These results shows are just getting more and more unbearable...and it has nothing to do with having to say goodbye to a contestant. Join me, will you, as I lead us through the latest drawn-out elimination (aka an hour-long preview of what hell is like).
Over 30 million votes were received this week, which is the most so far this season. Former contestants Amy Davis (for the second night in a row), David Hernandez and Danny Noriega are in the audience, but no one seems to care.
Say hi to the top 10, show love to the judges and don't forget to submit your song to the songwriting contest.
Time for what just might be the cheesiest group song in the history of group songs, upon where the top 10 run out on stage to camp it up with "Right Back Where We Started From." Their dancing is extra goofy, however the prize for MOST goofy would have to go to Jason. You know that first time you run into your ex after the breakup and you study them to see how well they're taking it and how good they look? Well, after publicly ending things with Jason the night before, of course he had to decide to get back at me by dressing hot for once. Sigh. Still, my favorite (only) part of this trainwreck was when D-Cook and MJ bumped chests, because at least it was funny.
We get an ad for IGB during the commercial break, and then a thinly-veiled ad for iTunes as they roll footage of the top 10 recording their studio versions of this weeks songs. Next it's recap footage from the night before whereupon we are reminded of Brooke's re-start to her song and some other stuff I couldn't be bothered to jot down.
This week's elimination process is exactly the same as last week -- comfy sofas on one end of the stage, ridiculously uncomfortable b-3 stools on the other, trot the contestants out one by one to learn their fate.
First up is Cheesy, and he's banished to the not fun side of the stage. Then we have Brooke in a WTF? outfit - she's safe, but again unsure as to where exactly she should sit on the couches. Carly's up next, and Ryan wisely takes the opportunity to have her clear up the pregnancy rumors. She's not preggers, and she's not in the b-3 either.
After the break we are subjected to one of the lamest Ford commercials ev-ah. After a LOOOOONG shot of an electric blue Ford Focus, the contestants individually appear Harry Potter style on shirts and CD covers, singing "I Want you to Want Me." It is reminiscent of the billboard video in season 5, but not nearly as good. My guess is that with Easter they didn't have time to do a "real" shoot.
Back to the results. Archie = SAFE. D-Cook = SAFE (oh and Chris Cornell called to say he loved it, BTW - take that haters!) Syesha = B-3 again, sorry. MJ = SAFE.
Time for the latest call-in segment, whereupon Ryan continues to ask Simon questions and ignore half of the contestants. First up is Sarah, who wants to know if Chikezie is single. I'm guessing she's one of the only people who cared to learn the answer, but yes, he is currently "very, very single." Nicole wants to know why Archie chose to sing a song most people had never heard. He already answered this question in the recap footage, but let's hear it again: He is in the minority in that he "loves that song" and it's one of his favorites. Ari wants to know how she can take Seacrest's job. Simon answers, "You don't need a lot of talent." Caitlin wants to know who Brooke would do a duet with. Brooke chooses John Mayer of all people. Vanessa from TX wants to know if Simon considers himself the most attractive person on the show. I think we all know the answer to that one.
Season 2 finalist Kimberley Locke is back to perform her new single "Fall" in a green couture dress which is now being auctioned off for charity and matching eyeshadow. In her lead-in video we learn that she now co-owns a restaurant and has lost 40 pounds. I didn't start watching AI faithfully until season 4, so I've only seen a handful of Kimberley's performances but I can tell you right now...sleepingbeauty is not impressed. Her song is pitchy, her performance stilted, and if she were being judged for real they would have called it "safe." Syesha performed better the night before, and I didn't even really enjoy her number.
Time for IGB plug number 485 out of 976, with multiple shout-outs to Exxon Mobile who is again one of the major sponsors of the event. Last year we raised $76 million (why does Seacrest pronounce "million" like Dr. Evil?) and even though we supposedly already spent $80 million on nets to prevent malaria, somehow there was still money left over to: help with the renovations in New Orleans, put 10,000 kids in Boys & Girls Club programs, provide 120 million meals to hungry people, fund three mobile medical units, provide 21,000 life-saving immunizations, provide books for 13,000 budding readers AND help provide shelter for the victims of the CA fires and TN tornadoes.
And now, your final results. Ramiele is SAFE and it's down to Kristy and Jason. As I predicted, Kristy's pandering to middle-America kept her b-3 free, and it is Castro who makes his maiden voyage to the b-3, but is quickly put out of his misery.
Syesha and Chikezie join hands center stage to learn their fate, and not surprisingly, it is Cheesy who gets the boot. I never truly "got" him but he's a nice guy and I wish him the best. We see his journey video and he reprises "If Only for One Night" complete with the audience-member serenade.
Tune in next week when the top 9 perform songs from the Dolly Parton songbook. That's right--the contestants will NOT be given the usual country theme, but will instead be limited to jingles from Dolly's repertoire. It's been confirmed. I would tell you what I think of this travesty, but there aren't enough hours in the day. After all, I've got to work 9 to 5 just to make a livin'....
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