Boys Sing 80's & There's Not an Acid-Washed Jean in Sight

It's totally 80's week! Our Top 8 Boys take the stage with an ominous warning that "two of them will fail." But instead of rockin' some Bon Jovi or Billy Idol, most seem to pick from the categories of fruity, fruitier, and fruitiest. WTF dudes?

Solidifying his spot as the lowest vote-getter of the week is Lukeolas, up first with Wham's "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go." His most embarrassing moment was when his older sister dressed his 8-year old self up as a ballerina and took pictures. The beginning of the song is actually quite close to the original and his falsetto not quite as craptastic as last week. Considering the high pitch of his voice I actually felt this was a good song choice for him, although he did fall behind the music. But for the life of me I will never understand those who choose not to dress to impress when they have a Hollywood wardrobe at their disposal. C-

Archie defied my prediction of "Against All Odds" and went with a different Phil Collins joint instead (does that mean I get partial credit?) Wonderboy's most embarrassing moment was when he lost his voice during the middle of a fundraiser performance and Mama A. had to get up and finish for him (go mom!). A friggin' PIANO is rolled out for The Chosen One to play while singing "Another Day in Paradise" (something tells me The Powers that Be wouldn't have done the same for say, Yeagermeister). The beginning is pretty good, but then he decides to break away from the box of keys and see how many times he can lick his lips in one half-song. But alas, Archie (sportin' a cool new haircut BTW) proves that he can shine even while being thirsty, having to pee, and singing about foot blisters. I thought this was a cheesy song choice until he made the comment about "people who have nothing" at which point sleepingbeauty's heart grew three sizes. A-

There is a very real possibility that Danny Noriega's most embarrassing moment (falling down a bunch of stairs at the movies in front of his crush) occurred at my senior-year hangout. Danny we know you're an internet junkie, so if you're reading this, just tell me: AMC 30 Covina, right? He chooses to sing "Tainted Love" which is a good choice for me, for him, however the delivery is somehow breathier...wilder...more uneven and in a lower key than I would have liked. And I'm in shock that anyone as fabulous as D would recycle clothing on camera (that's Simon's job). The purple highlights were rad though (shut up Pauler). C+

David "Strip Tease" Hernandez's most embarrassing moment was not when he was outed to the public but when he got the proofs back from a photo shoot where he had a bat in the cave (pretty funny actually). The music starts and OMG, "It's All Coming Back To Me Now"...the horror...the creepy-crawly feeling...the sheer ickiness that was watching my dear Kat have to perform this wretched song with Meatloaf two years ago (gag me with a spoon!) But back to Davy. It's a pretty strong vocal but a horrible song choice (like, duh!) and I'm with Simon on preferring soulful songs from this guy. (Also, I had to laugh when Pauler said, "You're becoming a good performer"...you know why). B

Mikey Kangaroo gets some time on the couch with Ry while techs try to solve a problem with David Cook's electric guitar. We learn that he sees himself making a rock/soul/dance "record" and that he was most embarrassed to be beat up in front of 20,000 people while (willingly) wearing a kangaroo costume. He and his chameleon voice take the stage to sing "Don't You Forget About Me" and all I can say is "I'll try not to." Michael seems to be coasting along without really hitting the mark and his performances are starting to run together for me. Plus, he's still just a choir robe away from joining Billy Graham at his next tent revival. B-

Guitar problems solved, David Cook takes the stage to perform Lionel Richie's "Hello" after admitting that he once froze up during a talent show performance of "Sandman." I don't know how he did it, but I went from hating this guy to loving him two weeks in a row. His modern arrangement of the song and sincere delivery made for my favorite performance of the night. (I didn't use the word "original" to preface the arrangement because this is AI, which means there's at least a 50% chance that tomorrow morning we'll find out that some obscure band did a cover of this the exact same way.) And David, thanks for shaving. Your next look-improving assignment is to wear a tighter rocker tee next time and experiment with bronzer. A

Am I the only one who half-expected J-Cast to finish the sentence "This one time..." with "...at band camp"? Jay's most embarrassing moment didn't happen at band camp but at a restaurant while out on a date...my boy accidentally ripped out one of his dreads at the dinner table and was left holding it not knowing what to do. Too-freakin'-funny. Jason chooses to ditch the guitar, dim the lights, and perch on the ballad stool to sing "Hallelujah." And (brace yourself) I...didn't like it. The song is too big for him and exposed his still-developing vocals. There were at least three painfully obvious bum notes and he has yet to learn breathing techniques. All I could think was "Shrek!" and, "Open your (beautiful) damn eyes!" However, two playbacks reveal that it wasn't quite as bad as I had originally thought. B-

Closing the show is McCheesy, who used to frequent the girls bathroom at school until one day he realized...it was the girls bathroom. He chooses to sing Whitney's "All the Man that I Need" and change the pronouns Smirkado-style. I have always hated this song and it's dirty innuendo ("he fills me up..."). Chikezie sounded pretty good overall but it wasn't the closer I was hoping for. B+

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I'd bank on Lukeolas going home for sure, but my second candidate is a toss up between Danny, Hernandez and (even though it never happens to the person who goes last) Chikezie.

Girl's are up next time, and here's what I want to know: What is UP with Ramiele's glasses? They're so bogus they look like a prop from an SNL skit...or the 80's.

Robbie's Hair-Don't

We knew something was off with Robbie Carrico's coif...

"Idol" Contestant Wigs Out

(I feel like I'm ganging up on the guy all of the sudden, but the hits keep comin'...)

Robbie's Questionable Rocker Cred

For those of you who wondered why Simon would question Robbie Carrico's rocker cred, here's an old newspaper clipping that explains it all.

Like I said before: Real rockers don't sing Bryan Adams.

The Boys, The Boys!

Since when do we introduce theme weeks straight out of the gate? What happened to making up for the notoriously bad editing of the audition and Hollywood week rounds by now giving the top 24 contestants a chance to show us, if only for a minute twenty, their style and their sound so that we can decide if we like them. How the h*ll are we, the audience, to know what kind of an artist contestants like Garrett Haley and Jason Yeager would be after not having heard them sing a unrestricted song of their choice? Why of all themes pick 60's, and then criticize them for not making the song current? It is their first week on the job for crying out loud! (((End rant)))

Here are my thought's on the top 12 guy's performances, in order of appearance:

Rudy Cardeneas--oops, I mean, David Hernandez--opens the show with Wilson Pickett's "In the Midnight Hour" wearing a cream shirt with piercings and stains on it. Despite the weird faces he makes when he sings and the predictably annoying song choice, it was an okay performance overall. C+

Chikezie (No More Eze) drops a cheesy rendition of "More Today Than Yesterday" on us in a suit the color of rust and boots the Dawg himself might wear. Even though his smile is bright and his finish big, the performance is altogether lackluster and uninspiring. Paula calls him "infectious" (in a good way) and Simon stumbles and calls him "jacuzzi." Viewers are left to debate which would be worse: dipping into an infectious jacuzzi or having to watch this performance again. D-

Wannabe rocker David Cook attempts to prove that he and the mic stand can be as "Happy Together" as she once was in the hands of Bo and Chris Daughtry. Both the arrangement and the execution was good, but the flattened hair and deer-in-the-headlights look have got to go. B+

Our babyfaced Val Kilmer, otherwise known as Jason Yeager, dedicates "Moon River" to his granny. It was bland and uninteresting, and I would be honest-to-goodness SHOCKED if he weren't sent home this week. D

Robbie Carrico, our hairiest Idol hopeful, owns up to his former fame with Boyz N Girlz United (good move) before taking the stage to sing "One" by Three Dog Night amongst some flashing stage lights. Though dressed like a mechanic out on the town, Robbie hit a home run and put himself in my top three of the night. A

Fan favorite David Archuleta shows some attitude with "Shop Around" and it leaves him out of breath. He's gunna have to work on that if he ever hopes to hold a concert. I was finally able to see a bit of what everyone else sees in this guy, although I am not enamored. I was also a bit disturbed by the angry red X (cross?) on his T-shirt, I think it was trying to send a message I didn't want to receive. A-

Then, in one of the most random song choices in Idol history, Danny Noriega chooses to perform The King's "Jailhouse Rock." Methinks dear Danny must fancy himself a young Elvis, with the hair and all, but did he really think he could put Taylor's rendition to shame? He shouted his way through it, and other than a downright lethal pelvic wiggle at the end, it was a wash. C-

Dressed like he just walked in off the street, Luke Menard sings a ballad by Fred Neil called "Everybody's Talkin.'" This was his one chance to impress America, and he failed miserably. Although there were a few pretty parts, the song was overall nasal and pitch-y with a horrendous falsetto. He seems like a sweet guy but I won't miss him when he's bid adieu on Thursday. D-

Colton Berry points out his uncanny resemblance to Talk Show Host Ellen DeGeneres, then later takes the stage to sing Elvis's "Suspicious Minds" -- one of the last songs Chris Daughtry sang before his elimination. Not surprisingly, Colton lacked Chris's charisma and his showtunes background overshadowed his performance. B-

Garrett Haley, a skinny kid with a funny speaking voice (seriously, he could do animated voices), takes on "Breaking up is Hard to Do." Unlike the other guys who choose to sing ballads, this one had a fairly pleasant delivery. He revealed that he was a spontaneous auditionee, and very green--you could actually see his lips moving when Seacrest was reading from the teleprompter. Still, I think he has potential. B+

I am now officially in love with Jason Castro, despite the pageant-wave he gave before his performance and the cheesy song choice. His rendition of "Daydream" while playing guitar was all a bit too Mr. Rogers for me, but I found him uber charming and talented nonetheless. Check him out on YouTube. A

Was anyone surprised that the producers gave Michael Johns the pimp spot? I mean, could they BE any more obvious? Michael chose to rock "Light my Fire" as he and fellow contestant Amanda Overmyer had done during Hollywood week. Armed with the ever-present Idol fire screensaver and an Ivy league scarf, Michael did his best to pay tribute to The Doors. He also added some cheesy moves and hand-raising, which I cannot excuse. A

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So tell me...who are you feelin'? Who do you think is going home? And who is the next American Idol?