So FOX has a nasty habit of starting the broadcast a lil early in my area. It's been a consistent annoyance this season, and because I was watching the absolutely titillating preview for next week's America's Next Top Model, Ry had already announced the first mentor of the season by the time I switched channels. Fortunately I'm resourceful and can fill in the blanks...
Let's see, I'd wager that there was a little "This. is. American. Idol!" greeting, new credits and a quick hello to the judges before the mentor announcement. Joining us this season will be Dolly Parton (for the ever-present Country theme week), Mariah Carey (iTunes or Billboard top 100's? 90's week? Diva week?), Andrew Lloyd Weber (Showtunes) and Neil Diamond (Songs No One but His Fans Wants to Hear Week). AOL Television previously reported that Jewel, Olivia Newton-John and Carol Bayer Sager would be appearing instead. Humm....curious.
AI Songwriting Competition is on! Make sure you get your entries in my March 25th--This is YOUR now!
Time for another crappy Beatles medley. Guess who gets to kick things off? Pimpchuleta, singing "While My Guitar Gently Weeps." Cook (the one that matters) and Castro then get to duet and it's the highlight of the medley for me for it. Chikezie and Mikey join in and MJ's voice actually sounds powerful when following the Cheez. Girls come out with a little "Here, There and Everywhere" and they all get to sing and prance around the stage except for Amanda, who is sitting on the couches as though she's been forgotten (foreshadowing, anyone?) Oh yeah, and Ramiele's mic doesn't work. I then throw up in my mouth a little when D-Cook (being the gentleman that he is) leads K-Cook by the hand for a little Cook squared action. Then the top 11 form a half-circle to sing "Because" and do the Idol shuffle for "The End." What these medley's need: better choreographers, more rehearsal time, and lots of booze (for those us watching at home).
Then we are tortured again with the recap of the "second dose of the Beatles" (anyone else feel close to OD'ing? Perhaps on purpose to end the agony?) Time to find out who gets to sit on the nice comfy safe couches (aka who is going on the Idols Live! tour this summer), and who will be banished to the other side of the stage and have to sit in the b-3 stools until their butt goes numb. Brooke is the first person to make the top 10 (for those of you with short-term memory: Brooke was also the first female to make the top 12). Carly's up next and...she's NOT sent to join Brooke on the couch (there's your shocker people, it doesn't get much better than this). Archie makes the top 10 (collective "duh!") and so does the Aussie, because he's hot.
After the break, we get to see the behind-the-scenes footage of this week's Ford video, where the contestants were sent to the "middle of nowhere" on a windy day to shoot a video within a video. The top 11 are depicted as making their own black and white flying saucer movie from the 50's, with D-Cook as director, Castro and Archie as stagehands, and the rest as actors with bad hair. The actual commercial (done to the tune of "Should I Stay or Should I Go") isn't as good what precedes it IMO.
Back to the results, in which each contestant is trotted out one by one like show ponies. Cook with Talent: Keep on rockin'. Cook Without: B-3. Castro: In like Flynn. Lullaby: No reason to cry.
Time to answer more viewer questions (or rather, roll-tape of previously recorded footage--which explains the new seating arrangements on the couch for this and the performance that follows). Cheryl Ann from MO wants to know why Simon spends all of his money on cars instead of clothes. Si tells her that's a rude question but that it's because he doesn't have an ego. Jessica from Jersey is dying to know if there will be a sequel to the Simon-Paula liplock shot back in season two. Paula isn't really given the chance to answer, but Simon says yes, he'd consider it, because despite it all, Pauler's actually not half bad. Mary from L.A. asks Rami what the last song she downloaded on her iPod was. Rami giggles and answers, "R. Kelly's 'I'm a Flirt'." Linda, also from L.A. wants to know if Michael's AI experience is everything he hoped for and more. The answer: "Yes, even though I apparently peaked during Hollywood week" (proof that he reads the press about him, LOL).
And, now, a performance by season 5's Kellie Pickler who has "grown in so many ways" (cheap shot, Ry). We see footage of Pickles talking about her USO tour, upcoming sophomore album, working with Rascal Flatts, and of course memorable moments from her time on AI. As it turns out, Pickles is the second highest grossing non-winner or runner up in the history of AI--who knew? Singing her first single "Red High Heels" and dressed to match, Kellie worked the stage, exuded confidence and fully embraced her country twang (with some KLC Crazy Eyes thrown in for good measure). I can't say I actually enjoyed it, but it was preferable to watching this year's blonde country bimbo. It seems our dear Pickles is all growed up.
Idol Gives Back Part Duex is April 9th. Fantasia and Elliott were sent to Angola to deliver bed nets to prevent Malaria, from which 3,000 children die every day. I'm all for this, but either AI's numbers were a little off or I'm worse at math than I think. They said we donated eight million nets last year, which at $10 a pop would be $80 million, however IGB only raised $76 million and some of that was supposed to go towards anti-Malaria pills, after-school programs in the slums, and to help those Appalachian kids who can't read good. Elliott is given the honor of having a newborn baby named after him, as is native custom for babies born when visitors are in their village.
Final results: Syesha - SAFE. Amanda and Chikezie center stage, Token Black Guy to the couch. B-3 huddle together, Irish girl sent back to safety (no one is surprised, but she pretends to be). Either the Rocker Nurse or the Country Fembot is going home. Unfortunately, it's...
...our Harley-ridin', black eyeliner-wearin' rocker chick who is bid adieu--an announcement which actually results in violence from a 7-year old in my living room. Seriously. I had prepared to part ways with Amanda, but like many viewers, I was more disappointed that KLC was safe than anything.
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Tune in next week, when the top 10 take on Songs from the Year of their Birth.
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