Danny Noriega: No Finale Tickets for You!

Robbie's Hair-Don't

We knew something was off with Robbie Carrico's coif...

"Idol" Contestant Wigs Out

(I feel like I'm ganging up on the guy all of the sudden, but the hits keep comin'...)

Season 7 Idol Contestant Outed by VFTW

In a season filled with so many obvious Proud Mary's, it's interesting to find that one contestant who managed to fly beneath many viewer's gaydar, has actually been outed in a pretty big way.

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The First Cut is the...Easiest

As the camera pans across our Top 24 at the start of the first Elimination show of the season, it's apparent that there's a definite theme going on: All of the guys are dressed in suits and the girls are in black and white 60's garb. After the intro, Ryan announces that they received about 28 million votes, which isn't much considering that it was divided among 24 contestants, and further bucks the claim that this is the "BEST. SEASON. EVER!"

After a video depicting the top 24's paparazzi-style photoshoot to the tune of Daughtry's "What About Now?" the contestants perform a medley of songs from the 60's. First up are the guys with a little "Needles and Pins" and "Everytime You Walk in the Room." They finish the latter just as, well, the girls walk in the room (didn't see that one coming!) Girls sing "Spanish Harlem," Birthday girl Alaina Whitaker gets a one-line solo (and one of the ugliest outfits), and one of the girls (not sure who) messes up at the end of the song. Then things get very Hairspray as the collective lot perform "Bend Me, Shake Me" with two of the three "rockers" getting to shout about "the power." It ends of course, with a big cheesy jazz-hands finish. :::jazz hands:::

At elimination time, the guys sweat it out the stage while the girls sit in the area formerly known as The Dawg Pound (whatever happened to that, anyway?) Ryan says they're just going to have a little chat and pretends to choose one of the guys at random. Garrett Haley is called to the center of the stage and is told in the most rapid-fire manner in recent memory, "it's-over-you-suck-good-bye-now-sing." HARSH! Poor Garrett doesn't know what hit him. He reprises "Breaking up is Hard to Do" from Tuesday night and it is oh-so apropos as essentially, America is breaking up with him. I was somewhat surprised to see Garrett cut first, as I expected America to get behind him when Simon gave him the worst tongue-lashing of the night. Also, there were at least four guys who sang far worse than he did. My advice to Garrett is to work on his craft and to look into doing character voice-overs, because he'd be mad good at it.

The contestants play musical chairs during the commercial break, as it's now the girl's turn to face the axe. Kristy is called out and nervously makes her way center stage but everyone sitting at home knows it can't be that easy, after all, we still have approximately 40 minutes to kill. She is deemed SAFE, and as expected, it's Amy Davis who's being sent home. Poor girl is shaking like a leaf as she again sings "Where the Boys Are," only this time it sounds worse. I am reminded of Becky O'Donahue, who had the same fate both on Idol and in Maxim magazine. No advice needed, as I'm sure we'll be seeing more of Amy...in the centerfolds.

Before the break, Seacrest teases (warns) us that "when we return, we'll see Paula shake what Mama Abdul gave her." Paula looks surprised at this announcement, which can only mean one thing...it's a video, not a live performance. (Of course it's a video, can you imagine the field day Simon would have if it weren't? I think Paula would be the next person sent home.) At 47, Ms. Abdul is older than my mom who has been a grandma for seven years. But that didn't stop Paula from recording a dance track called "Dance Like There's No Tomorrow" that isn't even good enough to be on Britney's album (and is a bona fide earworm, much to my chagrin). Like Britney, there is very minimal dancing by the artist and a lot by the "back up" dancers. I will say this much--I was a fan of Paula in the 90's and she looked d*mn hot in that black lace cougar dress. After the video ends Seacrest approaches the judges table with an electric fan to recreate Paula's windblown look depicted in the video.

Rocker Nurse and Joanne face the firing squad and it's last hired, second fired, as Joanne is given her walking papers. I wouldn't have minded giving the plus-sized beauty another chance if she hadn't made my ears bleed the night before. She sings "Say A Little Prayer" and (thank God) this time it's much better--too bad they made her wear a mumu. My advice to big J is to see if she can mainstream her plus-sized creations, and of course....never give up on your dreams.

After the break, the boys are once again in the hotseat and it's Chikeze and Colton that are summoned by The Metrosexual One to learn their fate. I was glad to see Chikeze there after his cheeseball performance, but surprised about Colton if only because I was convinced it would be either Luke Menard or Jason Yeager. Unfortunately, it's Chikeze who's sent back to safety. The rest of the fallen Idols are called back to the stage to watch their Idol Journey Video, which features Garrett giving mommy a kiss on the lips (whoa!) and Colton being a lot more OUT than he was ever shown being on the show. C-Train revives "Suspicious Minds" which can now officially be deemed one of the kiss of death songs, future Idol hopefuls be warned. My advice to Colton is to follow in the footsteps of Anthony Federov and pursue a career on the stage.

Lots of tears are shed by several of the remaining 20, but among those who remain smug are Michael Johns, who is twice shown having to tear himself away from mugging the camera Maroulis-style. (Tone it down, dude.)

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Tune in Tuesday, when the remaining 10 guys will perform whatever crappy theme they are given.

Robbie's Questionable Rocker Cred

For those of you who wondered why Simon would question Robbie Carrico's rocker cred, here's an old newspaper clipping that explains it all.

Like I said before: Real rockers don't sing Bryan Adams.

At Least They Didn't Perform with Face Masks and Blankets...

At the start of Wednesday's Top 12 Girl's Night, Ryan announced that many of the girls had fallen ill but that the show must go on. He also mentioned that rehearsals had been full of face masks and blankets - what fun that must have been for a germaphobe like Ryan.

One thing they didn't mention was that the much-talked about Carly Smithson had been MIA from the Boy's Night audience. While several of the other girls were rumored to have gone in and out of the show due to coughing fits, Carly didn't even have a chair. Whether this was due fully to illness or in part because the truth about her former recording past had broke (or rather gone more public than before) that day remains unseen.

But all of the girls managed to pull it together for their minute twenty on the small Idol stage to perform a 60's song. Here are my reviews in order of appearance:

Kristy Lee Cook was up first singing the well-known "Rescue Me" dressed in ripped jeans and a sparkly tank (I was just glad to see she'd ditched the faded tee's and d*mn work boots). While this song is about desperation, our skinnier Kate Bosworth clone sang it like she was waiting for the bus. Though her voice was pretty, there was no punch, no charisma, and Simon called her robotic (however, the same was once said about now-superstar Carrie Underwood). Kristy sited bronchitis as the cause of her flat performance, but we all know that in cases like these you've got to fake it to make it. The best part of this performance was when fellow Cook David was seen slumped in his chair with his arms folded while the other guys clapped along to the beat. C-

Plus-size model Joanne Borgella was up next with what I'm calling worst performance of the night. She chose "Say A Little Prayer" and will have to do the same tonight as I believe she will be in danger of being voted off. I liked Joanne before this, but she didn't work the stage the way she needed to and her voice was shrieky and reminiscent of a helium balloon. And while I'm sure more thought went into her outfit than any other, I wasn't quite feelin' it. D-

Birthday girl and Carrie clone Alaina Whitaker then took the stage to sing "More Today Than Yesterday," the same song Chikeze No More Eze performed the night before (her rendition was much better). What I didn't like was the questionable fashion sense and the fact that her country twang was MIA. The twang heard in her audition was 90% of her charm, and I recommend she bring it back, stat. B

Resident Rocker Chick Amanda Overmyer opted not to cover Joplin again, and instead sang gibberish. I literally could not understand 70% of "Please Don't Go" and that's not including the scatting. For me, this performance was a huge disappointment, as I'm a fan. Her energy and bad*ss patchwork jeans were the best part. But, as her family said, if a semi truck can't take her down, nothing can (at least not yet). B-

Dressed like she was going clubbing, Amy Davis was up next with Patsy Cline's "Where the Boys Are." Though she looked better than she has and there was a tenderness in her voice, I do not believe it was enough to save her from elimination. B

Straight-edge nanny Brooke White choose to perform "Happy Together" as David C. had done the night before. Her look was more vampy than I was expecting (especially after the "I'm a good girl" lead-in), but that's not saying much since vampy for Brooke is casual for say, Carmen Electra. Brooke sounded pretty good but I was distracted by her awkward stomping (dancing?) and unexpected hair-grabs. The big finish of "Ba-ba-ba-ba-bop-ba-ba-ba-bop-ba-ba-bah-bop-bah-baaaah!" reminded me of when I once did karaoke to "John's Diner" and was mortified when the screen prompted me to actually sing "Duh-dut-duh-duh-dut-duh-duh-da, dut-duh-da-dut-da-dah-da" (I didn't). B+

Though she was dressed for 90's night instead of 60's, Alexandrea Lushington showed some spunk with "Spinning Wheel." Unfortunately, her vocals paled in comparison to the clip of her singing Amy Winehouse during H-wood week. She sounded congested, and her falsetto was downright yucky. Alexandrea competed against (and lost to) David A. on "Star Search" four years ago. I am embarrassed to admit that I actually had those peace-sign earrings, although I haven't worn them since they were in style. C

Britney impersonator Kady Malloy was up next with "Groovy Kind of Love." Kady was the only girl to wear a dress--it's just too bad she didn't pick a good one. Her performance lacked sparkle and she seemed very reserved throughout, but her vocals were better than some of the others. B

Asia'h Epperson--one of my personal favorites--then took the stage with Joplin's "Piece of my Heart." Dressed like she was going to join Amy at the club after the show, Asia'h's earrings were literally as big as bangle bracelets (if not bigger). It wasn't her best vocal (you could tell she was sick), but she is cute, bubbly and fun to watch. A

Ramiele Malubay, another favorite, chose to perform Dusty Springfield's "You Don't Have to Say You Love Me." Ramiele wins my vote for both best song and worst dressed (seriously, she looked like she was on her way to class and those boots she was bragging about were horrendous). It was a solid vocal despite a few flat notes towards the end, and I predict she will go far in this competition. A

Syesha Mercado strengthened my suspicion that she has an awful goiter she's trying to cover up when she took the stage to sing "Tobacco Road" wearing yet another scarf. However, she also proved that it is possible to take a crappy song and sing the h*ll out of it. Phil Stacey's version of this was downright comical last season ("R-OOOOOOOOOOO-AAAAD") but Syesha's was spirited and made me forget how much I hate the song. A

If there was one thing I could predict, it was that Carly Smithson would close the show in the producer's continued effort to pimp her. I did, however, expect some 'Stones instead of "Shadow of Your Smile." Carly opted to cover up her tats with an oversized blouse that did nothing for her. For the most part, her voice was soulful and strong, although things did get a bit shout-y in the middle. A-

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I'm guessing it will be sayonara for Amy and Joanne. Thoughts?

The Boys, The Boys!

Since when do we introduce theme weeks straight out of the gate? What happened to making up for the notoriously bad editing of the audition and Hollywood week rounds by now giving the top 24 contestants a chance to show us, if only for a minute twenty, their style and their sound so that we can decide if we like them. How the h*ll are we, the audience, to know what kind of an artist contestants like Garrett Haley and Jason Yeager would be after not having heard them sing a unrestricted song of their choice? Why of all themes pick 60's, and then criticize them for not making the song current? It is their first week on the job for crying out loud! (((End rant)))

Here are my thought's on the top 12 guy's performances, in order of appearance:

Rudy Cardeneas--oops, I mean, David Hernandez--opens the show with Wilson Pickett's "In the Midnight Hour" wearing a cream shirt with piercings and stains on it. Despite the weird faces he makes when he sings and the predictably annoying song choice, it was an okay performance overall. C+

Chikezie (No More Eze) drops a cheesy rendition of "More Today Than Yesterday" on us in a suit the color of rust and boots the Dawg himself might wear. Even though his smile is bright and his finish big, the performance is altogether lackluster and uninspiring. Paula calls him "infectious" (in a good way) and Simon stumbles and calls him "jacuzzi." Viewers are left to debate which would be worse: dipping into an infectious jacuzzi or having to watch this performance again. D-

Wannabe rocker David Cook attempts to prove that he and the mic stand can be as "Happy Together" as she once was in the hands of Bo and Chris Daughtry. Both the arrangement and the execution was good, but the flattened hair and deer-in-the-headlights look have got to go. B+

Our babyfaced Val Kilmer, otherwise known as Jason Yeager, dedicates "Moon River" to his granny. It was bland and uninteresting, and I would be honest-to-goodness SHOCKED if he weren't sent home this week. D

Robbie Carrico, our hairiest Idol hopeful, owns up to his former fame with Boyz N Girlz United (good move) before taking the stage to sing "One" by Three Dog Night amongst some flashing stage lights. Though dressed like a mechanic out on the town, Robbie hit a home run and put himself in my top three of the night. A

Fan favorite David Archuleta shows some attitude with "Shop Around" and it leaves him out of breath. He's gunna have to work on that if he ever hopes to hold a concert. I was finally able to see a bit of what everyone else sees in this guy, although I am not enamored. I was also a bit disturbed by the angry red X (cross?) on his T-shirt, I think it was trying to send a message I didn't want to receive. A-

Then, in one of the most random song choices in Idol history, Danny Noriega chooses to perform The King's "Jailhouse Rock." Methinks dear Danny must fancy himself a young Elvis, with the hair and all, but did he really think he could put Taylor's rendition to shame? He shouted his way through it, and other than a downright lethal pelvic wiggle at the end, it was a wash. C-

Dressed like he just walked in off the street, Luke Menard sings a ballad by Fred Neil called "Everybody's Talkin.'" This was his one chance to impress America, and he failed miserably. Although there were a few pretty parts, the song was overall nasal and pitch-y with a horrendous falsetto. He seems like a sweet guy but I won't miss him when he's bid adieu on Thursday. D-

Colton Berry points out his uncanny resemblance to Talk Show Host Ellen DeGeneres, then later takes the stage to sing Elvis's "Suspicious Minds" -- one of the last songs Chris Daughtry sang before his elimination. Not surprisingly, Colton lacked Chris's charisma and his showtunes background overshadowed his performance. B-

Garrett Haley, a skinny kid with a funny speaking voice (seriously, he could do animated voices), takes on "Breaking up is Hard to Do." Unlike the other guys who choose to sing ballads, this one had a fairly pleasant delivery. He revealed that he was a spontaneous auditionee, and very green--you could actually see his lips moving when Seacrest was reading from the teleprompter. Still, I think he has potential. B+

I am now officially in love with Jason Castro, despite the pageant-wave he gave before his performance and the cheesy song choice. His rendition of "Daydream" while playing guitar was all a bit too Mr. Rogers for me, but I found him uber charming and talented nonetheless. Check him out on YouTube. A

Was anyone surprised that the producers gave Michael Johns the pimp spot? I mean, could they BE any more obvious? Michael chose to rock "Light my Fire" as he and fellow contestant Amanda Overmyer had done during Hollywood week. Armed with the ever-present Idol fire screensaver and an Ivy league scarf, Michael did his best to pay tribute to The Doors. He also added some cheesy moves and hand-raising, which I cannot excuse. A

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So tell me...who are you feelin'? Who do you think is going home? And who is the next American Idol?