Wannabe Divas, Dawgs & The Return of the Moth and the Melon Ball

80's night part duex brings much amusement--from Jackson going an ENTIRE performance episode without mentioning pitch (ironically after officially being put on "Pitch Patrol" for the first time ev-ah), much tawk of dawgs, dogs, doggs, and mutts, lots of highwaisted bottoms, and the most craziness we've seen from Paula Abdul since season 5. Oh yeah, and the top 8 girls sing Whitney and some other 80's stuff. As for their most embarrassing moments, the majority of the girls are claiming they haven't had any since gradeschool, and the stuff they fess up to is so lame I'm not going to bother detailing it (save for one).

Onto the performances in order of appearance:

A-Shorty is up first with "I Wanna Dance With Somebody" by, you guessed it, Whitney. Wearing a Madonna-esque hot pink top and some hideous highwaisted pants, Asia'h is back to her perky, bubbly self (and her own hair). She has fun with it, and for some reason I'm reminded of one of Paris Bennett's upbeat performances. Her voice sounds a little rough though, as if she is still sick. Simon calls her a "Second-rate Whitney" and Asia'h's okay with that. I am distracted by her "friend" in the audience who, in a matter of seconds, personifies every ghetto stereotype possible. I like Asia'h but I don't like it that she keeps choosing songs by divas. B+

Cross-Eyed Kady gets some time on the couch to talk about how she "really thought she was going home" last week. Thanks for clearing that up, AI. Kady chooses to sing Queen's "Who Wants to Live Forever" and it's obvious that she's trying to do Katharine's version. Her overambitious song choice makes me cringe, but she actually does much better with it than I expected despite not dressing the part or setting the mood the way Kat did. Still, the emotion behind the song is missing, and she can't hit all of the notes. B-

Overkill is up next looking normal (for her) with Joan Jett's "I Hate Myself for Lovin' You." The song is a good fit for her voice but it's kind of a weird arrangement and she doesn't make it through without some screaming. Her fiance--who looks like a hotter, skinnier Harry Connick, Jr.-- is there to support her. Simon loves it but Amanda looks embarrassed and ashamed to even be there. A-

Carly Controversy then takes the stage to perform Cyndi Lauper's "I Drove all Night" in some highwaisted jeans with brass buttons. I'm a little confused by the night's fashion, so I take a moment to consult my BFF Maya asking, "Highwaisted pants were not a trend in the 80's, right?" to which she brilliantly responds, "I don't think it was ever a trend. Except maybe for men in the revolutionary war. Or perhaps for horse riders." You see why I love this girl? Anyway, back to Carly. The song itself isn't that great and mostly consists of more controlled screaming but Carly's vocals are impressive. She also can't stop smiling when it's over and comes off as more likeable because of it. A-

Tomboy reveals that her most embarrassing moment was acting like a dog for the entire year she was seven complete with drinking out of a dog bowl, barking/growling at people and walking around on all fours. That's not a moment Kristy, that's a year's worth of disturbing behavior that you may never live down. I asked MY 7-year old daughter what she thinks of it and she said, "that's just plain creepy." Kristy tackles Journey's "Faithfully" and gives it a LeeAnn Rimes type spin while once again sporting a cherry red tongue. I don't know about you, but I'm thinking we don't need another LeeAnn Rimes, especially one as f'n weird as Kristy. B+

Rami Lullaby proves she still hasn't won over the wardrobe department (but they love her over in hair and makeup) and that she still has a good voice with Phil Collins' "Against All Odds." When Simon said he's "heard a lot of performances like that over the years" he wasn't kidding--this is the 6th rendition of AAO in seven seasons and could be the show's freakin' theme song. Rami's new BFF Danny Noriega sports her horrendous glasses, Ryan tries to goad her into talking about her ridiculous "photo scandal" (jerk), and Mommy Malubay just might be the most adorable contestant mother ever seen on the show (second only to Elliott's mama). A-

The Purist is up next with an acoustic version of Pat Benetar's "Love is a Battlefield." I am not surprised by the song choice, nor the more mellow delivery of the classic rock anthem, especially after learning that Benetar does a very similar unplugged version of this song. Brookie opts to dress like a country bumpkin and sit on the edge of the stage, which works...to a point. I keep wishing she'll go all Jenna Rink on us and bust into the upbeat version mid-way through to give us the best of both worlds, but she doesn't. Brooke then looks terrified during her critique which annoys me. A-

Smirkado closes the show with Whitney's "Saving all My Love for You" in a pair of highwaisted shorts leftover from the Haley Scarnat-ho days. The song includes the line "being last on your list" which pretty much sums up how I feel about her as a person. As a vocalist she's good (save for some pitch problems), but I still want to slap her. B+

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As far as who's out, I'm going with Kady and Asia'h, although I'd prefer to lose Kristy and Smirkado.

Totally 80's Song Suggestions

Next week the Top 16 will perform hits from the 80's. We've been hearing that the contestants are limited to a list of 50 songs to choose from, so I'm basing my recommendations on iTune's 80's pop #1's, 80's hits (with a strong emphasis on the top 50) and 80's ladies.

First off, let's highlight a few songs NO one should do:

-Any Cyndi Lauper, but especially "Time After Time" - it did not go over so well with the last two Idols who attempted it.

-"Maniac" - after the side-splitting Kia commercial with the dancing car salesman, this song can never again be taken seriously.

-"Celebration" - unless they want Mr. Happy to call them a "ghastly wedding singer"

-"I Love Rock 'n Roll" - How many times did we hear this during auditions?

-"Against All Odds" - officially the most oversung number on Idol at 5 times in 6+ seasons. 10 bucks says Archuleta does it.

Here's what I recommend instead:

Aussie: It's too bad only the title of "Down Under" is really fitting for Michael. I'm suggesting either "Free Fallin'" or "Gimme All Your Lovin'" but I'm not totally satisfied with either.

J-Cast: If you want to play it safe, I second IdolJenn's previous suggestion of UB40's "Red, Red Wine." If you want to take a walk on the wild side and change things up: "Jessie's Girl." (Either way, ignore Paula and keep the guitar.)

Rocker Cook: I'd kinda like to see his take on "Jenny (8675-309)," but it's probably safer to go with Journey's "Anyway You Want it" if only for bonus points from Jackson. Please, no G&R.

Noriega: I think Danny could turn out a fabulous version of "Oh Sheila," "I'm Comin' Out" and anything by Cher, but what I really want to hear is Boy George's "Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?" Wedding Singer style.

Pretty Boy with the High Voice: It's "Eye of the Tiger" for Luke, and the mute button for me.

Gollygeewillikers Boy: I'm going to suggest "Only Love," but does it really matter what Archuleta sings at this point?

The Token Black Guy: MJ's "Rock With You" but only if you put your soul innit.

Rudy Hernandez: If Chikezie don't do MJ, then you can. Otherwise it's "Just Got Paid" 'N SYNC style.

The Irish Chick: "Total Eclipse of the Heart" - this is the song that landed Jessica Sierra in the top 12 in season 4, and even though she's a hot mess now, it was an awesome performance and is well suited to Carly's voice.

The Nanny: Please, no Stevie Nicks. How about either "Back on the Chain Gang" or (even though it couldn't touch the Jessica Simpson version) "Take My Breath Away" instead?

Krazee Eyez: I'm suggesting Belinda Carlisle's "Heaven is a Place on Earth" for Kristy.

Cruella: Either "Addicted to Love" or "Hit Me with Your Best Shot," although I do think she could also do a mean version of "Dancin' with Myself."

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow: What are the odds that Asia'h doesn't attempt a diva song? I hope she resists the urge to sing Whitney or Tina and instead sings "Love is a Battlefield."

Kady Spears: "I Think We're Alone Now" or "Straight Up" but she should do them as Britney.

Smirkado: If Asia'h doesn't sing a diva song then Syesha probably will, but I say she try "Funkytown" instead.

Lullaby: Nevermind the nickname, you've got one of the best voices left in the competition. Showcase it on either Bette Midler's "The Rose" or Sinead's "Nothing Compares 2 U."

Ladies Night, Feelin' Right, Soundin'...Wrong

Despite feeling better this week, all but two of the top 10 girls performed worse. Let's see how it all went down:

Controversial Carly is up first, and if co-owning a tattoo parlor isn't bad enough for her Americana image, she also reveals that she works at an Irish pub (but we already knew she could "pour a perfect pint"). Ah, the American dream...and just the type of person every parent wants their kid to look up to. Carly then tries to play Suzie Homemaker, but it's too late - we've seen her husband. Dressed in all black save for a brown belt (fashion faux pas #1 of the evening--#2 if you count Ryan's buttoned up shirt tucked into pants), Carly sings her "most favorite song ever" - "Crazy on You" by Heart and it's much better than when she sang "Alone" during H-wood week. Girl's got one heck of a bouncy rack and her hair and makeup look great, but she makes Kristy Lee Cook Crazy Eyes at us and the middle of the song can best be described as controlled screaming. She's literally panting at the end of her half-song, and the judges (thankfully) call her on it. Song was more fitting for me for her, but not show-stoppingly memorable. A

Syesha Smirkado highlights her days as a bad commercial actress hawking Ford (conveniently an official AI sponsor) and KFC (evil empire - do NOT eat there). Oh, and she can also do a wicked baby cry. Syesha dresses the part of 70's disco diva and changes the lyrics of "Me and Mrs. Jones" to be gender-appropriate (although I'm starting to wonder if she plays for the other team). The performance is pretty uninspiring and she basically coasts through the song until the big goat-vibrato finish. The whole thing leaves me feeling a little icky, but she was definitely not the worst. C+

Anorexic Barbie is a beauty school dropout who cuts her husband's hair. Riveting! Brooke chooses to sing (who else) Carly Simon, and turns out a pretty decent version of "You're So Vain" that's unofficially dedicated to our own Simon. She becomes the first female contestant to ever perform an instrument during competition, although she doesn't play for an entire verse. I liked her throwback 70's outfit, and props to the hair & makeup department, but I still find her voice reedy and her lower register (dare I say?) yucky. However, I think my 7-year old daughter wants Brooke to be her nanny as she had nothing but praise for the girl. A--

Waterworks Malubay gets time on the couch with Ry, and talks about those crocodile tears we saw at last week's results show. Then in her lead-in video we find that she has something in common with Sanjaya--they both like to hula dance. Ramiele again dresses like she's on her way to study group instead of performing in front of America (with the same damn belt even) and sings Thelma Houston's "Don't Leave Me This Way." Even a bad karaoke song can't disguise the fact that Ramiele has an amazing voice, but the judges advise her to forget about her pending nickname (Lullaby instead of Malubay) and stick with singer's songs. I advise her to get some wardrobe help, stat. B+

Kristy Lee Crazy Eyes wants America to know that she's a tomboy who still can't walk in heels (as if the work boots didn't tip us off). She opts to sing Linda Rohnstadt's "You're No Good" despite the fact that it's a perfect set-up. She tries to be soulful but it's altogether boring and monotonous, save for the constipated dancing squats she throws in. Kristy's hideous outfit reminds me of the costumes I had to wear when playing an alien-obsessed chick who wanted to be abducted (only mine were better). Kristy also makes the mistake of eating a cherry icee before the show and sporting red-tipped acrylics (ew). Resident hotties Michael Johns and Jason Castro are spotted trading secrets during the performance. B-

Amanda Hairmyer opens up about being a bookworm and her quest for knowledge (you go girl!) Then, in a 'do not rivaled since the ponyhawk, Amanda emerges with hair that's a cross between Cruella DeVil and Peggy Bundy, along with matching pants. Perhaps it would have been more appropriate had she sang the "stop and stare," song, but instead she chose "Wayward Son" by Kansas. Unlike Smirkado, Amanda didn't change the pronouns and basically sang about being a man. Despite some wicked dance moves during the interlude, this was a crash-and-burn performance that turned her into Vote for the Worst's new poster child. D

Then, on the opposite end of the spectrum, we have Alaina Underwood, who has OCD when it comes to her food not touching each other. Come on Alaina, I'm sure you've got something more interesting than THAT - your OCD video wasn't even snarkingly interesting the way Melinda Doolittle's was (remember "If I touch something cold with one hand...") Jr. Underwood then sings one of the sappiest songs of all time, Olivia Newton John's "Hopelessly Devoted to You" and I can almost feel myself getting a cavity. She's shrieky on the high notes, Simon calls it a pageant-performance (pretty much), and she should have saved the electric blue dress for next week's 80's night (although the shoes were just wrong no matter what the theme: never listen to a black man in cowboy boots). C

Alexandrea Underdog reminisces about her time as the poster child for her dad's fire department (didn't know they had those) and the time she sang at Ground Zero. She then butchers Chicago's "If You Leave Me Now" in a hip hop outfit paired with ankle boots (WTF?) and a necklace in the shape of the HP logo. She looks uncomfortable and the whole thing is wack. D

Kady Spears has a hidden talent that can actually be called relevant and interesting--she can sing opera well. Unfortunately, that's the only thing she does well this week as her performance of Heart's "Magic Man" leaves something to be desired. The low throbbing beat of the song seems to spell impending doom, and Kady's blouse was missing a bedazzled rock. D+

Asia'h Pepperson surprises no one when she reveals that she used to be a cheerleader, and no one seems to notice that she grew six inches of hair in a week. Seriously, the extensions and the secretary outfit did nothing but try to extinguish her peppy image, and if she keeps wearing ginormous earrings she's going to develop saggy earlobes. Asia'h takes on Celine's "All by Myself" and gets a standing O from the guys, but IMO nothing beats the Bridget Jones lipsynching version. B

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I'm predicting Alexandrea and Kady will get the axe tonight, however I wouldn't be surprised if Kristy Lee and/or Amanda found themselves on the chopping block instead. Thoughts?

Spoilers - Top 10 Girls - Song Choices

Because the performance shows are pre-taped until we get to the top 12, some spoilers for Wednesday night's show have leaked. I'm listing the top 10 girl's song choice and performance order spoilers in the comments section of this post, so that those who want to take a peek can without ruining the surprise for those who wish to wait.

For pictures (and to find out who plays an instrument and who is sporting a new look) click here.

At Least They Didn't Perform with Face Masks and Blankets...

At the start of Wednesday's Top 12 Girl's Night, Ryan announced that many of the girls had fallen ill but that the show must go on. He also mentioned that rehearsals had been full of face masks and blankets - what fun that must have been for a germaphobe like Ryan.

One thing they didn't mention was that the much-talked about Carly Smithson had been MIA from the Boy's Night audience. While several of the other girls were rumored to have gone in and out of the show due to coughing fits, Carly didn't even have a chair. Whether this was due fully to illness or in part because the truth about her former recording past had broke (or rather gone more public than before) that day remains unseen.

But all of the girls managed to pull it together for their minute twenty on the small Idol stage to perform a 60's song. Here are my reviews in order of appearance:

Kristy Lee Cook was up first singing the well-known "Rescue Me" dressed in ripped jeans and a sparkly tank (I was just glad to see she'd ditched the faded tee's and d*mn work boots). While this song is about desperation, our skinnier Kate Bosworth clone sang it like she was waiting for the bus. Though her voice was pretty, there was no punch, no charisma, and Simon called her robotic (however, the same was once said about now-superstar Carrie Underwood). Kristy sited bronchitis as the cause of her flat performance, but we all know that in cases like these you've got to fake it to make it. The best part of this performance was when fellow Cook David was seen slumped in his chair with his arms folded while the other guys clapped along to the beat. C-

Plus-size model Joanne Borgella was up next with what I'm calling worst performance of the night. She chose "Say A Little Prayer" and will have to do the same tonight as I believe she will be in danger of being voted off. I liked Joanne before this, but she didn't work the stage the way she needed to and her voice was shrieky and reminiscent of a helium balloon. And while I'm sure more thought went into her outfit than any other, I wasn't quite feelin' it. D-

Birthday girl and Carrie clone Alaina Whitaker then took the stage to sing "More Today Than Yesterday," the same song Chikeze No More Eze performed the night before (her rendition was much better). What I didn't like was the questionable fashion sense and the fact that her country twang was MIA. The twang heard in her audition was 90% of her charm, and I recommend she bring it back, stat. B

Resident Rocker Chick Amanda Overmyer opted not to cover Joplin again, and instead sang gibberish. I literally could not understand 70% of "Please Don't Go" and that's not including the scatting. For me, this performance was a huge disappointment, as I'm a fan. Her energy and bad*ss patchwork jeans were the best part. But, as her family said, if a semi truck can't take her down, nothing can (at least not yet). B-

Dressed like she was going clubbing, Amy Davis was up next with Patsy Cline's "Where the Boys Are." Though she looked better than she has and there was a tenderness in her voice, I do not believe it was enough to save her from elimination. B

Straight-edge nanny Brooke White choose to perform "Happy Together" as David C. had done the night before. Her look was more vampy than I was expecting (especially after the "I'm a good girl" lead-in), but that's not saying much since vampy for Brooke is casual for say, Carmen Electra. Brooke sounded pretty good but I was distracted by her awkward stomping (dancing?) and unexpected hair-grabs. The big finish of "Ba-ba-ba-ba-bop-ba-ba-ba-bop-ba-ba-bah-bop-bah-baaaah!" reminded me of when I once did karaoke to "John's Diner" and was mortified when the screen prompted me to actually sing "Duh-dut-duh-duh-dut-duh-duh-da, dut-duh-da-dut-da-dah-da" (I didn't). B+

Though she was dressed for 90's night instead of 60's, Alexandrea Lushington showed some spunk with "Spinning Wheel." Unfortunately, her vocals paled in comparison to the clip of her singing Amy Winehouse during H-wood week. She sounded congested, and her falsetto was downright yucky. Alexandrea competed against (and lost to) David A. on "Star Search" four years ago. I am embarrassed to admit that I actually had those peace-sign earrings, although I haven't worn them since they were in style. C

Britney impersonator Kady Malloy was up next with "Groovy Kind of Love." Kady was the only girl to wear a dress--it's just too bad she didn't pick a good one. Her performance lacked sparkle and she seemed very reserved throughout, but her vocals were better than some of the others. B

Asia'h Epperson--one of my personal favorites--then took the stage with Joplin's "Piece of my Heart." Dressed like she was going to join Amy at the club after the show, Asia'h's earrings were literally as big as bangle bracelets (if not bigger). It wasn't her best vocal (you could tell she was sick), but she is cute, bubbly and fun to watch. A

Ramiele Malubay, another favorite, chose to perform Dusty Springfield's "You Don't Have to Say You Love Me." Ramiele wins my vote for both best song and worst dressed (seriously, she looked like she was on her way to class and those boots she was bragging about were horrendous). It was a solid vocal despite a few flat notes towards the end, and I predict she will go far in this competition. A

Syesha Mercado strengthened my suspicion that she has an awful goiter she's trying to cover up when she took the stage to sing "Tobacco Road" wearing yet another scarf. However, she also proved that it is possible to take a crappy song and sing the h*ll out of it. Phil Stacey's version of this was downright comical last season ("R-OOOOOOOOOOO-AAAAD") but Syesha's was spirited and made me forget how much I hate the song. A

If there was one thing I could predict, it was that Carly Smithson would close the show in the producer's continued effort to pimp her. I did, however, expect some 'Stones instead of "Shadow of Your Smile." Carly opted to cover up her tats with an oversized blouse that did nothing for her. For the most part, her voice was soulful and strong, although things did get a bit shout-y in the middle. A-

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I'm guessing it will be sayonara for Amy and Joanne. Thoughts?

How many David's, Jason's and Cook's does it take to make a top 24?

Boys and girls it's time to meet our American Idol Top 24 - Season 7.

I like to do this little first impression/prediction post at the beginning of each season to see how my opinions change and just how much my crystal ball is worth.

Onto the players. It's ladies first, alphabetically:

Alaina Whitaker - 16 Tulsa, OK

I'm sure she is a very nice girl. One who will be cut within the first two weeks unless she blows us out of the water because we know nothing about her.

Alexandrea Lushington - 16 Atlanta, GA

If we've seen or heard her before, I don't remember it, which doesn't bode well. Odds of making the top 12: slim to none.

Amanda Overmyer - 23 Mulberry, IN

This girl rocks my socks. Long live the rock 'n roll nurse. She's top 10 material, a la Gina Glocksen, however Love Song Week could be tricky.

Amy Davis - 25 Cedar Lake, IN

First cut outta the gate.

Asia'h Epperson - 19 Joplin, MO

LOVE this girl. She's a little firecracker with the whole package. I hope she makes the top 12, but I have a feeling she might not.

Brooke White - 24 Van Nuys, CA

Despite being a hybrid of two of my best friends (one of which I've been encouraging to audition for years), Brooke is as boring as it gets. A great role model and a beautiful girl for sure, but not the most unique, talented, or interesting.

Carly Smithson - 24, Dublin, Ireland (now San Diego, CA)

The Powers that Be want her in the finale, and to the finale she shall go, as a result of maximum Idol pimpage. I love the accent and definitely think she's a unique individual, however if I'm being honest I'm sick of her already.

Joanne Borgella - 25 Hopoken, NJ

I think this girl is beautiful and talented, however I do wish she'd quit bringing up the weight issue - if there is one thing AI is not it's size-ist. She's half of Rueben, Mandisa and LaKisha, and I don't recall any of them ever complaining about their weight.

Kady Malloy - 18 Houston, TX

She is probably my favorite Interchangeable Blonde, but that's not saying much. She's cute and will probably go down the road of The Pickler instead of Britney (which is preferable to fading away into obscurity I suppose).

Kristy Lee Cook - 24 Selma, OK

After seeing her perform in front of a Confederate flag, I have nothing good to say about KKKristy, and hope she is the first Interchangeable Blonde to hit the road. (Does that make me prejudice about prejudice?)

Ramiele Malubay - 20 Miramar, FL

I like this girl, but I think I like Asia'h more. I don't think there's room in the top 12 for the both of them, and Ramiele probably has the edge.

Syesha Mercado - 21 Miami, FL

Although losing her voice during Hollywood week may have been a ploy for more screentime, she's got my vote. I was BLOWN AWAY by her final audition.

The boys, the boys:

Chikezie Eze - 22 Inglewood, CA

Best. Name. Ever. It's also the most likely to be misspelled. He comes from the ghetto (always a plus when they are working their way up) and seems very likable. Top 12...maybe.

Colton Berry - 17 Staunton, VA

Can't stand this guy. He sang Aladdin's "Whole New World" (poorly) for crying out loud. Be gone.

Danny Noriega - 18 Azusa, CA

I live just minutes from Azusa, so I gotta show some support for the local boy. I wasn't particularly impressed with his audition, but he's growing on me. And what personality!

David Archuleta - 17 Salt Lake City, UT

David #1 is nice, sweet and cute, much like a puppy. I try not to kick puppies, but if he continues his trend of lame song choices, mediocre performances and the aw-shucks routine in reaction to the judges mega-hype I won't be able to stop myself.

David Cook - 25 Tulsa, OK

Hate this guy. He and his wannabe edgyness irk me to the core. Unfortunately, I predict he'll be around for at least three or four weeks. Ugh.

David Hernandez - 24 Phoenix, AZ

David #3 has a very Rudy Cardenas vibe about him. I predict he'll last longer than Rudy (though not too much more) and that his song choices will continue to be cheesy and uber-annoying.

Garret Haley 17 - Elida, OH

His big-band hair scares me. Haven't heard him sing but I do not have high hopes for this one.

Jason Castro 20 - Rowlett, TX

Everyone likes a guy with dreads. Other than that, I haven't seen or heard enough of him to judge.

Jason Yeager - 28 Grand Prarie, TX

Who?

Luke Menard - 29 Crawfordsville, IN

I think he and the rock 'n roll nurse should hook up. They both love motorcycles and are from Indiana. He looks like a cross between Luke Perry and Orlando Bloom. As far as who he sounds like...couldn't tell ya. Gone within two weeks.

Michael Johns - 29 Atlanta, GA (formerly Australia)

I see him either duking it out with Carly in the finale or having a Daughtry-esque exit sooner than everyone expects. He's definitely a favorite and his accent is to die for, but the more I look at him the more I am reminded of Rufus from Gossip Girl. I was forced to cross Michael off of my list of potential conquests when it was revealed that he a) is married, b) is not a vegetarian, and c) stole his former band's songs. But hey, nobody's perfect.

Robbie Carrico - 26 Melbourne, FL

Real rockers don't sing Bryan Adams. Enough said.

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So tell me...who are you digging? Who would you like to dump? And, are you ready to get this road on the show?