The results are in, America. Is your favorite out? :::Cue music:::
After almost 31 million votes (up three million from last week), it's time to find out who didn't make the cut.
But first, say "hi" to the judges - The Dawg's in a paisley shirt, Paula's sporting a Ramiele-esque 'do and a see-through top, and predictably, Simon Scowl is in basic black. Seacrest takes a minute to address something we've all been wondering these past couple weeks - what's with Simon's new half-moose hand gesture? Simon says it's a secret code and basically he'll tell Ryan later...in the bedroom.
Time for the second sucky group song of the season - a medley of 70's hits which include "I Saw the Light," "Heartache," "The Things We do for Love" and "I Feel the Earth Move." Observations made during the group song are as follows:
-Michael looks hot but doesn't sound it
-David C. is wearing a tux print t-shirt like the one Blake wore last year, only it's even more fugly and faded (my great-uncle has one of these, and he's in his 80's)
-J-Cast should not ever wear a vest again (in fact, he shouldn't wear a shirt period)
-Not surprisingly, it's Archuleta who gets the biggest solo
-Kristy actually sounded good this time
-Amanda sucks on this one
-Ramiele (wearing high-waisted jeans) and Asia'h (minus the fake hair) make a Chikezie sandwich ("the McCheesy"?)
-Carrico's headkerchief is back (wonder why...tee hee)
-David H. (gay) and Alaina (jailbait) make for an unlikely duet couple
After the break, it's time to roll the recap tape from guy's night and get to the first cut. Back row is asked to stand and dismissed in this order: Michael - SAFE, Chikezie - SAFE, Castro - Fake-out that made my heart skip a beat, then SAFE. Yeager and Noriega - one of you is SAFE, the other is going home. Drumroll please...Jason, you're out please come to the center of the stage and don't forget to bring your dignity with you. After a boring speech from the Yeagermeister and Simon, Jason gives a very Six Flags performance of "Long Train Runnin' (Without Love)" again, and again, it is not worth watching. Ryan tries to get us to study the front row where the next guy to be ejected should be, but they've all crowded around Yeager to say their "see ya laters" so it's no use.
Next we crush the hopes and dreams of a young lady. After rolling the tape, Seacrest follows the same format: Back row up, Kristy - SAFE, Asia'h - SAFE, Brooke - SAFE, Cruella and Lushington - it's down to you. Alexandrea gets the axe and decides to shoot the messenger - she physically shrugs Ryan's arm off of her and calls him a freak. Oh-kay. Archuleta cries because he's known her since their Star Search days and in an interesting twist it's SHE who comforts HIM. But not until after she's bored us with "If You Leave Me Now" again, which is example #162 of a song that foreshadowed a contestant's departure.
Then it's time to lose another girl, this time from the front row. Carly - SAFE, Ramiele - SAFE, Syesha - SAFE. Two interchangeable blondes that remain, please step forward. We're all geared up to say goodbye to Kady Spears when it's Alaina Underwood that gets the boot! (The foreshadowing for this appeared in the video recap when Simon's "dark horse" comment was re-played - Idol editors love it when Simon's wrong.) Alaina shrieks "I CAN'T SING!" in horror and Ry gives her some time to pull it together by deferring to Paula for comment. Noriega cries. Despite worrying that she's "going to sound horrible," the crowd convinces Alaina to sing and the girls crowd around for support. It's shaky at first but in the end Carrie Jr. ends up sounding more composed than when the real Carrie sang her victory song.
Ryan teases us with the promise of "very important Idol news" which can mean anything from "we're cancelling the rest of the season and crowning Archuleta right now" to "the sex tape of Simon and I has just been leaked." It ends up being a slew of things--the top 12 will have a new set, new graphics and new exit song by Ruben, along with the chance to butcher Beatles songs. Also, they're going to start plugging IGB II now, as if the first installment wasn't hyped enough. Appearing at this years event will be Brad Pitt, Hannah Montana, Reece Witherspoon, Snoop Dogg, Daughtry, Mariah and Carrie Underwood. We are then forced to sit through ANOTHER commercial break which means we endured the last one only for a promo within the show. Sigh.
Time to make the final cut of the night. The front row of guys is asked to stand and predictably, it's Luke and Robbie who are called out with a goodbye to the fake rocker. The other Fallen Idols are trotted out to to watch their Idol Journey video, and Robbie reprises "Hot Blooded." Carly cries, and Jessi of So You Think You Can Dance is spotted in the red room clapping for Robbie who apparently used to be her dance partner. Also, for someone who claims he can't dance, David Hernandez sure does a lot of it.
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I am officially 5 and 8 on the predictions. How'd you rate?
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