Girls on Tour - Dancing

Wannabe Divas, Dawgs & The Return of the Moth and the Melon Ball

80's night part duex brings much amusement--from Jackson going an ENTIRE performance episode without mentioning pitch (ironically after officially being put on "Pitch Patrol" for the first time ev-ah), much tawk of dawgs, dogs, doggs, and mutts, lots of highwaisted bottoms, and the most craziness we've seen from Paula Abdul since season 5. Oh yeah, and the top 8 girls sing Whitney and some other 80's stuff. As for their most embarrassing moments, the majority of the girls are claiming they haven't had any since gradeschool, and the stuff they fess up to is so lame I'm not going to bother detailing it (save for one).

Onto the performances in order of appearance:

A-Shorty is up first with "I Wanna Dance With Somebody" by, you guessed it, Whitney. Wearing a Madonna-esque hot pink top and some hideous highwaisted pants, Asia'h is back to her perky, bubbly self (and her own hair). She has fun with it, and for some reason I'm reminded of one of Paris Bennett's upbeat performances. Her voice sounds a little rough though, as if she is still sick. Simon calls her a "Second-rate Whitney" and Asia'h's okay with that. I am distracted by her "friend" in the audience who, in a matter of seconds, personifies every ghetto stereotype possible. I like Asia'h but I don't like it that she keeps choosing songs by divas. B+

Cross-Eyed Kady gets some time on the couch to talk about how she "really thought she was going home" last week. Thanks for clearing that up, AI. Kady chooses to sing Queen's "Who Wants to Live Forever" and it's obvious that she's trying to do Katharine's version. Her overambitious song choice makes me cringe, but she actually does much better with it than I expected despite not dressing the part or setting the mood the way Kat did. Still, the emotion behind the song is missing, and she can't hit all of the notes. B-

Overkill is up next looking normal (for her) with Joan Jett's "I Hate Myself for Lovin' You." The song is a good fit for her voice but it's kind of a weird arrangement and she doesn't make it through without some screaming. Her fiance--who looks like a hotter, skinnier Harry Connick, Jr.-- is there to support her. Simon loves it but Amanda looks embarrassed and ashamed to even be there. A-

Carly Controversy then takes the stage to perform Cyndi Lauper's "I Drove all Night" in some highwaisted jeans with brass buttons. I'm a little confused by the night's fashion, so I take a moment to consult my BFF Maya asking, "Highwaisted pants were not a trend in the 80's, right?" to which she brilliantly responds, "I don't think it was ever a trend. Except maybe for men in the revolutionary war. Or perhaps for horse riders." You see why I love this girl? Anyway, back to Carly. The song itself isn't that great and mostly consists of more controlled screaming but Carly's vocals are impressive. She also can't stop smiling when it's over and comes off as more likeable because of it. A-

Tomboy reveals that her most embarrassing moment was acting like a dog for the entire year she was seven complete with drinking out of a dog bowl, barking/growling at people and walking around on all fours. That's not a moment Kristy, that's a year's worth of disturbing behavior that you may never live down. I asked MY 7-year old daughter what she thinks of it and she said, "that's just plain creepy." Kristy tackles Journey's "Faithfully" and gives it a LeeAnn Rimes type spin while once again sporting a cherry red tongue. I don't know about you, but I'm thinking we don't need another LeeAnn Rimes, especially one as f'n weird as Kristy. B+

Rami Lullaby proves she still hasn't won over the wardrobe department (but they love her over in hair and makeup) and that she still has a good voice with Phil Collins' "Against All Odds." When Simon said he's "heard a lot of performances like that over the years" he wasn't kidding--this is the 6th rendition of AAO in seven seasons and could be the show's freakin' theme song. Rami's new BFF Danny Noriega sports her horrendous glasses, Ryan tries to goad her into talking about her ridiculous "photo scandal" (jerk), and Mommy Malubay just might be the most adorable contestant mother ever seen on the show (second only to Elliott's mama). A-

The Purist is up next with an acoustic version of Pat Benetar's "Love is a Battlefield." I am not surprised by the song choice, nor the more mellow delivery of the classic rock anthem, especially after learning that Benetar does a very similar unplugged version of this song. Brookie opts to dress like a country bumpkin and sit on the edge of the stage, which works...to a point. I keep wishing she'll go all Jenna Rink on us and bust into the upbeat version mid-way through to give us the best of both worlds, but she doesn't. Brooke then looks terrified during her critique which annoys me. A-

Smirkado closes the show with Whitney's "Saving all My Love for You" in a pair of highwaisted shorts leftover from the Haley Scarnat-ho days. The song includes the line "being last on your list" which pretty much sums up how I feel about her as a person. As a vocalist she's good (save for some pitch problems), but I still want to slap her. B+

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As far as who's out, I'm going with Kady and Asia'h, although I'd prefer to lose Kristy and Smirkado.

At Least They Didn't Perform with Face Masks and Blankets...

At the start of Wednesday's Top 12 Girl's Night, Ryan announced that many of the girls had fallen ill but that the show must go on. He also mentioned that rehearsals had been full of face masks and blankets - what fun that must have been for a germaphobe like Ryan.

One thing they didn't mention was that the much-talked about Carly Smithson had been MIA from the Boy's Night audience. While several of the other girls were rumored to have gone in and out of the show due to coughing fits, Carly didn't even have a chair. Whether this was due fully to illness or in part because the truth about her former recording past had broke (or rather gone more public than before) that day remains unseen.

But all of the girls managed to pull it together for their minute twenty on the small Idol stage to perform a 60's song. Here are my reviews in order of appearance:

Kristy Lee Cook was up first singing the well-known "Rescue Me" dressed in ripped jeans and a sparkly tank (I was just glad to see she'd ditched the faded tee's and d*mn work boots). While this song is about desperation, our skinnier Kate Bosworth clone sang it like she was waiting for the bus. Though her voice was pretty, there was no punch, no charisma, and Simon called her robotic (however, the same was once said about now-superstar Carrie Underwood). Kristy sited bronchitis as the cause of her flat performance, but we all know that in cases like these you've got to fake it to make it. The best part of this performance was when fellow Cook David was seen slumped in his chair with his arms folded while the other guys clapped along to the beat. C-

Plus-size model Joanne Borgella was up next with what I'm calling worst performance of the night. She chose "Say A Little Prayer" and will have to do the same tonight as I believe she will be in danger of being voted off. I liked Joanne before this, but she didn't work the stage the way she needed to and her voice was shrieky and reminiscent of a helium balloon. And while I'm sure more thought went into her outfit than any other, I wasn't quite feelin' it. D-

Birthday girl and Carrie clone Alaina Whitaker then took the stage to sing "More Today Than Yesterday," the same song Chikeze No More Eze performed the night before (her rendition was much better). What I didn't like was the questionable fashion sense and the fact that her country twang was MIA. The twang heard in her audition was 90% of her charm, and I recommend she bring it back, stat. B

Resident Rocker Chick Amanda Overmyer opted not to cover Joplin again, and instead sang gibberish. I literally could not understand 70% of "Please Don't Go" and that's not including the scatting. For me, this performance was a huge disappointment, as I'm a fan. Her energy and bad*ss patchwork jeans were the best part. But, as her family said, if a semi truck can't take her down, nothing can (at least not yet). B-

Dressed like she was going clubbing, Amy Davis was up next with Patsy Cline's "Where the Boys Are." Though she looked better than she has and there was a tenderness in her voice, I do not believe it was enough to save her from elimination. B

Straight-edge nanny Brooke White choose to perform "Happy Together" as David C. had done the night before. Her look was more vampy than I was expecting (especially after the "I'm a good girl" lead-in), but that's not saying much since vampy for Brooke is casual for say, Carmen Electra. Brooke sounded pretty good but I was distracted by her awkward stomping (dancing?) and unexpected hair-grabs. The big finish of "Ba-ba-ba-ba-bop-ba-ba-ba-bop-ba-ba-bah-bop-bah-baaaah!" reminded me of when I once did karaoke to "John's Diner" and was mortified when the screen prompted me to actually sing "Duh-dut-duh-duh-dut-duh-duh-da, dut-duh-da-dut-da-dah-da" (I didn't). B+

Though she was dressed for 90's night instead of 60's, Alexandrea Lushington showed some spunk with "Spinning Wheel." Unfortunately, her vocals paled in comparison to the clip of her singing Amy Winehouse during H-wood week. She sounded congested, and her falsetto was downright yucky. Alexandrea competed against (and lost to) David A. on "Star Search" four years ago. I am embarrassed to admit that I actually had those peace-sign earrings, although I haven't worn them since they were in style. C

Britney impersonator Kady Malloy was up next with "Groovy Kind of Love." Kady was the only girl to wear a dress--it's just too bad she didn't pick a good one. Her performance lacked sparkle and she seemed very reserved throughout, but her vocals were better than some of the others. B

Asia'h Epperson--one of my personal favorites--then took the stage with Joplin's "Piece of my Heart." Dressed like she was going to join Amy at the club after the show, Asia'h's earrings were literally as big as bangle bracelets (if not bigger). It wasn't her best vocal (you could tell she was sick), but she is cute, bubbly and fun to watch. A

Ramiele Malubay, another favorite, chose to perform Dusty Springfield's "You Don't Have to Say You Love Me." Ramiele wins my vote for both best song and worst dressed (seriously, she looked like she was on her way to class and those boots she was bragging about were horrendous). It was a solid vocal despite a few flat notes towards the end, and I predict she will go far in this competition. A

Syesha Mercado strengthened my suspicion that she has an awful goiter she's trying to cover up when she took the stage to sing "Tobacco Road" wearing yet another scarf. However, she also proved that it is possible to take a crappy song and sing the h*ll out of it. Phil Stacey's version of this was downright comical last season ("R-OOOOOOOOOOO-AAAAD") but Syesha's was spirited and made me forget how much I hate the song. A

If there was one thing I could predict, it was that Carly Smithson would close the show in the producer's continued effort to pimp her. I did, however, expect some 'Stones instead of "Shadow of Your Smile." Carly opted to cover up her tats with an oversized blouse that did nothing for her. For the most part, her voice was soulful and strong, although things did get a bit shout-y in the middle. A-

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I'm guessing it will be sayonara for Amy and Joanne. Thoughts?