Wannabe Divas, Dawgs & The Return of the Moth and the Melon Ball

80's night part duex brings much amusement--from Jackson going an ENTIRE performance episode without mentioning pitch (ironically after officially being put on "Pitch Patrol" for the first time ev-ah), much tawk of dawgs, dogs, doggs, and mutts, lots of highwaisted bottoms, and the most craziness we've seen from Paula Abdul since season 5. Oh yeah, and the top 8 girls sing Whitney and some other 80's stuff. As for their most embarrassing moments, the majority of the girls are claiming they haven't had any since gradeschool, and the stuff they fess up to is so lame I'm not going to bother detailing it (save for one).

Onto the performances in order of appearance:

A-Shorty is up first with "I Wanna Dance With Somebody" by, you guessed it, Whitney. Wearing a Madonna-esque hot pink top and some hideous highwaisted pants, Asia'h is back to her perky, bubbly self (and her own hair). She has fun with it, and for some reason I'm reminded of one of Paris Bennett's upbeat performances. Her voice sounds a little rough though, as if she is still sick. Simon calls her a "Second-rate Whitney" and Asia'h's okay with that. I am distracted by her "friend" in the audience who, in a matter of seconds, personifies every ghetto stereotype possible. I like Asia'h but I don't like it that she keeps choosing songs by divas. B+

Cross-Eyed Kady gets some time on the couch to talk about how she "really thought she was going home" last week. Thanks for clearing that up, AI. Kady chooses to sing Queen's "Who Wants to Live Forever" and it's obvious that she's trying to do Katharine's version. Her overambitious song choice makes me cringe, but she actually does much better with it than I expected despite not dressing the part or setting the mood the way Kat did. Still, the emotion behind the song is missing, and she can't hit all of the notes. B-

Overkill is up next looking normal (for her) with Joan Jett's "I Hate Myself for Lovin' You." The song is a good fit for her voice but it's kind of a weird arrangement and she doesn't make it through without some screaming. Her fiance--who looks like a hotter, skinnier Harry Connick, Jr.-- is there to support her. Simon loves it but Amanda looks embarrassed and ashamed to even be there. A-

Carly Controversy then takes the stage to perform Cyndi Lauper's "I Drove all Night" in some highwaisted jeans with brass buttons. I'm a little confused by the night's fashion, so I take a moment to consult my BFF Maya asking, "Highwaisted pants were not a trend in the 80's, right?" to which she brilliantly responds, "I don't think it was ever a trend. Except maybe for men in the revolutionary war. Or perhaps for horse riders." You see why I love this girl? Anyway, back to Carly. The song itself isn't that great and mostly consists of more controlled screaming but Carly's vocals are impressive. She also can't stop smiling when it's over and comes off as more likeable because of it. A-

Tomboy reveals that her most embarrassing moment was acting like a dog for the entire year she was seven complete with drinking out of a dog bowl, barking/growling at people and walking around on all fours. That's not a moment Kristy, that's a year's worth of disturbing behavior that you may never live down. I asked MY 7-year old daughter what she thinks of it and she said, "that's just plain creepy." Kristy tackles Journey's "Faithfully" and gives it a LeeAnn Rimes type spin while once again sporting a cherry red tongue. I don't know about you, but I'm thinking we don't need another LeeAnn Rimes, especially one as f'n weird as Kristy. B+

Rami Lullaby proves she still hasn't won over the wardrobe department (but they love her over in hair and makeup) and that she still has a good voice with Phil Collins' "Against All Odds." When Simon said he's "heard a lot of performances like that over the years" he wasn't kidding--this is the 6th rendition of AAO in seven seasons and could be the show's freakin' theme song. Rami's new BFF Danny Noriega sports her horrendous glasses, Ryan tries to goad her into talking about her ridiculous "photo scandal" (jerk), and Mommy Malubay just might be the most adorable contestant mother ever seen on the show (second only to Elliott's mama). A-

The Purist is up next with an acoustic version of Pat Benetar's "Love is a Battlefield." I am not surprised by the song choice, nor the more mellow delivery of the classic rock anthem, especially after learning that Benetar does a very similar unplugged version of this song. Brookie opts to dress like a country bumpkin and sit on the edge of the stage, which works...to a point. I keep wishing she'll go all Jenna Rink on us and bust into the upbeat version mid-way through to give us the best of both worlds, but she doesn't. Brooke then looks terrified during her critique which annoys me. A-

Smirkado closes the show with Whitney's "Saving all My Love for You" in a pair of highwaisted shorts leftover from the Haley Scarnat-ho days. The song includes the line "being last on your list" which pretty much sums up how I feel about her as a person. As a vocalist she's good (save for some pitch problems), but I still want to slap her. B+

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As far as who's out, I'm going with Kady and Asia'h, although I'd prefer to lose Kristy and Smirkado.