Boys Sing 80's & There's Not an Acid-Washed Jean in Sight

It's totally 80's week! Our Top 8 Boys take the stage with an ominous warning that "two of them will fail." But instead of rockin' some Bon Jovi or Billy Idol, most seem to pick from the categories of fruity, fruitier, and fruitiest. WTF dudes?

Solidifying his spot as the lowest vote-getter of the week is Lukeolas, up first with Wham's "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go." His most embarrassing moment was when his older sister dressed his 8-year old self up as a ballerina and took pictures. The beginning of the song is actually quite close to the original and his falsetto not quite as craptastic as last week. Considering the high pitch of his voice I actually felt this was a good song choice for him, although he did fall behind the music. But for the life of me I will never understand those who choose not to dress to impress when they have a Hollywood wardrobe at their disposal. C-

Archie defied my prediction of "Against All Odds" and went with a different Phil Collins joint instead (does that mean I get partial credit?) Wonderboy's most embarrassing moment was when he lost his voice during the middle of a fundraiser performance and Mama A. had to get up and finish for him (go mom!). A friggin' PIANO is rolled out for The Chosen One to play while singing "Another Day in Paradise" (something tells me The Powers that Be wouldn't have done the same for say, Yeagermeister). The beginning is pretty good, but then he decides to break away from the box of keys and see how many times he can lick his lips in one half-song. But alas, Archie (sportin' a cool new haircut BTW) proves that he can shine even while being thirsty, having to pee, and singing about foot blisters. I thought this was a cheesy song choice until he made the comment about "people who have nothing" at which point sleepingbeauty's heart grew three sizes. A-

There is a very real possibility that Danny Noriega's most embarrassing moment (falling down a bunch of stairs at the movies in front of his crush) occurred at my senior-year hangout. Danny we know you're an internet junkie, so if you're reading this, just tell me: AMC 30 Covina, right? He chooses to sing "Tainted Love" which is a good choice for me, for him, however the delivery is somehow breathier...wilder...more uneven and in a lower key than I would have liked. And I'm in shock that anyone as fabulous as D would recycle clothing on camera (that's Simon's job). The purple highlights were rad though (shut up Pauler). C+

David "Strip Tease" Hernandez's most embarrassing moment was not when he was outed to the public but when he got the proofs back from a photo shoot where he had a bat in the cave (pretty funny actually). The music starts and OMG, "It's All Coming Back To Me Now"...the horror...the creepy-crawly feeling...the sheer ickiness that was watching my dear Kat have to perform this wretched song with Meatloaf two years ago (gag me with a spoon!) But back to Davy. It's a pretty strong vocal but a horrible song choice (like, duh!) and I'm with Simon on preferring soulful songs from this guy. (Also, I had to laugh when Pauler said, "You're becoming a good performer"...you know why). B

Mikey Kangaroo gets some time on the couch with Ry while techs try to solve a problem with David Cook's electric guitar. We learn that he sees himself making a rock/soul/dance "record" and that he was most embarrassed to be beat up in front of 20,000 people while (willingly) wearing a kangaroo costume. He and his chameleon voice take the stage to sing "Don't You Forget About Me" and all I can say is "I'll try not to." Michael seems to be coasting along without really hitting the mark and his performances are starting to run together for me. Plus, he's still just a choir robe away from joining Billy Graham at his next tent revival. B-

Guitar problems solved, David Cook takes the stage to perform Lionel Richie's "Hello" after admitting that he once froze up during a talent show performance of "Sandman." I don't know how he did it, but I went from hating this guy to loving him two weeks in a row. His modern arrangement of the song and sincere delivery made for my favorite performance of the night. (I didn't use the word "original" to preface the arrangement because this is AI, which means there's at least a 50% chance that tomorrow morning we'll find out that some obscure band did a cover of this the exact same way.) And David, thanks for shaving. Your next look-improving assignment is to wear a tighter rocker tee next time and experiment with bronzer. A

Am I the only one who half-expected J-Cast to finish the sentence "This one time..." with "...at band camp"? Jay's most embarrassing moment didn't happen at band camp but at a restaurant while out on a date...my boy accidentally ripped out one of his dreads at the dinner table and was left holding it not knowing what to do. Too-freakin'-funny. Jason chooses to ditch the guitar, dim the lights, and perch on the ballad stool to sing "Hallelujah." And (brace yourself) I...didn't like it. The song is too big for him and exposed his still-developing vocals. There were at least three painfully obvious bum notes and he has yet to learn breathing techniques. All I could think was "Shrek!" and, "Open your (beautiful) damn eyes!" However, two playbacks reveal that it wasn't quite as bad as I had originally thought. B-

Closing the show is McCheesy, who used to frequent the girls bathroom at school until one day he realized...it was the girls bathroom. He chooses to sing Whitney's "All the Man that I Need" and change the pronouns Smirkado-style. I have always hated this song and it's dirty innuendo ("he fills me up..."). Chikezie sounded pretty good overall but it wasn't the closer I was hoping for. B+

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I'd bank on Lukeolas going home for sure, but my second candidate is a toss up between Danny, Hernandez and (even though it never happens to the person who goes last) Chikezie.

Girl's are up next time, and here's what I want to know: What is UP with Ramiele's glasses? They're so bogus they look like a prop from an SNL skit...or the 80's.

Totally 80's Song Suggestions

Next week the Top 16 will perform hits from the 80's. We've been hearing that the contestants are limited to a list of 50 songs to choose from, so I'm basing my recommendations on iTune's 80's pop #1's, 80's hits (with a strong emphasis on the top 50) and 80's ladies.

First off, let's highlight a few songs NO one should do:

-Any Cyndi Lauper, but especially "Time After Time" - it did not go over so well with the last two Idols who attempted it.

-"Maniac" - after the side-splitting Kia commercial with the dancing car salesman, this song can never again be taken seriously.

-"Celebration" - unless they want Mr. Happy to call them a "ghastly wedding singer"

-"I Love Rock 'n Roll" - How many times did we hear this during auditions?

-"Against All Odds" - officially the most oversung number on Idol at 5 times in 6+ seasons. 10 bucks says Archuleta does it.

Here's what I recommend instead:

Aussie: It's too bad only the title of "Down Under" is really fitting for Michael. I'm suggesting either "Free Fallin'" or "Gimme All Your Lovin'" but I'm not totally satisfied with either.

J-Cast: If you want to play it safe, I second IdolJenn's previous suggestion of UB40's "Red, Red Wine." If you want to take a walk on the wild side and change things up: "Jessie's Girl." (Either way, ignore Paula and keep the guitar.)

Rocker Cook: I'd kinda like to see his take on "Jenny (8675-309)," but it's probably safer to go with Journey's "Anyway You Want it" if only for bonus points from Jackson. Please, no G&R.

Noriega: I think Danny could turn out a fabulous version of "Oh Sheila," "I'm Comin' Out" and anything by Cher, but what I really want to hear is Boy George's "Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?" Wedding Singer style.

Pretty Boy with the High Voice: It's "Eye of the Tiger" for Luke, and the mute button for me.

Gollygeewillikers Boy: I'm going to suggest "Only Love," but does it really matter what Archuleta sings at this point?

The Token Black Guy: MJ's "Rock With You" but only if you put your soul innit.

Rudy Hernandez: If Chikezie don't do MJ, then you can. Otherwise it's "Just Got Paid" 'N SYNC style.

The Irish Chick: "Total Eclipse of the Heart" - this is the song that landed Jessica Sierra in the top 12 in season 4, and even though she's a hot mess now, it was an awesome performance and is well suited to Carly's voice.

The Nanny: Please, no Stevie Nicks. How about either "Back on the Chain Gang" or (even though it couldn't touch the Jessica Simpson version) "Take My Breath Away" instead?

Krazee Eyez: I'm suggesting Belinda Carlisle's "Heaven is a Place on Earth" for Kristy.

Cruella: Either "Addicted to Love" or "Hit Me with Your Best Shot," although I do think she could also do a mean version of "Dancin' with Myself."

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow: What are the odds that Asia'h doesn't attempt a diva song? I hope she resists the urge to sing Whitney or Tina and instead sings "Love is a Battlefield."

Kady Spears: "I Think We're Alone Now" or "Straight Up" but she should do them as Britney.

Smirkado: If Asia'h doesn't sing a diva song then Syesha probably will, but I say she try "Funkytown" instead.

Lullaby: Nevermind the nickname, you've got one of the best voices left in the competition. Showcase it on either Bette Midler's "The Rose" or Sinead's "Nothing Compares 2 U."

Hot & Not: Boys (Kinda) Rock the 70's

Guys, round two. Theme: The 70's (Bet you'll never guess what theme they're doing next week...) As with round one, there were only a few standout performances for the guys.

Michael Johns is up first (per Idol tradition the week after closing) with a very lukewarm rendition of Fleetwood Mac's "Go Your Own Way." He cups the mic and does a little of the C-Rich bouncy-bounce, but at least this time there is significantly less "hallelujah!" hand-raising. I thought the chorus suited his voice, but the rest of the song was almost unrecognizable. I think MJ would have benefited from being behind the guitar on this one, and it was definitely his worst performance to date. His "something-America-would-be-surprised-to-learn-about-me" video revelation is no news to the Aussie Posse: dude looks smashing in a pair of tennis shorts. C

Jason Castro admits his dislike for doing interviews in his getting-to-know-you video which will either be considered cute or annoying. I'm with the former, but I'm also a biased fan (who nevertheless can't bring herself to go by Castronaut or Dreadhead--two of the worst fanbase names ev-ah). JC sings Andy Gibb's "I Just Want to be Your Everything" while once again strumming (his own) guitar. There is nothing earth-shattering about this performance, but a playback reveals that there is also nothing really wrong with it either. I think he needs to go with a more dynamic song next week, but as for the guitar--that's just his thing, and I don't think he should be criticized for staying true to himself. B+

After announcing that he traveled around the world for six years with his a capella group Chapter 6, Luke Menard takes a huge risk with "Killer Queen" and (not surprisingly) fails to live up to the vocal god that was Freddie Mercury. I absolutely hate the tone of this guy's voice and the song was a pitchy, uneven train-wreck. Still, an improvement from last week, if only because it was "a ballsy" (even if Luke's sound as though they were in a vice). D

Robbie "I'm a Rocker, Damnit!" Carrico chats with Ryan about how there are "different levels of rock." While I agree with this statement, I also think that the term "rocker" doesn't apply to all of them, including Robbie's particular brand. His lead-in video shows him drag racing a car with one headlight (LOL), and then he takes the stage to rock (j/k!) Foreigner's "Hot Blooded" sans headkerchief. Though he spins the mic stand as all Idol "rockers" are wan to do and he wears the requisite wallet chain, the signature pop gestures he makes throughout the performance give him away. His spark from last week is gone, the vocal leaves something to be desired and he's got a serious case of bedhead. C-

Worster Danny Noriega dips into his lower register and stays there for most of The Carpenter's "Superstar" while looking more Jessica Alba than ever. I get that he's trying to prove he can sing to those who criticized his goofy Elvis impersonation last week, but this failed to hit the mark. Oh, and he mentioned he was in a punk rock band that only played one show. C-

David Hernandez opens up about his time as a gay stripper in his tell-all video. Actually he keeps that one to himself and instead educates us on his history as a gymnast (me too!) and the joys of wearing a leotard, which further backs the above claim on his sexual orientation. He then defies his pattern of annoying song choices with a smokin' hot rendition of "Papa was a Rollin' Stone" in a blazer with a built-in hoodie. Aside from some over-the-top gestures/moves, I loved this to the point where I may just have to plunk down 99 cents for the iTunes track (which would be a first for me, for it). A

In addition to singing poorly and looking like Val Kilmer, Jason Yeager also plays guitar, piano and drums. He gives another shout-out to his granny before taking the stage to give a showboat performance of the Dooby Brothers' "Long Train Runnin' (Without Love)." Can we just send him home now? D-

Chikezie schools us on the roots, the meaning, and the correct pronunciation of his Nigerian name but has yet to re-claim the Eze. He then follows in Elliott Yamin's footsteps with both his choice of Donny Hathaway's "I Believe to my Soul" and nod of recognition to Hathaway's daughter Kenya, who is one of the backup singers. His vocals are on-point and the delivery miles better than last week, but as my BFF Maya points out, "he's always dressed for the wrong decade"--this time opting for an 80's themed outfit complete with funky hot pink wristbands. Still, his latest stab at Simon's revolving wardrobe made me laugh. A

David Cook is a self-proclaimed "Word Nerd"--a revelation Simon thinks will hurt him, however I find the opposite to be true. David just became more interesting in my book by defying the stereotype that surrounds him. He turns out a solid performance of "All Right Now" and shows that he really knows how to work the crowd. My only advice is to lose the facial fur and work on further improving his look, because he's otherwise on the right track. A

David Archuleta proves that he's a power vocalist during sharing time with the video of him singing "And I'm Telling You" for Kelly Clarkson which many of us have already seen on YOUtube. He then proves it again with a chillingly solid performance of John Lennon's "Imagine," which like all of the other songs David's done on AI, he previously sang on Star Search. The arrangement is completely different than the original (and inferior in my opinion) and David chooses to sing the lesser known third verse because it's his favorite. Also, it is painfully obvious (and annoying) that the producers are trying to create Beatlemania for David with his legion of cheering fans and choice of a Lennon song. Paula cries and expresses the desire to decapitate the poor kid whose looking very Clay Aiken in his choice of jacket. A

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And that's it for part 1 of 70's week. I'd bank on Yeager and either Menard or Carrico being cut this week.

The Boys, The Boys!

Since when do we introduce theme weeks straight out of the gate? What happened to making up for the notoriously bad editing of the audition and Hollywood week rounds by now giving the top 24 contestants a chance to show us, if only for a minute twenty, their style and their sound so that we can decide if we like them. How the h*ll are we, the audience, to know what kind of an artist contestants like Garrett Haley and Jason Yeager would be after not having heard them sing a unrestricted song of their choice? Why of all themes pick 60's, and then criticize them for not making the song current? It is their first week on the job for crying out loud! (((End rant)))

Here are my thought's on the top 12 guy's performances, in order of appearance:

Rudy Cardeneas--oops, I mean, David Hernandez--opens the show with Wilson Pickett's "In the Midnight Hour" wearing a cream shirt with piercings and stains on it. Despite the weird faces he makes when he sings and the predictably annoying song choice, it was an okay performance overall. C+

Chikezie (No More Eze) drops a cheesy rendition of "More Today Than Yesterday" on us in a suit the color of rust and boots the Dawg himself might wear. Even though his smile is bright and his finish big, the performance is altogether lackluster and uninspiring. Paula calls him "infectious" (in a good way) and Simon stumbles and calls him "jacuzzi." Viewers are left to debate which would be worse: dipping into an infectious jacuzzi or having to watch this performance again. D-

Wannabe rocker David Cook attempts to prove that he and the mic stand can be as "Happy Together" as she once was in the hands of Bo and Chris Daughtry. Both the arrangement and the execution was good, but the flattened hair and deer-in-the-headlights look have got to go. B+

Our babyfaced Val Kilmer, otherwise known as Jason Yeager, dedicates "Moon River" to his granny. It was bland and uninteresting, and I would be honest-to-goodness SHOCKED if he weren't sent home this week. D

Robbie Carrico, our hairiest Idol hopeful, owns up to his former fame with Boyz N Girlz United (good move) before taking the stage to sing "One" by Three Dog Night amongst some flashing stage lights. Though dressed like a mechanic out on the town, Robbie hit a home run and put himself in my top three of the night. A

Fan favorite David Archuleta shows some attitude with "Shop Around" and it leaves him out of breath. He's gunna have to work on that if he ever hopes to hold a concert. I was finally able to see a bit of what everyone else sees in this guy, although I am not enamored. I was also a bit disturbed by the angry red X (cross?) on his T-shirt, I think it was trying to send a message I didn't want to receive. A-

Then, in one of the most random song choices in Idol history, Danny Noriega chooses to perform The King's "Jailhouse Rock." Methinks dear Danny must fancy himself a young Elvis, with the hair and all, but did he really think he could put Taylor's rendition to shame? He shouted his way through it, and other than a downright lethal pelvic wiggle at the end, it was a wash. C-

Dressed like he just walked in off the street, Luke Menard sings a ballad by Fred Neil called "Everybody's Talkin.'" This was his one chance to impress America, and he failed miserably. Although there were a few pretty parts, the song was overall nasal and pitch-y with a horrendous falsetto. He seems like a sweet guy but I won't miss him when he's bid adieu on Thursday. D-

Colton Berry points out his uncanny resemblance to Talk Show Host Ellen DeGeneres, then later takes the stage to sing Elvis's "Suspicious Minds" -- one of the last songs Chris Daughtry sang before his elimination. Not surprisingly, Colton lacked Chris's charisma and his showtunes background overshadowed his performance. B-

Garrett Haley, a skinny kid with a funny speaking voice (seriously, he could do animated voices), takes on "Breaking up is Hard to Do." Unlike the other guys who choose to sing ballads, this one had a fairly pleasant delivery. He revealed that he was a spontaneous auditionee, and very green--you could actually see his lips moving when Seacrest was reading from the teleprompter. Still, I think he has potential. B+

I am now officially in love with Jason Castro, despite the pageant-wave he gave before his performance and the cheesy song choice. His rendition of "Daydream" while playing guitar was all a bit too Mr. Rogers for me, but I found him uber charming and talented nonetheless. Check him out on YouTube. A

Was anyone surprised that the producers gave Michael Johns the pimp spot? I mean, could they BE any more obvious? Michael chose to rock "Light my Fire" as he and fellow contestant Amanda Overmyer had done during Hollywood week. Armed with the ever-present Idol fire screensaver and an Ivy league scarf, Michael did his best to pay tribute to The Doors. He also added some cheesy moves and hand-raising, which I cannot excuse. A

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So tell me...who are you feelin'? Who do you think is going home? And who is the next American Idol?

How many David's, Jason's and Cook's does it take to make a top 24?

Boys and girls it's time to meet our American Idol Top 24 - Season 7.

I like to do this little first impression/prediction post at the beginning of each season to see how my opinions change and just how much my crystal ball is worth.

Onto the players. It's ladies first, alphabetically:

Alaina Whitaker - 16 Tulsa, OK

I'm sure she is a very nice girl. One who will be cut within the first two weeks unless she blows us out of the water because we know nothing about her.

Alexandrea Lushington - 16 Atlanta, GA

If we've seen or heard her before, I don't remember it, which doesn't bode well. Odds of making the top 12: slim to none.

Amanda Overmyer - 23 Mulberry, IN

This girl rocks my socks. Long live the rock 'n roll nurse. She's top 10 material, a la Gina Glocksen, however Love Song Week could be tricky.

Amy Davis - 25 Cedar Lake, IN

First cut outta the gate.

Asia'h Epperson - 19 Joplin, MO

LOVE this girl. She's a little firecracker with the whole package. I hope she makes the top 12, but I have a feeling she might not.

Brooke White - 24 Van Nuys, CA

Despite being a hybrid of two of my best friends (one of which I've been encouraging to audition for years), Brooke is as boring as it gets. A great role model and a beautiful girl for sure, but not the most unique, talented, or interesting.

Carly Smithson - 24, Dublin, Ireland (now San Diego, CA)

The Powers that Be want her in the finale, and to the finale she shall go, as a result of maximum Idol pimpage. I love the accent and definitely think she's a unique individual, however if I'm being honest I'm sick of her already.

Joanne Borgella - 25 Hopoken, NJ

I think this girl is beautiful and talented, however I do wish she'd quit bringing up the weight issue - if there is one thing AI is not it's size-ist. She's half of Rueben, Mandisa and LaKisha, and I don't recall any of them ever complaining about their weight.

Kady Malloy - 18 Houston, TX

She is probably my favorite Interchangeable Blonde, but that's not saying much. She's cute and will probably go down the road of The Pickler instead of Britney (which is preferable to fading away into obscurity I suppose).

Kristy Lee Cook - 24 Selma, OK

After seeing her perform in front of a Confederate flag, I have nothing good to say about KKKristy, and hope she is the first Interchangeable Blonde to hit the road. (Does that make me prejudice about prejudice?)

Ramiele Malubay - 20 Miramar, FL

I like this girl, but I think I like Asia'h more. I don't think there's room in the top 12 for the both of them, and Ramiele probably has the edge.

Syesha Mercado - 21 Miami, FL

Although losing her voice during Hollywood week may have been a ploy for more screentime, she's got my vote. I was BLOWN AWAY by her final audition.

The boys, the boys:

Chikezie Eze - 22 Inglewood, CA

Best. Name. Ever. It's also the most likely to be misspelled. He comes from the ghetto (always a plus when they are working their way up) and seems very likable. Top 12...maybe.

Colton Berry - 17 Staunton, VA

Can't stand this guy. He sang Aladdin's "Whole New World" (poorly) for crying out loud. Be gone.

Danny Noriega - 18 Azusa, CA

I live just minutes from Azusa, so I gotta show some support for the local boy. I wasn't particularly impressed with his audition, but he's growing on me. And what personality!

David Archuleta - 17 Salt Lake City, UT

David #1 is nice, sweet and cute, much like a puppy. I try not to kick puppies, but if he continues his trend of lame song choices, mediocre performances and the aw-shucks routine in reaction to the judges mega-hype I won't be able to stop myself.

David Cook - 25 Tulsa, OK

Hate this guy. He and his wannabe edgyness irk me to the core. Unfortunately, I predict he'll be around for at least three or four weeks. Ugh.

David Hernandez - 24 Phoenix, AZ

David #3 has a very Rudy Cardenas vibe about him. I predict he'll last longer than Rudy (though not too much more) and that his song choices will continue to be cheesy and uber-annoying.

Garret Haley 17 - Elida, OH

His big-band hair scares me. Haven't heard him sing but I do not have high hopes for this one.

Jason Castro 20 - Rowlett, TX

Everyone likes a guy with dreads. Other than that, I haven't seen or heard enough of him to judge.

Jason Yeager - 28 Grand Prarie, TX

Who?

Luke Menard - 29 Crawfordsville, IN

I think he and the rock 'n roll nurse should hook up. They both love motorcycles and are from Indiana. He looks like a cross between Luke Perry and Orlando Bloom. As far as who he sounds like...couldn't tell ya. Gone within two weeks.

Michael Johns - 29 Atlanta, GA (formerly Australia)

I see him either duking it out with Carly in the finale or having a Daughtry-esque exit sooner than everyone expects. He's definitely a favorite and his accent is to die for, but the more I look at him the more I am reminded of Rufus from Gossip Girl. I was forced to cross Michael off of my list of potential conquests when it was revealed that he a) is married, b) is not a vegetarian, and c) stole his former band's songs. But hey, nobody's perfect.

Robbie Carrico - 26 Melbourne, FL

Real rockers don't sing Bryan Adams. Enough said.

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So tell me...who are you digging? Who would you like to dump? And, are you ready to get this road on the show?