times better.

What this performance inspired me to do: Vote like hell to try and keep him b-3 free. And swoon a little.

Carly "Life Must Go On" Smithson

"Show Must Go On" by Queen

Performance Review: This was pitchy and uneven. I loves me some Queen, and she butchered it. Looks like Carly borrowed one of Freddie's leotards. And Cleopatra's jewelry. Not an improvement, Simon.

What this performance inspired me to do: Have Gina Glocksen flashbacks. "Edgy" rocker chick who REALLY REALLY wanted it but was eliminated around this time last year...

David "Light at the End of the Tunnel" Archuleta

"Angels" by Robbie Williams

Interview: Archie practices early in the morning and late at night. Sorry neighbors!

Performance Review: He sang about old people again. What's up with that? This was mushy gaspy goodness, but still not my cup 'o tea (after all, sleepingbeauty lives on The Dark Side).

What this performance inspired me to do: Contemplate the possibility that David Archuleta is actually a 76-year old man trapped in a 17-year old's body.

Brooke "Feel Good" White

"You've Got a Friend" by Carole King

Performance Review: Girl looked good, but I think she's trying too hard. It's obvious that she belonged behind the piano but didn't want to be pigeonholed, and that she made an effort not to dance again. The song was sleepy and a wee bit depressing for those of us who do not have friends who can and will drop everything to come running.

What this performance inspired me to do: Yawn. And cringe a little.

* * *

B-3 Prediction: Syesha, Carly, and Johns, with the wannabe diva getting the axe.