Totally 80's Song Suggestions

Next week the Top 16 will perform hits from the 80's. We've been hearing that the contestants are limited to a list of 50 songs to choose from, so I'm basing my recommendations on iTune's 80's pop #1's, 80's hits (with a strong emphasis on the top 50) and 80's ladies.

First off, let's highlight a few songs NO one should do:

-Any Cyndi Lauper, but especially "Time After Time" - it did not go over so well with the last two Idols who attempted it.

-"Maniac" - after the side-splitting Kia commercial with the dancing car salesman, this song can never again be taken seriously.

-"Celebration" - unless they want Mr. Happy to call them a "ghastly wedding singer"

-"I Love Rock 'n Roll" - How many times did we hear this during auditions?

-"Against All Odds" - officially the most oversung number on Idol at 5 times in 6+ seasons. 10 bucks says Archuleta does it.

Here's what I recommend instead:

Aussie: It's too bad only the title of "Down Under" is really fitting for Michael. I'm suggesting either "Free Fallin'" or "Gimme All Your Lovin'" but I'm not totally satisfied with either.

J-Cast: If you want to play it safe, I second IdolJenn's previous suggestion of UB40's "Red, Red Wine." If you want to take a walk on the wild side and change things up: "Jessie's Girl." (Either way, ignore Paula and keep the guitar.)

Rocker Cook: I'd kinda like to see his take on "Jenny (8675-309)," but it's probably safer to go with Journey's "Anyway You Want it" if only for bonus points from Jackson. Please, no G&R.

Noriega: I think Danny could turn out a fabulous version of "Oh Sheila," "I'm Comin' Out" and anything by Cher, but what I really want to hear is Boy George's "Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?" Wedding Singer style.

Pretty Boy with the High Voice: It's "Eye of the Tiger" for Luke, and the mute button for me.

Gollygeewillikers Boy: I'm going to suggest "Only Love," but does it really matter what Archuleta sings at this point?

The Token Black Guy: MJ's "Rock With You" but only if you put your soul innit.

Rudy Hernandez: If Chikezie don't do MJ, then you can. Otherwise it's "Just Got Paid" 'N SYNC style.

The Irish Chick: "Total Eclipse of the Heart" - this is the song that landed Jessica Sierra in the top 12 in season 4, and even though she's a hot mess now, it was an awesome performance and is well suited to Carly's voice.

The Nanny: Please, no Stevie Nicks. How about either "Back on the Chain Gang" or (even though it couldn't touch the Jessica Simpson version) "Take My Breath Away" instead?

Krazee Eyez: I'm suggesting Belinda Carlisle's "Heaven is a Place on Earth" for Kristy.

Cruella: Either "Addicted to Love" or "Hit Me with Your Best Shot," although I do think she could also do a mean version of "Dancin' with Myself."

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow: What are the odds that Asia'h doesn't attempt a diva song? I hope she resists the urge to sing Whitney or Tina and instead sings "Love is a Battlefield."

Kady Spears: "I Think We're Alone Now" or "Straight Up" but she should do them as Britney.

Smirkado: If Asia'h doesn't sing a diva song then Syesha probably will, but I say she try "Funkytown" instead.

Lullaby: Nevermind the nickname, you've got one of the best voices left in the competition. Showcase it on either Bette Midler's "The Rose" or Sinead's "Nothing Compares 2 U."

More Tears as Four More are Sent Home

The results are in, America. Is your favorite out? :::Cue music:::

After almost 31 million votes (up three million from last week), it's time to find out who didn't make the cut.

But first, say "hi" to the judges - The Dawg's in a paisley shirt, Paula's sporting a Ramiele-esque 'do and a see-through top, and predictably, Simon Scowl is in basic black. Seacrest takes a minute to address something we've all been wondering these past couple weeks - what's with Simon's new half-moose hand gesture? Simon says it's a secret code and basically he'll tell Ryan later...in the bedroom.

Time for the second sucky group song of the season - a medley of 70's hits which include "I Saw the Light," "Heartache," "The Things We do for Love" and "I Feel the Earth Move." Observations made during the group song are as follows:

-Michael looks hot but doesn't sound it

-David C. is wearing a tux print t-shirt like the one Blake wore last year, only it's even more fugly and faded (my great-uncle has one of these, and he's in his 80's)

-J-Cast should not ever wear a vest again (in fact, he shouldn't wear a shirt period)

-Not surprisingly, it's Archuleta who gets the biggest solo

-Kristy actually sounded good this time

-Amanda sucks on this one

-Ramiele (wearing high-waisted jeans) and Asia'h (minus the fake hair) make a Chikezie sandwich ("the McCheesy"?)

-Carrico's headkerchief is back (wonder why...tee hee)

-David H. (gay) and Alaina (jailbait) make for an unlikely duet couple

After the break, it's time to roll the recap tape from guy's night and get to the first cut. Back row is asked to stand and dismissed in this order: Michael - SAFE, Chikezie - SAFE, Castro - Fake-out that made my heart skip a beat, then SAFE. Yeager and Noriega - one of you is SAFE, the other is going home. Drumroll please...Jason, you're out please come to the center of the stage and don't forget to bring your dignity with you. After a boring speech from the Yeagermeister and Simon, Jason gives a very Six Flags performance of "Long Train Runnin' (Without Love)" again, and again, it is not worth watching. Ryan tries to get us to study the front row where the next guy to be ejected should be, but they've all crowded around Yeager to say their "see ya laters" so it's no use.

Next we crush the hopes and dreams of a young lady. After rolling the tape, Seacrest follows the same format: Back row up, Kristy - SAFE, Asia'h - SAFE, Brooke - SAFE, Cruella and Lushington - it's down to you. Alexandrea gets the axe and decides to shoot the messenger - she physically shrugs Ryan's arm off of her and calls him a freak. Oh-kay. Archuleta cries because he's known her since their Star Search days and in an interesting twist it's SHE who comforts HIM. But not until after she's bored us with "If You Leave Me Now" again, which is example #162 of a song that foreshadowed a contestant's departure.

Then it's time to lose another girl, this time from the front row. Carly - SAFE, Ramiele - SAFE, Syesha - SAFE. Two interchangeable blondes that remain, please step forward. We're all geared up to say goodbye to Kady Spears when it's Alaina Underwood that gets the boot! (The foreshadowing for this appeared in the video recap when Simon's "dark horse" comment was re-played - Idol editors love it when Simon's wrong.) Alaina shrieks "I CAN'T SING!" in horror and Ry gives her some time to pull it together by deferring to Paula for comment. Noriega cries. Despite worrying that she's "going to sound horrible," the crowd convinces Alaina to sing and the girls crowd around for support. It's shaky at first but in the end Carrie Jr. ends up sounding more composed than when the real Carrie sang her victory song.

Ryan teases us with the promise of "very important Idol news" which can mean anything from "we're cancelling the rest of the season and crowning Archuleta right now" to "the sex tape of Simon and I has just been leaked." It ends up being a slew of things--the top 12 will have a new set, new graphics and new exit song by Ruben, along with the chance to butcher Beatles songs. Also, they're going to start plugging IGB II now, as if the first installment wasn't hyped enough. Appearing at this years event will be Brad Pitt, Hannah Montana, Reece Witherspoon, Snoop Dogg, Daughtry, Mariah and Carrie Underwood. We are then forced to sit through ANOTHER commercial break which means we endured the last one only for a promo within the show. Sigh.

Time to make the final cut of the night. The front row of guys is asked to stand and predictably, it's Luke and Robbie who are called out with a goodbye to the fake rocker. The other Fallen Idols are trotted out to to watch their Idol Journey video, and Robbie reprises "Hot Blooded." Carly cries, and Jessi of So You Think You Can Dance is spotted in the red room clapping for Robbie who apparently used to be her dance partner. Also, for someone who claims he can't dance, David Hernandez sure does a lot of it.

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I am officially 5 and 8 on the predictions. How'd you rate?

Latest AI Gossip

-Season 5 contestant Ace Young releases a clip of his upcoming single and a video update on his MySpace page. Verdict: He's still trying to sound like JC Chasez and sucking at it.

-Amanda Overmyer's DUI (is it just me, or does she look an awful lot like Pickles with a wig in her mug shot?)

-Top 12 to perform Beatles Hits

-There is also a juicy rumor that Jason Yeager's son Nathan was conceived when Jason was 18 and Nathan's mom was 14, but no real article to back it up.

Ladies Night, Feelin' Right, Soundin'...Wrong

Despite feeling better this week, all but two of the top 10 girls performed worse. Let's see how it all went down:

Controversial Carly is up first, and if co-owning a tattoo parlor isn't bad enough for her Americana image, she also reveals that she works at an Irish pub (but we already knew she could "pour a perfect pint"). Ah, the American dream...and just the type of person every parent wants their kid to look up to. Carly then tries to play Suzie Homemaker, but it's too late - we've seen her husband. Dressed in all black save for a brown belt (fashion faux pas #1 of the evening--#2 if you count Ryan's buttoned up shirt tucked into pants), Carly sings her "most favorite song ever" - "Crazy on You" by Heart and it's much better than when she sang "Alone" during H-wood week. Girl's got one heck of a bouncy rack and her hair and makeup look great, but she makes Kristy Lee Cook Crazy Eyes at us and the middle of the song can best be described as controlled screaming. She's literally panting at the end of her half-song, and the judges (thankfully) call her on it. Song was more fitting for me for her, but not show-stoppingly memorable. A

Syesha Smirkado highlights her days as a bad commercial actress hawking Ford (conveniently an official AI sponsor) and KFC (evil empire - do NOT eat there). Oh, and she can also do a wicked baby cry. Syesha dresses the part of 70's disco diva and changes the lyrics of "Me and Mrs. Jones" to be gender-appropriate (although I'm starting to wonder if she plays for the other team). The performance is pretty uninspiring and she basically coasts through the song until the big goat-vibrato finish. The whole thing leaves me feeling a little icky, but she was definitely not the worst. C+

Anorexic Barbie is a beauty school dropout who cuts her husband's hair. Riveting! Brooke chooses to sing (who else) Carly Simon, and turns out a pretty decent version of "You're So Vain" that's unofficially dedicated to our own Simon. She becomes the first female contestant to ever perform an instrument during competition, although she doesn't play for an entire verse. I liked her throwback 70's outfit, and props to the hair & makeup department, but I still find her voice reedy and her lower register (dare I say?) yucky. However, I think my 7-year old daughter wants Brooke to be her nanny as she had nothing but praise for the girl. A--

Waterworks Malubay gets time on the couch with Ry, and talks about those crocodile tears we saw at last week's results show. Then in her lead-in video we find that she has something in common with Sanjaya--they both like to hula dance. Ramiele again dresses like she's on her way to study group instead of performing in front of America (with the same damn belt even) and sings Thelma Houston's "Don't Leave Me This Way." Even a bad karaoke song can't disguise the fact that Ramiele has an amazing voice, but the judges advise her to forget about her pending nickname (Lullaby instead of Malubay) and stick with singer's songs. I advise her to get some wardrobe help, stat. B+

Kristy Lee Crazy Eyes wants America to know that she's a tomboy who still can't walk in heels (as if the work boots didn't tip us off). She opts to sing Linda Rohnstadt's "You're No Good" despite the fact that it's a perfect set-up. She tries to be soulful but it's altogether boring and monotonous, save for the constipated dancing squats she throws in. Kristy's hideous outfit reminds me of the costumes I had to wear when playing an alien-obsessed chick who wanted to be abducted (only mine were better). Kristy also makes the mistake of eating a cherry icee before the show and sporting red-tipped acrylics (ew). Resident hotties Michael Johns and Jason Castro are spotted trading secrets during the performance. B-

Amanda Hairmyer opens up about being a bookworm and her quest for knowledge (you go girl!) Then, in a 'do not rivaled since the ponyhawk, Amanda emerges with hair that's a cross between Cruella DeVil and Peggy Bundy, along with matching pants. Perhaps it would have been more appropriate had she sang the "stop and stare," song, but instead she chose "Wayward Son" by Kansas. Unlike Smirkado, Amanda didn't change the pronouns and basically sang about being a man. Despite some wicked dance moves during the interlude, this was a crash-and-burn performance that turned her into Vote for the Worst's new poster child. D

Then, on the opposite end of the spectrum, we have Alaina Underwood, who has OCD when it comes to her food not touching each other. Come on Alaina, I'm sure you've got something more interesting than THAT - your OCD video wasn't even snarkingly interesting the way Melinda Doolittle's was (remember "If I touch something cold with one hand...") Jr. Underwood then sings one of the sappiest songs of all time, Olivia Newton John's "Hopelessly Devoted to You" and I can almost feel myself getting a cavity. She's shrieky on the high notes, Simon calls it a pageant-performance (pretty much), and she should have saved the electric blue dress for next week's 80's night (although the shoes were just wrong no matter what the theme: never listen to a black man in cowboy boots). C

Alexandrea Underdog reminisces about her time as the poster child for her dad's fire department (didn't know they had those) and the time she sang at Ground Zero. She then butchers Chicago's "If You Leave Me Now" in a hip hop outfit paired with ankle boots (WTF?) and a necklace in the shape of the HP logo. She looks uncomfortable and the whole thing is wack. D

Kady Spears has a hidden talent that can actually be called relevant and interesting--she can sing opera well. Unfortunately, that's the only thing she does well this week as her performance of Heart's "Magic Man" leaves something to be desired. The low throbbing beat of the song seems to spell impending doom, and Kady's blouse was missing a bedazzled rock. D+

Asia'h Pepperson surprises no one when she reveals that she used to be a cheerleader, and no one seems to notice that she grew six inches of hair in a week. Seriously, the extensions and the secretary outfit did nothing but try to extinguish her peppy image, and if she keeps wearing ginormous earrings she's going to develop saggy earlobes. Asia'h takes on Celine's "All by Myself" and gets a standing O from the guys, but IMO nothing beats the Bridget Jones lipsynching version. B

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I'm predicting Alexandrea and Kady will get the axe tonight, however I wouldn't be surprised if Kristy Lee and/or Amanda found themselves on the chopping block instead. Thoughts?

Robbie's Hair-Don't

We knew something was off with Robbie Carrico's coif...

"Idol" Contestant Wigs Out

(I feel like I'm ganging up on the guy all of the sudden, but the hits keep comin'...)

Hot & Not: Boys (Kinda) Rock the 70's

Guys, round two. Theme: The 70's (Bet you'll never guess what theme they're doing next week...) As with round one, there were only a few standout performances for the guys.

Michael Johns is up first (per Idol tradition the week after closing) with a very lukewarm rendition of Fleetwood Mac's "Go Your Own Way." He cups the mic and does a little of the C-Rich bouncy-bounce, but at least this time there is significantly less "hallelujah!" hand-raising. I thought the chorus suited his voice, but the rest of the song was almost unrecognizable. I think MJ would have benefited from being behind the guitar on this one, and it was definitely his worst performance to date. His "something-America-would-be-surprised-to-learn-about-me" video revelation is no news to the Aussie Posse: dude looks smashing in a pair of tennis shorts. C

Jason Castro admits his dislike for doing interviews in his getting-to-know-you video which will either be considered cute or annoying. I'm with the former, but I'm also a biased fan (who nevertheless can't bring herself to go by Castronaut or Dreadhead--two of the worst fanbase names ev-ah). JC sings Andy Gibb's "I Just Want to be Your Everything" while once again strumming (his own) guitar. There is nothing earth-shattering about this performance, but a playback reveals that there is also nothing really wrong with it either. I think he needs to go with a more dynamic song next week, but as for the guitar--that's just his thing, and I don't think he should be criticized for staying true to himself. B+

After announcing that he traveled around the world for six years with his a capella group Chapter 6, Luke Menard takes a huge risk with "Killer Queen" and (not surprisingly) fails to live up to the vocal god that was Freddie Mercury. I absolutely hate the tone of this guy's voice and the song was a pitchy, uneven train-wreck. Still, an improvement from last week, if only because it was "a ballsy" (even if Luke's sound as though they were in a vice). D

Robbie "I'm a Rocker, Damnit!" Carrico chats with Ryan about how there are "different levels of rock." While I agree with this statement, I also think that the term "rocker" doesn't apply to all of them, including Robbie's particular brand. His lead-in video shows him drag racing a car with one headlight (LOL), and then he takes the stage to rock (j/k!) Foreigner's "Hot Blooded" sans headkerchief. Though he spins the mic stand as all Idol "rockers" are wan to do and he wears the requisite wallet chain, the signature pop gestures he makes throughout the performance give him away. His spark from last week is gone, the vocal leaves something to be desired and he's got a serious case of bedhead. C-

Worster Danny Noriega dips into his lower register and stays there for most of The Carpenter's "Superstar" while looking more Jessica Alba than ever. I get that he's trying to prove he can sing to those who criticized his goofy Elvis impersonation last week, but this failed to hit the mark. Oh, and he mentioned he was in a punk rock band that only played one show. C-

David Hernandez opens up about his time as a gay stripper in his tell-all video. Actually he keeps that one to himself and instead educates us on his history as a gymnast (me too!) and the joys of wearing a leotard, which further backs the above claim on his sexual orientation. He then defies his pattern of annoying song choices with a smokin' hot rendition of "Papa was a Rollin' Stone" in a blazer with a built-in hoodie. Aside from some over-the-top gestures/moves, I loved this to the point where I may just have to plunk down 99 cents for the iTunes track (which would be a first for me, for it). A

In addition to singing poorly and looking like Val Kilmer, Jason Yeager also plays guitar, piano and drums. He gives another shout-out to his granny before taking the stage to give a showboat performance of the Dooby Brothers' "Long Train Runnin' (Without Love)." Can we just send him home now? D-

Chikezie schools us on the roots, the meaning, and the correct pronunciation of his Nigerian name but has yet to re-claim the Eze. He then follows in Elliott Yamin's footsteps with both his choice of Donny Hathaway's "I Believe to my Soul" and nod of recognition to Hathaway's daughter Kenya, who is one of the backup singers. His vocals are on-point and the delivery miles better than last week, but as my BFF Maya points out, "he's always dressed for the wrong decade"--this time opting for an 80's themed outfit complete with funky hot pink wristbands. Still, his latest stab at Simon's revolving wardrobe made me laugh. A

David Cook is a self-proclaimed "Word Nerd"--a revelation Simon thinks will hurt him, however I find the opposite to be true. David just became more interesting in my book by defying the stereotype that surrounds him. He turns out a solid performance of "All Right Now" and shows that he really knows how to work the crowd. My only advice is to lose the facial fur and work on further improving his look, because he's otherwise on the right track. A

David Archuleta proves that he's a power vocalist during sharing time with the video of him singing "And I'm Telling You" for Kelly Clarkson which many of us have already seen on YOUtube. He then proves it again with a chillingly solid performance of John Lennon's "Imagine," which like all of the other songs David's done on AI, he previously sang on Star Search. The arrangement is completely different than the original (and inferior in my opinion) and David chooses to sing the lesser known third verse because it's his favorite. Also, it is painfully obvious (and annoying) that the producers are trying to create Beatlemania for David with his legion of cheering fans and choice of a Lennon song. Paula cries and expresses the desire to decapitate the poor kid whose looking very Clay Aiken in his choice of jacket. A

* * *

And that's it for part 1 of 70's week. I'd bank on Yeager and either Menard or Carrico being cut this week.

Spoilers - Top 10 Girls - Song Choices

Because the performance shows are pre-taped until we get to the top 12, some spoilers for Wednesday night's show have leaked. I'm listing the top 10 girl's song choice and performance order spoilers in the comments section of this post, so that those who want to take a peek can without ruining the surprise for those who wish to wait.

For pictures (and to find out who plays an instrument and who is sporting a new look) click here.

C-Rich's First Single "All Alone"

Here's a preview of season 6 contestant Chris Richardson's first single, "All Alone." As expected, it's very Justin Timberlake. This is one of those songs that's just okay at first and then grows on you.

Season 7 Idol Contestant Outed by VFTW

In a season filled with so many obvious Proud Mary's, it's interesting to find that one contestant who managed to fly beneath many viewer's gaydar, has actually been outed in a pretty big way.

Click for the full story

The First Cut is the...Easiest

As the camera pans across our Top 24 at the start of the first Elimination show of the season, it's apparent that there's a definite theme going on: All of the guys are dressed in suits and the girls are in black and white 60's garb. After the intro, Ryan announces that they received about 28 million votes, which isn't much considering that it was divided among 24 contestants, and further bucks the claim that this is the "BEST. SEASON. EVER!"

After a video depicting the top 24's paparazzi-style photoshoot to the tune of Daughtry's "What About Now?" the contestants perform a medley of songs from the 60's. First up are the guys with a little "Needles and Pins" and "Everytime You Walk in the Room." They finish the latter just as, well, the girls walk in the room (didn't see that one coming!) Girls sing "Spanish Harlem," Birthday girl Alaina Whitaker gets a one-line solo (and one of the ugliest outfits), and one of the girls (not sure who) messes up at the end of the song. Then things get very Hairspray as the collective lot perform "Bend Me, Shake Me" with two of the three "rockers" getting to shout about "the power." It ends of course, with a big cheesy jazz-hands finish. :::jazz hands:::

At elimination time, the guys sweat it out the stage while the girls sit in the area formerly known as The Dawg Pound (whatever happened to that, anyway?) Ryan says they're just going to have a little chat and pretends to choose one of the guys at random. Garrett Haley is called to the center of the stage and is told in the most rapid-fire manner in recent memory, "it's-over-you-suck-good-bye-now-sing." HARSH! Poor Garrett doesn't know what hit him. He reprises "Breaking up is Hard to Do" from Tuesday night and it is oh-so apropos as essentially, America is breaking up with him. I was somewhat surprised to see Garrett cut first, as I expected America to get behind him when Simon gave him the worst tongue-lashing of the night. Also, there were at least four guys who sang far worse than he did. My advice to Garrett is to work on his craft and to look into doing character voice-overs, because he'd be mad good at it.

The contestants play musical chairs during the commercial break, as it's now the girl's turn to face the axe. Kristy is called out and nervously makes her way center stage but everyone sitting at home knows it can't be that easy, after all, we still have approximately 40 minutes to kill. She is deemed SAFE, and as expected, it's Amy Davis who's being sent home. Poor girl is shaking like a leaf as she again sings "Where the Boys Are," only this time it sounds worse. I am reminded of Becky O'Donahue, who had the same fate both on Idol and in Maxim magazine. No advice needed, as I'm sure we'll be seeing more of Amy...in the centerfolds.

Before the break, Seacrest teases (warns) us that "when we return, we'll see Paula shake what Mama Abdul gave her." Paula looks surprised at this announcement, which can only mean one thing...it's a video, not a live performance. (Of course it's a video, can you imagine the field day Simon would have if it weren't? I think Paula would be the next person sent home.) At 47, Ms. Abdul is older than my mom who has been a grandma for seven years. But that didn't stop Paula from recording a dance track called "Dance Like There's No Tomorrow" that isn't even good enough to be on Britney's album (and is a bona fide earworm, much to my chagrin). Like Britney, there is very minimal dancing by the artist and a lot by the "back up" dancers. I will say this much--I was a fan of Paula in the 90's and she looked d*mn hot in that black lace cougar dress. After the video ends Seacrest approaches the judges table with an electric fan to recreate Paula's windblown look depicted in the video.

Rocker Nurse and Joanne face the firing squad and it's last hired, second fired, as Joanne is given her walking papers. I wouldn't have minded giving the plus-sized beauty another chance if she hadn't made my ears bleed the night before. She sings "Say A Little Prayer" and (thank God) this time it's much better--too bad they made her wear a mumu. My advice to big J is to see if she can mainstream her plus-sized creations, and of course....never give up on your dreams.

After the break, the boys are once again in the hotseat and it's Chikeze and Colton that are summoned by The Metrosexual One to learn their fate. I was glad to see Chikeze there after his cheeseball performance, but surprised about Colton if only because I was convinced it would be either Luke Menard or Jason Yeager. Unfortunately, it's Chikeze who's sent back to safety. The rest of the fallen Idols are called back to the stage to watch their Idol Journey Video, which features Garrett giving mommy a kiss on the lips (whoa!) and Colton being a lot more OUT than he was ever shown being on the show. C-Train revives "Suspicious Minds" which can now officially be deemed one of the kiss of death songs, future Idol hopefuls be warned. My advice to Colton is to follow in the footsteps of Anthony Federov and pursue a career on the stage.

Lots of tears are shed by several of the remaining 20, but among those who remain smug are Michael Johns, who is twice shown having to tear himself away from mugging the camera Maroulis-style. (Tone it down, dude.)

* * *

Tune in Tuesday, when the remaining 10 guys will perform whatever crappy theme they are given.

Robbie's Questionable Rocker Cred

For those of you who wondered why Simon would question Robbie Carrico's rocker cred, here's an old newspaper clipping that explains it all.

Like I said before: Real rockers don't sing Bryan Adams.

At Least They Didn't Perform with Face Masks and Blankets...

At the start of Wednesday's Top 12 Girl's Night, Ryan announced that many of the girls had fallen ill but that the show must go on. He also mentioned that rehearsals had been full of face masks and blankets - what fun that must have been for a germaphobe like Ryan.

One thing they didn't mention was that the much-talked about Carly Smithson had been MIA from the Boy's Night audience. While several of the other girls were rumored to have gone in and out of the show due to coughing fits, Carly didn't even have a chair. Whether this was due fully to illness or in part because the truth about her former recording past had broke (or rather gone more public than before) that day remains unseen.

But all of the girls managed to pull it together for their minute twenty on the small Idol stage to perform a 60's song. Here are my reviews in order of appearance:

Kristy Lee Cook was up first singing the well-known "Rescue Me" dressed in ripped jeans and a sparkly tank (I was just glad to see she'd ditched the faded tee's and d*mn work boots). While this song is about desperation, our skinnier Kate Bosworth clone sang it like she was waiting for the bus. Though her voice was pretty, there was no punch, no charisma, and Simon called her robotic (however, the same was once said about now-superstar Carrie Underwood). Kristy sited bronchitis as the cause of her flat performance, but we all know that in cases like these you've got to fake it to make it. The best part of this performance was when fellow Cook David was seen slumped in his chair with his arms folded while the other guys clapped along to the beat. C-

Plus-size model Joanne Borgella was up next with what I'm calling worst performance of the night. She chose "Say A Little Prayer" and will have to do the same tonight as I believe she will be in danger of being voted off. I liked Joanne before this, but she didn't work the stage the way she needed to and her voice was shrieky and reminiscent of a helium balloon. And while I'm sure more thought went into her outfit than any other, I wasn't quite feelin' it. D-

Birthday girl and Carrie clone Alaina Whitaker then took the stage to sing "More Today Than Yesterday," the same song Chikeze No More Eze performed the night before (her rendition was much better). What I didn't like was the questionable fashion sense and the fact that her country twang was MIA. The twang heard in her audition was 90% of her charm, and I recommend she bring it back, stat. B

Resident Rocker Chick Amanda Overmyer opted not to cover Joplin again, and instead sang gibberish. I literally could not understand 70% of "Please Don't Go" and that's not including the scatting. For me, this performance was a huge disappointment, as I'm a fan. Her energy and bad*ss patchwork jeans were the best part. But, as her family said, if a semi truck can't take her down, nothing can (at least not yet). B-

Dressed like she was going clubbing, Amy Davis was up next with Patsy Cline's "Where the Boys Are." Though she looked better than she has and there was a tenderness in her voice, I do not believe it was enough to save her from elimination. B

Straight-edge nanny Brooke White choose to perform "Happy Together" as David C. had done the night before. Her look was more vampy than I was expecting (especially after the "I'm a good girl" lead-in), but that's not saying much since vampy for Brooke is casual for say, Carmen Electra. Brooke sounded pretty good but I was distracted by her awkward stomping (dancing?) and unexpected hair-grabs. The big finish of "Ba-ba-ba-ba-bop-ba-ba-ba-bop-ba-ba-bah-bop-bah-baaaah!" reminded me of when I once did karaoke to "John's Diner" and was mortified when the screen prompted me to actually sing "Duh-dut-duh-duh-dut-duh-duh-da, dut-duh-da-dut-da-dah-da" (I didn't). B+

Though she was dressed for 90's night instead of 60's, Alexandrea Lushington showed some spunk with "Spinning Wheel." Unfortunately, her vocals paled in comparison to the clip of her singing Amy Winehouse during H-wood week. She sounded congested, and her falsetto was downright yucky. Alexandrea competed against (and lost to) David A. on "Star Search" four years ago. I am embarrassed to admit that I actually had those peace-sign earrings, although I haven't worn them since they were in style. C

Britney impersonator Kady Malloy was up next with "Groovy Kind of Love." Kady was the only girl to wear a dress--it's just too bad she didn't pick a good one. Her performance lacked sparkle and she seemed very reserved throughout, but her vocals were better than some of the others. B

Asia'h Epperson--one of my personal favorites--then took the stage with Joplin's "Piece of my Heart." Dressed like she was going to join Amy at the club after the show, Asia'h's earrings were literally as big as bangle bracelets (if not bigger). It wasn't her best vocal (you could tell she was sick), but she is cute, bubbly and fun to watch. A

Ramiele Malubay, another favorite, chose to perform Dusty Springfield's "You Don't Have to Say You Love Me." Ramiele wins my vote for both best song and worst dressed (seriously, she looked like she was on her way to class and those boots she was bragging about were horrendous). It was a solid vocal despite a few flat notes towards the end, and I predict she will go far in this competition. A

Syesha Mercado strengthened my suspicion that she has an awful goiter she's trying to cover up when she took the stage to sing "Tobacco Road" wearing yet another scarf. However, she also proved that it is possible to take a crappy song and sing the h*ll out of it. Phil Stacey's version of this was downright comical last season ("R-OOOOOOOOOOO-AAAAD") but Syesha's was spirited and made me forget how much I hate the song. A

If there was one thing I could predict, it was that Carly Smithson would close the show in the producer's continued effort to pimp her. I did, however, expect some 'Stones instead of "Shadow of Your Smile." Carly opted to cover up her tats with an oversized blouse that did nothing for her. For the most part, her voice was soulful and strong, although things did get a bit shout-y in the middle. A-

* * *

I'm guessing it will be sayonara for Amy and Joanne. Thoughts?