I apologize for the lateness of this recap -- I had to tape the show in order to go play mentor to a cast of struggling actors who are performing the same play I starred in five years ago. And unlike Dolly P, I didn't just smile and blow smoke. I actually think I may have offended some of them, but the truth hurts.
Onto your results...
Exactly 26 hours after I left the studio feeling faint, someone in the pit actually DID pass out. According to a source from People magazine, the young woman fainted when there was only 90 seconds til air and Carly, Ramiele and Kristy all rushed over. The audience member was taken care of and the contestants back in their seats in time for the broadcast.
Ryan opens the show, tells us a little of what's to come and intros the judges. Then the top 9 take the stage to perform "9 to 5" (what'd I tell ya?). This time they each get a solo part. Interestingly enough, those who end up in the bottom three are the first to sing. The videotape I have is old and warbly (yes I know it's time for TiVo) which makes them all sound awful. DC rubs butts with both MJ and Rami (what a man whore! *wink*) Archie is starting to look like a real boy (is that man cleavage I see in those tight jeans?) Carly climbs up on the judges table to sass Simon, while D-Cook sings to Pauler. It of course ends with big "ta-da!" hands.
Commercials (I do believe we got Coke-Ford-AT&T), then roll tape of performance footage. Again, the b-3 to come are all shown in a row, this time in the middle of the lot.
Begin results process. Same concept as the previous two weeks: Couches are comfy, stools are not, let's trot 'em out one by one to see how they rate. First up is MJ, who just may be the only person on the planet to make a Dolly Parton T-shirt look sexy. He's SAFE. So is Archie. Then comes Carly. Seacrest toys with her a little, saying she's no stranger to the b-3, then tells her she can join the boys on the couch.
Time for (insert sarcastic voice here) everyone's favorite Caller Questions segment! 13-year old Haley wants to know what Syesha misses most about home (didn't she already answer this previously?) The answer of course is the obvious "hanging out with friends and family." Robert, who is also 13, asks D-Cook if he could succeed at any talent what would it be? This question was already posed to the contestants in their weekly online Q&A but DC chooses to spice things up with a different answer this time: Although it's not quite a talent, he'd like to be more organized and less of a slob. Roomie Jason's reaction is priceless--he nods and says "YEAH!" Then Jay turns to Michael and they agree that as DC's roomies, they can attest to his slobiness, and David apologizes to them both. It's okay David, when we live together we'll hire a maid (or a team of them if necessary--I don't like to clean either). Next, 26-year old sleepingbeauty of Los Angeles wants to know why so many 13-year olds get to ask questions that have already been asked. Actually a guy named Bill who shares my age and city asks Randy who he'd like to work with. The Dawg diplomatically answers the winner of Idol this year, which could be a boy or a girl. A mystery caller known as "Line 9" due to the fact that they put line 8's info on the screen instead poses a question to Michael Johns or David Cook. Kristy jokingly lolls her head on Carly's shoulder and they laugh about being so unpopular with the callers. The mystery callers question is: "What song will you be singing on the tour?" The guys joke about "Islands in the Stream" with DC doing the Dolly part, but the official answer is that they aren't planning that far ahead. And lastly, 52-year old Mary of Saugus, CA (a city I lived in for 10 years as a matter of fact) wants to know why Simon feels it's necessary to apologize after every critique. Apparently she doesn't realize that his "sorry's" are sarcastic, and he vows never to say it again.
The Clark Brothers, winner's of the Next Great American Band are up next with "This Little Light of Mine," a song I can honestly say I never expected to see performed on Idol. It's a funky country version, they jam on unidentifiable instruments, and at one point it looks like the vocalist's head is going to explode. That's all I have to say about that.
After the break we see the Ford Commercial which consists of the top 9 playing a pick up b-ball game to the tune of "It's Tricky" (one of my favorite songs on the "Can't Hardly Wait" soundtrack). There are a lot of slam dunks, some cheering, Archie plays referee and...that's about it. Boo on you, Ford. This was the perfect opportunity to feature a shirtless Jason and you blew it!
Back to your results. Ryan turns to Carly on the couch to ask if she's still miffed by Simon's slam about her wardrobe (ironically she's wearing an ugly YELLOW top this time). She points out that he still hasn't apologized, and apparently never will after what he said during the call-ins. DC is called out center stage to learn his fate, but first, we get a health update. Yes, he does have high blood pressure and he did go to the hospital but the whole thing was "blown way out of proportion." (Family members say he NEVER collapsed). Anyway, he's safe. Next up is Ramiele, looking even more dwarf-y in boots and a long T-shirt. Not surprisingly, she is the first person sent to the stools. Then it's Kristy's turn in the spotlight, and she's brought a slip of paper which reads "Kristy's seat" because she knows where she's headed (someone needs to school that girl on the Law of Attraction, but preferably not until she's sent home next week). Sources say Kristy gave away her little paper to someone in the audience. My question is--who would want it? Paula is consulted on what she thinks of Rami and Kristy being in the bottom three and says she thinks they both had "good nights."
Time to catch up with a few of our former Idol contestants who are currently living in Nashville. First up is Bucky Covington, who I'm told got a divorce since his time on the show in season 5. He says AI is one of the "smartest thing I've ever did" (LOL) and that he currently has two singles out. Then Phil Stacey gets to plug his upcoming album and his wife shows off her new hairdo. Bo Bice has been busy since he lost to Carrie Underwood in season 4--he endured multiple surgeries, took a year off, built a recording studio, started a record label, cut two albums and had a son. He very diplomatically explains why his new album "See the Light" is nothing like "The Real Thing" (aka the piece of crap album AI produced). Ryan explains that we will be tracking down more former contestants in the coming weeks. Oooh...is anyone else dying to find out what's been going on with Kevin Covias? How about Haley Scarnat-ho? Melissa McGhee? Didn't think so.
Let's fill that third stool....Syesha is trotted out and asked if she found covering IWALY to be a daunting task. She hems and haws over her answer, and it's obvious that no, she thinks she's the next Whitney and would love for people to start agreeing with her. She's safe. Which leaves Jason and Brooke, who travel arm-in-arm to center stage. Ry asks blondie how she thought she did after watching the tape back, and Brooke responds that she hasn't had a chance to watch yet, but wants Simon to apologize to the violinist. Si takes the opportunity to break his earlier promise and apologize to everyone in the room. Brooke is...not safe, and Jason heads to the couch. Simon is asked what he thinks of the b-3 (which I predicted correctly BTW) and he says he agrees with it. Then he explains he was only trying to help Carly with the fashion comment (tell her not to wear yellow, I say!) and Randy interjects with a, "Because the show's about fashion, not singing, right?" Good one, Jackson.
This week's IGB plug focuses on two homeless sisters in Ethiopia who were separated for months but have since been reunited and given a place to stay thanks to the IGB street team, who never stop working for you. Carly cries openly, and MJ passes DC a tissue. Aw.
Next, Dolly Parton performs her new single "Jesus and Gravity" in a white sparkly outfit only Dolly could pull off. I like the concept of the song in theory (if Pauler were singing it'd go, "I've got stimulants lifting me up, I've got booze holding me down...") but between all the Jesus talk, the philanthropy, Brooke's soon-to-come mini-sermon, and the full-on choir I feel the need to go watch an R-rated movie or something.
FINALLY we get our less-than-shocking results. Jackson calls it, Simon says "it won't be Brooke," Brooke gives her mini-sermon and is sent back to safety. (Sources say she was practically hyperventilating up there and even Nigel came on stage to comfort her.) After the vote, it's Kristy whose sent to safety, and the shot of the open-mouthed Malubays is PRICELESS. They are utterly shocked, and Rami is utterly crushed...not only by the let-down but by Kristy's chest as they hug.
We see her Idol journey video, all the girls line up behind her in support as she reprises "Do I Ever Cross Your Mind" and the boys eventually join in for a group hug. Goodbye our teary little Ramiele, we love your voice and all-around cuteness. Keep working on your wardrobe and stage presence between now and the tour and we'll come see ya, deal?
Here's the official scoop on next week's Idol Gives Back extravaganza:
The actual charity event will be filmed on Sunday, April 6th at the Kodak Theater (tickets for the event were sold instead of given away). Ellen DeGeneres will no longer be co-hosting the event due to scheduling conflicts, so Seacrest is on his own.
The top 8 will perform Inspirational Songs live the following Tuesday from 8-9 and (unless the sponsors aren't as generous as last year) your votes will not only determine their fate but will generate donation money.
The pre-taped footage from the charity event will air Wednesday from 7:30-10 and feature appearances and performances by a slew of celebs like Brad Pitt, Mariah Carey, Snoop Dogg and Miley Cyrus. Mariah was originally scheduled to perform a duet with the late Marvin Gaye in the same style as last year's Celine Dion/Elvis performance, but that act has been cut.
Then one contestant will be eliminated on the results show at a special day and time (Thursday from 8-9) with a performance of "No Air" by Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown.
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